As far back as i can remember, i haven't been the same person 2 Christmases in a row.
Could be the personality disorder, could be just growing up.
In 1998, i was 18, had lost a LOT of weight, and was looking forward to the clothes i had
been promised.
By 2001, the weight was back, i had lost my place in the Iraqi community, along with my
husband and children, and was living out of my trunk, sleeping on my mothers couch.
2003? I was legally "mentally disabled" having tried unsuccsessfully to kill myself. 7
times.
2005 i was married, living in Sweden. Because my husband was more strict about Islam
than my boyfriends, i wasn't even allowed a phone call home. This is the first year i
actually MISSED them on Christmas.
2006 i was home again, but wasn't missing them so much. Had found a new boyfriend,
and we had decided to make Christmas our first time we slept together. I rented a hotel
for the day, and 8 hours later, had trouble walking. This relationship would stay secret.
2008 i was halfway living with my bestfriend. It was between his house, and my mother's
couch, and the couch was looking less and less appealing. This was the year of awakening. I smoked pot for the first time, as a gift to him. I wanted to get drunk for the first time, but that would take more time. There was 12 inches of snow on the ground, and Matt was having a few friends over. I was honored to be one of these friends.
2009 found me without a job, but with Mike, my boyfriend that puts up with my ever-
changing personality. He tells me daily that he loves me, never fails to make me smile,
or laugh, or just be content.
This year, Mike and his son Nate came up to my parents and kept me from going insane. My grandmother was her normal self, finding negative things, no matter what. My family has always been a trigger which is why i try to stay away from family gatherings. I hate drama, and that household is FULL OF IT. Part of me wished i could go back to last year, sitting on Matts' bed, watching movies and hanging out.
But we went to Mike's mom house... she's awesome. They had a gift exchange, and since Mike and i had not brought anything, we disn't get to participate. Now, this was fine with me, because i wasn't about to go in front of his family (20 people) and open a gift- i prefer to hide in the corner. Well, Sharon wasn't going to allow that; she found 2 more gifts, and wrapped them up under Mike and my name. We drew numbers, unwrapped and swapped, stole and restole till everybody had gone around the circle. it was pretty fun, and despite having brought nothing but a plate of cookies, we walked
away with a foot massager, a set of glasses, an LED flashlight that Mike really needed,
and, courtesy of Nathan's quick wits, a clock that we both needed and wanted. It was
relaxing, and fun, and i discovered that i like spinich dip. Who knew? =)
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
No babies...
When i was 19, i had an ecptopic pregnancy, and they checked my hormone level after the operation. They found my body doesn't make Progesterone, and told me if i ever want to have children, i would need synthetic. Well, i never had a boyfriend that i trusted to have kids with, so i didn't worry. Until Mike. He wants another son, so i went in, and got new blood tests. My progesterone levels are less than .2, and a normal level is about 5. 10 when you are at the peak of ovilation. (ew, i know, Sorry.) The dr asked me how long it had been since my last cycle, and we counted down. I went in on day 21, when my progesterone would have been at its highest. I got my results back today... At its highest levels, my progeterone level is 1.3. Now, synthetic progesterone is no problem. Except my body makes too much of a hormone called Prolactin. This comes from the pituitary gland, which Mike lovingly told me is why i'm so big. Yeah, thanks honey. So i go in on Friday to find out what can be done, and i will keep you updated. In the meantime, pray, please? I would really like a baby.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Ex Lover My Ass
Yakima. Wapato. 2 ex-girlfriends. Wait, excuse me, ONE ex-girlfriend and one ex lover. His "true love" in his own words. Her mother passed away, and as much as i was sorry for her, since the funeral was at 8AM we had 2 choices. Leave Friday night and spend the night their; no money for a hotel would leave us at the mercy of either ex or an ex drug dealer. Or we could get up at 4AM and drive. He wisely opted for the latter. We pulled into the funeral home at 8AM and the parking lot was empty. Mike called his mom, who reminded him the funeral was at 10, not 8. So he called his daughters, that live with their mom, and we took them out for breakfast. His daughters, not his ex.
During breakfast, his daughter was like "buy me a car, dad, take me to the mall, dad." He apologized because i had to be at work and he couldn't spend more time with them. I felt bad, because i do like his daughters. After breakfast we dropped them off and went to the service. It was beautiful, and afterwards, people lined up to say their respects. Since Nate and i never knew her, we went out to the car. mike came out a few minutes later and we headed home.
The next day, Mike had to work his 10 hour shift, and came home so tired. Even though i had worked my 10 hour shift as well (I hate sundays) I promised to rub his feet and give him a sponge bath. He got in the shower, and as i was finding his clothes, his phone chirped he had a text message. I assumed it was the karaoke host telling him to go sing, and didnt want to go out, so i hit View.
And the number was a 509 number; NOT the karaoke host. 509 is the area code for Eastern Washington. As in, Wapato/ Yakima, where we just were. I opened the text, thinking his daugheter and immediatly hoped i was wrong. "I forgot to say good-night and i will love you soon." HOLY SHIT. Backtracking thru his texts, they had been talking dirty all day. It didn't take a genius to figure out it was Arlene, his "truelove".
This man that promised me he would never cheat on me, that was calling me lover and baby, from the next room... He was sending back texts "he hadn't seen her bare shoulder in a while..Grrr...." (She had sent him pics of her tattoos and her trampstamp.
Now, to his credit, he at no time texted the words love. But there had been many a phone call, God only knows what they had talked about. She is supposedly happily married, and Mike promised he wasn't that kind of guy! Well, screw him in the bathtub, i took 5 of my anxity meds with a shot of tequila, and was asleep before my head hit the pillow.
Next morning i woke up still pissed off, grabbed my laptop, logged on to T-mobile and BLOCKED HER NUMBER. No texting either way, and if she tries to call she will get a messages saying the phone is out of service. If he tries to call her, an automated voice will say "You are not allowed to make calls to this number" and hang up. At which point he'll ask me why, and i'll ask him why he wants to call her. Bitch move, probably, but i'm not going to stand back and watch it happen. Later that day, we went to his mom's house, where she asked if Mike had talked to Arlene, because she gave her Mike's number. All this time i thought Mike had given it to her... Oops. I told his mom yes, they had been sexting, which she heard as texting, thank God, and got me the dirtiest look from Mike. Oh well, now he knew why i wasn't speaking to him. When we got home, he swore up and daown there was nothing going on, she's happily married, yada yada yada. Heard it all before. Now we just wait to see when he asks why he can't call, right?
During breakfast, his daughter was like "buy me a car, dad, take me to the mall, dad." He apologized because i had to be at work and he couldn't spend more time with them. I felt bad, because i do like his daughters. After breakfast we dropped them off and went to the service. It was beautiful, and afterwards, people lined up to say their respects. Since Nate and i never knew her, we went out to the car. mike came out a few minutes later and we headed home.
The next day, Mike had to work his 10 hour shift, and came home so tired. Even though i had worked my 10 hour shift as well (I hate sundays) I promised to rub his feet and give him a sponge bath. He got in the shower, and as i was finding his clothes, his phone chirped he had a text message. I assumed it was the karaoke host telling him to go sing, and didnt want to go out, so i hit View.
And the number was a 509 number; NOT the karaoke host. 509 is the area code for Eastern Washington. As in, Wapato/ Yakima, where we just were. I opened the text, thinking his daugheter and immediatly hoped i was wrong. "I forgot to say good-night and i will love you soon." HOLY SHIT. Backtracking thru his texts, they had been talking dirty all day. It didn't take a genius to figure out it was Arlene, his "truelove".
This man that promised me he would never cheat on me, that was calling me lover and baby, from the next room... He was sending back texts "he hadn't seen her bare shoulder in a while..Grrr...." (She had sent him pics of her tattoos and her trampstamp.
Now, to his credit, he at no time texted the words love. But there had been many a phone call, God only knows what they had talked about. She is supposedly happily married, and Mike promised he wasn't that kind of guy! Well, screw him in the bathtub, i took 5 of my anxity meds with a shot of tequila, and was asleep before my head hit the pillow.
Next morning i woke up still pissed off, grabbed my laptop, logged on to T-mobile and BLOCKED HER NUMBER. No texting either way, and if she tries to call she will get a messages saying the phone is out of service. If he tries to call her, an automated voice will say "You are not allowed to make calls to this number" and hang up. At which point he'll ask me why, and i'll ask him why he wants to call her. Bitch move, probably, but i'm not going to stand back and watch it happen. Later that day, we went to his mom's house, where she asked if Mike had talked to Arlene, because she gave her Mike's number. All this time i thought Mike had given it to her... Oops. I told his mom yes, they had been sexting, which she heard as texting, thank God, and got me the dirtiest look from Mike. Oh well, now he knew why i wasn't speaking to him. When we got home, he swore up and daown there was nothing going on, she's happily married, yada yada yada. Heard it all before. Now we just wait to see when he asks why he can't call, right?
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Drama
Tonight started out simple enough. My computer has been geeking, so i called my friend John to help. He's a computer genius and a half, and if anybody can fis it, he can. He plugged it in, it did its thing, he did his. He turned it off, handed it back and said "Yup, you're fucked." Not exactly the best news from a computer tech. But my computer is still under warranty, so im okay. I hugged John and we left. We being Mike and I, who i asked to come along in case John wanted payment that i wasn't prepared for.
On the way home, John texted me "When are we gonna go sing karaoke?" I posed this question to mike, and he said we'll hit Charlies at 8 and Performance at 9, as usual. Well, John got into a huge amount of trouble and had to sell his car, so i offered to pick him up. We got all dressed up, as we do, and we grabbed John about 8:45. Got to the bar at 9ish. I opened our tab, we got our stuff and sat down. Mike starts going thru his envelope of songs to sing, and i was teasing john to put in a song. The karaoke host came over and asked mike what he was gonna sing, said hi to me and locked eyes with john. She FROZE; like something out of a movie. Now... John has a rep for being a freak in bed, he's try-sexual. Meaning he'll try anything. In fact, i stopped talking to John for awhile because he asked me to take pics at a party and i opted to hang out with Matt.
Anyway, Sonya composed herself, and started karaoke. After a few rounds, john put in a song.
"Creep" by Radiohead. A line in this song goes "I'm special... so very special" And Sonya whispered in the microphone "Ed!" (Special Ed...get it?) the whole place started laughing and john loosened up. A few mins later John went to the bathroom and Sonya came up and asked
where he's been! Then she took John OFF my tab and started him on hers! and told us not to tell him. But his next coke, the waitress told him. Then John went up and started HER on a new tab. And they were inseperable for the night. They danced quite a few times, even sang love songs to each other. i was very impressed.
"Creep" by Radiohead. A line in this song goes "I'm special... so very special" And Sonya whispered in the microphone "Ed!" (Special Ed...get it?) the whole place started laughing and john loosened up. A few mins later John went to the bathroom and Sonya came up and asked
where he's been! Then she took John OFF my tab and started him on hers! and told us not to tell him. But his next coke, the waitress told him. Then John went up and started HER on a new tab. And they were inseperable for the night. They danced quite a few times, even sang love songs to each other. i was very impressed.
It would have been a perfect night had matt showd up, but that would have been too much for me to believe. But i wanted him to know i missed him dearly, so i texted twitter, attached to facebook. Mike and i sang and danced, all was okay. About 11:30 my friend Julie showed
up. We work together, so it was a trip to see each other out of uniform. We all sat together, and were laughing, drinking and talking. I had my 2 drinks; the bartender made me a drink "Frog Pee" A drink she invented. It was good, but after 2, i was done for the night. I was drinking water like... a fish! Ha!
Okay... about midnight the bar filled up. The "regulars" had been at a birthday party, and had just gotten back. Kimberly came over to me to ask if i was coming to the party next friday. (Sheila is Mike's ex-girlfriend and her party is Friday the 26th) I said i dont want to, but Mike is going to make me. Kimberly jumped in waited 10 mins, then left. I was on the verge of panic, i knew i was in deep shit for saying anything. I drove home, slowly, looking. Not at home. I double back and drove a different way; no mike. Following the third way home it dawned on me. The Casino. Sure enough, he was in the back, top of his lungs cussing about women trying to control him. "My ex-bitch wanted my money, took my kids and my car and left a hole in my heart
only for Melissa" (This would have sounded sweet under NORMAL circumstances.) I walked in and slid my hands around his waist and waiting for his breathing to calm down. He asked me if he could play with his last 20$. His money is non of my business, but i reminded him he wanted to send Michelle money. He started to cry and say those lovely things that alcohol brings out in
him, and we left. We got home, and he kept saying he loves me but i couldn't say it back. He told me i was just like his ex (Ouch.) and got out and slammed the door. I looked up at the roof of my car and asked God to give me ONE reason not to drive to the river. And jump in. About 3 seconds later, my phone vibrated... It was Matt. My reason.
only for Melissa" (This would have sounded sweet under NORMAL circumstances.) I walked in and slid my hands around his waist and waiting for his breathing to calm down. He asked me if he could play with his last 20$. His money is non of my business, but i reminded him he wanted to send Michelle money. He started to cry and say those lovely things that alcohol brings out in
him, and we left. We got home, and he kept saying he loves me but i couldn't say it back. He told me i was just like his ex (Ouch.) and got out and slammed the door. I looked up at the roof of my car and asked God to give me ONE reason not to drive to the river. And jump in. About 3 seconds later, my phone vibrated... It was Matt. My reason.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Okay- so i haven't written in quite a while. So lets see where i can remember leaving off, and catch up. First and most important, i'm no longer friends with Matt. After a year of friendship- which is generally the length of time i can keep friends, we parted ways. It all happened coincidentally, but that just means it was meant to be, right? Okay, here's what happened. A week before he was to fly out to somewhere for a job, i had my friend Jay check my oil. I was almost empty, but didnt have the money for an oil change, so he just threw in 2 quarts and warned me to change it ASAP. Matt asked me to take him to the airport Monday night/Tuesday morning at 3AM, but i went over Sunday nightto hang out. I was actually in Tacoma for another reason, which hurt Matt without intending to. I was trying to keep things simple and keep money in my pocket, without taking a cut AND losing my portion. Thats all the detail i'll go into about that. Anyway, he was mad, so as a truce, and as a way to say good-bye, we went out to eat. True to my knowledge, since he knew i had money, I ended up paying. While we were drinking our coffee, and having breakfast, (It was midnight, after all) his girlfriend Cynthia called. But lets start from the beginning, shall we?
I first heard of Cynthia when Matt got drunk off his ass on St. Patricks Day and called me at 4AM to come get him. He crawled in my car, almost crying "Her name had to be Herron!" I had no idea who he was talking about, but he kept repeating this and trying to crawl out my car window. Got him home, into bed, and he slept. Next day, i tried asking him who this girl was that had him so upset, he said his friends and he were looking up friends from highschool. Now, he went to high school in Germany, so its pretty cool that he can still look them up. After a long discussion, it came out that Cynthia was his first love. Only now she was married. Now- Matt and i were not dating, as much as we just hung out ALOT. And i was crashing on his couch, and taking care of him and his roommates as much as they would let me. But it still hurt that whatever i did was not enough that he had to go looking for another girl. Especially since i had this guy on the line, but never said yes because i was hoping...
Over the next two weeks, all i heard was cynthia, cynthia, cynthia. She made him smile, so i liked her, while still being jealous. So i aquicised, and said yes to Mike. Good thing, cause beginning of April, Matt moved, and i moved in with mike. Yes, i know that sounds shallow, but Mike was pushing me to move in since we met, and i wasn't ready. Knowing Matt and i would only always be friends, i gave in.
Matt moved in with some friends, that didn't allow strangers to come over, so i rarely saw him. Mike and i flourished, but i still went running when he called, which pissed Mike off. Matt and i stayed in touch thru phone, text, facebook and twitter, of which he would post odd sayings that i didn't understand, about blue skies when it was raining outside. Then one day, i got a friend request from twitter- blueskies was following me. I clicked on the profile-- it was his Cynthia! i accepted, and watched her twitter for awhile. She seemed pretty cool, and i tried asking Matt about her. He didn't have nice things to say, other than she had changed from the girl he fell in love with so many years ago. A few weeks later, i see pictures on Matt's facebook- from an airplane! He had left, without so much as a good-bye! I cried about that for 2 days, until even Mike lost his patience and told me to stop crying and choose: Matt or Mike. Since Matt had left me, i tried to erase him from my mind, until he called the very next day, needing a ride from the airport. And? I went running. Mike came with because he knew i would end up spending money. I took us all 3 thru the drive-thru, dropped Matt off, and mike and i went home.
I was mad at him for not telling me he was leaving, and that i had to leave work early to pick him up, but he is so damn charming i forgave him. So when he asked if i would mind driving him to the airport, so he could fly to CALIFORNIA for a job (KEEP THIS IN MIND) I didn't mind. He had to be at the airport at 4 AM, so i was planning to go his house about 10ish, we could hang out and then go. He didn't know how long the job was going to last, so didn't know when i would see him again.
As i said, I went over the night before, and we went out to dinner, during which Cynthia called. He told her he was out to dinner with me, and seemed surprised that she didn't know who i was. He had previously scolded me for talking to her on Facebook, and i had tried to tell him that we only play games, not talk about anything personal. Although she did mention she wished she had met when she was up here, which led me to believe that the car i helped return to the airport was hers.
When i dropped him off, i asked him how long he would be in the air. He said quite a few hours, with 2 different lay-overs. Lay overs?? It's a direct flight from Washington to CALIFORNIA. (Keeping this still in mind? Good.) As i was driving home, my oil light came on in my car. I love my car- she tells me when she needs anything. So i called my bro and asked him to please change my oil the next day before i broke down. Having blown TWO engines (Yeah, i know) I wasn't taking any chances. Fast forward to next day, when i went to my brothers, i posted a message on facebook "I will miss my best friend" To which Cynthia replied "I will take good care of him." Wait, what??? She lives on the East coast, and as far as i could remember, California was still on the west coast. At the same time, my bro and his friend came in and said they were going to get their girlfriends, and at the same time, all the oil will leak out. Sounds like a plan, it was only 4pm; i had plenty of time to get to Matt. But i was still wondering what she had meant by she'll take care of him.
I asked the opinion of my mom, who had listened to me cry about missing him, who told me one of two things. Either she was meeting him in Cali, or he lies and was flying to the East coast. I realized why he had 2 lay-overs, and i was beyond hurt. I texted him i would not make it, and turned off my phone.
Next day, i turned it back on, and had voice mails and text messages telling me his job didnt start for 2 more weeks, and Cynthia wanted too see him and was willing to pay for the ticket, and he didn't tell me to spare my feelings. This was too too much, and i jumped on facebook and publicly told him to forget my name, forget my number and forget ever "paying me back. As of this writing... he has.
I first heard of Cynthia when Matt got drunk off his ass on St. Patricks Day and called me at 4AM to come get him. He crawled in my car, almost crying "Her name had to be Herron!" I had no idea who he was talking about, but he kept repeating this and trying to crawl out my car window. Got him home, into bed, and he slept. Next day, i tried asking him who this girl was that had him so upset, he said his friends and he were looking up friends from highschool. Now, he went to high school in Germany, so its pretty cool that he can still look them up. After a long discussion, it came out that Cynthia was his first love. Only now she was married. Now- Matt and i were not dating, as much as we just hung out ALOT. And i was crashing on his couch, and taking care of him and his roommates as much as they would let me. But it still hurt that whatever i did was not enough that he had to go looking for another girl. Especially since i had this guy on the line, but never said yes because i was hoping...
Over the next two weeks, all i heard was cynthia, cynthia, cynthia. She made him smile, so i liked her, while still being jealous. So i aquicised, and said yes to Mike. Good thing, cause beginning of April, Matt moved, and i moved in with mike. Yes, i know that sounds shallow, but Mike was pushing me to move in since we met, and i wasn't ready. Knowing Matt and i would only always be friends, i gave in.
Matt moved in with some friends, that didn't allow strangers to come over, so i rarely saw him. Mike and i flourished, but i still went running when he called, which pissed Mike off. Matt and i stayed in touch thru phone, text, facebook and twitter, of which he would post odd sayings that i didn't understand, about blue skies when it was raining outside. Then one day, i got a friend request from twitter- blueskies was following me. I clicked on the profile-- it was his Cynthia! i accepted, and watched her twitter for awhile. She seemed pretty cool, and i tried asking Matt about her. He didn't have nice things to say, other than she had changed from the girl he fell in love with so many years ago. A few weeks later, i see pictures on Matt's facebook- from an airplane! He had left, without so much as a good-bye! I cried about that for 2 days, until even Mike lost his patience and told me to stop crying and choose: Matt or Mike. Since Matt had left me, i tried to erase him from my mind, until he called the very next day, needing a ride from the airport. And? I went running. Mike came with because he knew i would end up spending money. I took us all 3 thru the drive-thru, dropped Matt off, and mike and i went home.
I was mad at him for not telling me he was leaving, and that i had to leave work early to pick him up, but he is so damn charming i forgave him. So when he asked if i would mind driving him to the airport, so he could fly to CALIFORNIA for a job (KEEP THIS IN MIND) I didn't mind. He had to be at the airport at 4 AM, so i was planning to go his house about 10ish, we could hang out and then go. He didn't know how long the job was going to last, so didn't know when i would see him again.
As i said, I went over the night before, and we went out to dinner, during which Cynthia called. He told her he was out to dinner with me, and seemed surprised that she didn't know who i was. He had previously scolded me for talking to her on Facebook, and i had tried to tell him that we only play games, not talk about anything personal. Although she did mention she wished she had met when she was up here, which led me to believe that the car i helped return to the airport was hers.
When i dropped him off, i asked him how long he would be in the air. He said quite a few hours, with 2 different lay-overs. Lay overs?? It's a direct flight from Washington to CALIFORNIA. (Keeping this still in mind? Good.) As i was driving home, my oil light came on in my car. I love my car- she tells me when she needs anything. So i called my bro and asked him to please change my oil the next day before i broke down. Having blown TWO engines (Yeah, i know) I wasn't taking any chances. Fast forward to next day, when i went to my brothers, i posted a message on facebook "I will miss my best friend" To which Cynthia replied "I will take good care of him." Wait, what??? She lives on the East coast, and as far as i could remember, California was still on the west coast. At the same time, my bro and his friend came in and said they were going to get their girlfriends, and at the same time, all the oil will leak out. Sounds like a plan, it was only 4pm; i had plenty of time to get to Matt. But i was still wondering what she had meant by she'll take care of him.
I asked the opinion of my mom, who had listened to me cry about missing him, who told me one of two things. Either she was meeting him in Cali, or he lies and was flying to the East coast. I realized why he had 2 lay-overs, and i was beyond hurt. I texted him i would not make it, and turned off my phone.
Next day, i turned it back on, and had voice mails and text messages telling me his job didnt start for 2 more weeks, and Cynthia wanted too see him and was willing to pay for the ticket, and he didn't tell me to spare my feelings. This was too too much, and i jumped on facebook and publicly told him to forget my name, forget my number and forget ever "paying me back. As of this writing... he has.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
AGAIN?!!!!!!
WHAT THE F**K WILL IT TAKE TO WAKE ME UP??!?!?!?!?
Good day at work, got hit on twice. Thats not what mde it a good day, but it helps the ego. my manager Ben gave me some extra hours, so i will actually have a decent paycheck this week. Yea!! I got off at 7 and went to Mike's work to visit. He got off at 9, and we came home. He has to work Saturday's at 8:30 so i knew we weren't going out. He started drinking, and i came in the bedroom to change from my work clothes. I checked my email, played on line a bit, and then went out to socialize. and mike was telling nathan why he calls me "juicy fruit". This is a highly embarrassing nickname for me, and for him to tell his 16 year old son why... i was hurt and confused. nate is openminded, teased me a little but knows when to drop it. At 10:30, mike starts playing his keyboard. Loudly. nate and i were watching some weird movie, but this mattered not. Nate told mike we were and Mike said "Shut up, fuckers." So nate called him Sean. I laughed. Mike turned the keyboard off, went into his room and grabbed his boots, hat and nice shirt. Came out getting dressed and walked out the door. Remember, he had been drinking rum and whiskey for an hour... I started to stress. He popped back in the door, looked at me and sid "I am NOT taking my phone" then left. We listened as his tires spun away.
It's 11:30, and he's not here, and i have no desire to follow. I want to call Aziz and say "How bad can Algeria REALLY be, seriously?? Can i come?" But no money for a ticket. HELP!!!
Update: It's 4:45, and i just woke up. I dont know when he got here, but he was snoring on the couch. I threw a blanket over him and came back to bed. I dont know what to do.
Good day at work, got hit on twice. Thats not what mde it a good day, but it helps the ego. my manager Ben gave me some extra hours, so i will actually have a decent paycheck this week. Yea!! I got off at 7 and went to Mike's work to visit. He got off at 9, and we came home. He has to work Saturday's at 8:30 so i knew we weren't going out. He started drinking, and i came in the bedroom to change from my work clothes. I checked my email, played on line a bit, and then went out to socialize. and mike was telling nathan why he calls me "juicy fruit". This is a highly embarrassing nickname for me, and for him to tell his 16 year old son why... i was hurt and confused. nate is openminded, teased me a little but knows when to drop it. At 10:30, mike starts playing his keyboard. Loudly. nate and i were watching some weird movie, but this mattered not. Nate told mike we were and Mike said "Shut up, fuckers." So nate called him Sean. I laughed. Mike turned the keyboard off, went into his room and grabbed his boots, hat and nice shirt. Came out getting dressed and walked out the door. Remember, he had been drinking rum and whiskey for an hour... I started to stress. He popped back in the door, looked at me and sid "I am NOT taking my phone" then left. We listened as his tires spun away.
It's 11:30, and he's not here, and i have no desire to follow. I want to call Aziz and say "How bad can Algeria REALLY be, seriously?? Can i come?" But no money for a ticket. HELP!!!
Update: It's 4:45, and i just woke up. I dont know when he got here, but he was snoring on the couch. I threw a blanket over him and came back to bed. I dont know what to do.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Every damn time
i know, this time was not your fault. But...
I haven't seen Matt for about a month now. Since living in a tent, looking for a place, and just not having money for gas or favors, besides the hurtful text he sent, i haven't gotten down there. Last time i was there, i loaned him 20 bucks, which he promised to get right back. So this time, he said he had my 20; i went down. And loaned him ANOTHER 50. Mike will so have my ass. It was an accident, cause Matt lost his wallet, but still. If our friendship was a business investment...
What do you think?
I haven't seen Matt for about a month now. Since living in a tent, looking for a place, and just not having money for gas or favors, besides the hurtful text he sent, i haven't gotten down there. Last time i was there, i loaned him 20 bucks, which he promised to get right back. So this time, he said he had my 20; i went down. And loaned him ANOTHER 50. Mike will so have my ass. It was an accident, cause Matt lost his wallet, but still. If our friendship was a business investment...
What do you think?
cant think of a title
sorry all, kinda shaken. bizarre, cause i usually think of a title that will catch your eye. Anyway, I'm sitting on my front porch, because mike is asleep in the bedroom and i really do NOT want to wake him. Had a good day at work, and we went out after. I didn't think we were going to go out, but he wanted to. So we got dressed up; haven't done that in a while. Went out, had a great time. but just before we were headed out, my friend from work texted me; another friend had lost her job. She was asked to do a random drug test, and refused because she knew she would fail. So they fired her. Now, she has had several different things wrong with her lately, her cancer, her kidneys, and some other things. So naturally she's gonna have something in her system. Well, throughout our night out, all my friends from work are texting, back and forth, trying to get the real story. About midnight, Julie herself walks in. Now, if i was a bitch, i would have grabbed my phone, conference called my friends and hid the phone under the table. Instead, i turned off my phone, and just hugged her and let her cry. At 12:30 they called for last call and Mike sang his last song of the night. Mustang Sally; one of his favorites. (See, honey, i WAS paying attention.) After that, we left, and Mike asked to go to the casino. Now, before we lived 1/2 mile away, so i could make his ass walk home. But we now live 5 miles away, and besides, it's HIS money, let him spend as he wants as long as he doesn't ask me, right? Sure honey, lets go. And straight back to the bar he goes, i stop off at the bathroom. When i rejoin mike at the bar, i hear "There she is!" but in a bad way, like i wouldn't let mike out of my sights. Turning around, i see... Sean. Captain douchbag that we used to sublet from. And he is GREEN. Drunk off his ass, his eyes are gross and yellow and he looks sick. He comes to hug me, and mike walks away. wtf?
Sean sways next to me for about 10 minutes, bitching about mike, and how horrible he is, at the top of his lungs. Finally i excuse myself, and walk away because i dont want to punch him in a public place. i walk to the blackjack table and mike can tell im pissed. And its getting worse. the original "Only 20 dollars, honey" has already been 50, and he loses that in 3 hands. Puts down another 40, loses that in 3 hands. Another 40, another 3 hands. Countig? 130 dollars in TEN FUCKING MINUTES. So we leave. We've been at the bar a total of 25 minutes. In that 25 minutes, his attitude changed completly. The whole way home, he's mad at sean for being at the casino, mad at the casino for taking his money, mad at me for letting him go. Isn't deflecting responsibility a major sign of an addiction?? I didn't say a word the whole way home.
At our house, we have 2 assigned parking spaces. Mike's truck is in one, and Mike's car is in the other. To avoid the nieghbors saying anything, i park on the street. As i pulled off to park, he screamed at me to just park in the f***ing lot, nobody will F'ing care, F this, F that. I turned off the car, and he got out and slammed the door. Still screaming, he got into his truck, and i thought he was just moving it... no- he LEFT. Took off screeching down 29th st, drunk, cops everywhere. It was about a block down before he remembered to turn on his lights. I knew i was gonna have a panic attack if i stayed or followed, so i went ito the house. Took my anxiety meds, and laid down on the couch to deep breath, and it hit. Heart pounding, pulse beating in my ears, white dots floating behind my eyes, room spinning, thoughts racing. I pulled the blanket over my head, oxygen deprovation will help slow breath. Then police sirens... DAMN IT! it started again. But then i heard Mikes boots on the stairs, so i had to calm down. He came in, slammed the door, went in the kitchen then into the bedroom. I was trying to breath, but he thought i was crying, so he came over and told me to stop acting like a small child, grow up and go in the bedroom. He's the man, he gets the couch. I was trying to explain, the words wouldn't come. ((Try to talk when you can't breath; you'll understand))
That couch was my grandfather's. MY GRANDFATHER, and i was grandpa's girl. i slept on that couch when i was a child, and i was the only grandchild allowed to. Its special to me, and i knew it would help calm me down. But he kept insulting me, so i got up and came in the bedroom. He grabbed me on the bed in a semi bear hug and told me i am too much of a child. i told him i wasn't strong enough to be his girlfriend and want out. He squeezed me until he fell asleep. Its now 4AM and i must sleep.
Sean sways next to me for about 10 minutes, bitching about mike, and how horrible he is, at the top of his lungs. Finally i excuse myself, and walk away because i dont want to punch him in a public place. i walk to the blackjack table and mike can tell im pissed. And its getting worse. the original "Only 20 dollars, honey" has already been 50, and he loses that in 3 hands. Puts down another 40, loses that in 3 hands. Another 40, another 3 hands. Countig? 130 dollars in TEN FUCKING MINUTES. So we leave. We've been at the bar a total of 25 minutes. In that 25 minutes, his attitude changed completly. The whole way home, he's mad at sean for being at the casino, mad at the casino for taking his money, mad at me for letting him go. Isn't deflecting responsibility a major sign of an addiction?? I didn't say a word the whole way home.
At our house, we have 2 assigned parking spaces. Mike's truck is in one, and Mike's car is in the other. To avoid the nieghbors saying anything, i park on the street. As i pulled off to park, he screamed at me to just park in the f***ing lot, nobody will F'ing care, F this, F that. I turned off the car, and he got out and slammed the door. Still screaming, he got into his truck, and i thought he was just moving it... no- he LEFT. Took off screeching down 29th st, drunk, cops everywhere. It was about a block down before he remembered to turn on his lights. I knew i was gonna have a panic attack if i stayed or followed, so i went ito the house. Took my anxiety meds, and laid down on the couch to deep breath, and it hit. Heart pounding, pulse beating in my ears, white dots floating behind my eyes, room spinning, thoughts racing. I pulled the blanket over my head, oxygen deprovation will help slow breath. Then police sirens... DAMN IT! it started again. But then i heard Mikes boots on the stairs, so i had to calm down. He came in, slammed the door, went in the kitchen then into the bedroom. I was trying to breath, but he thought i was crying, so he came over and told me to stop acting like a small child, grow up and go in the bedroom. He's the man, he gets the couch. I was trying to explain, the words wouldn't come. ((Try to talk when you can't breath; you'll understand))
That couch was my grandfather's. MY GRANDFATHER, and i was grandpa's girl. i slept on that couch when i was a child, and i was the only grandchild allowed to. Its special to me, and i knew it would help calm me down. But he kept insulting me, so i got up and came in the bedroom. He grabbed me on the bed in a semi bear hug and told me i am too much of a child. i told him i wasn't strong enough to be his girlfriend and want out. He squeezed me until he fell asleep. Its now 4AM and i must sleep.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Guess he was right.
When i told my friends i was moving in with Mike, regardless of what has happened in the past, most of them were supportive. Or possibly indifferent. But Matt sent me a text that i will keep, saying, in part: "I think your wrapped up in his game, and really like the thought of being loved, but he doesn't love you and he will continue to hurt and ruin you, please stop what you are doing".
That hurt. And yet, since that day, i cannot get the thought out of my head that he may be right. Am i seriously THAT pathetic that i will let this guy use and take advantage of me. And i was so beyond pissed at Matt, that i vowed never to speak to him again. Which lasted about 3 weeks. But everytime i'm away from Mike, i miss him. I've dated other guys, even while with Mike, and i feel guilty; like its cheating. I've broken it off with Steve, though he's trying to tell me the same thing. Mike only wants me cause he's pathetically desperate too. (Well, there's one thing we have in common, huh?) And i try to push the thought from my head that our first month together was full of "I asked her out, and her, and her, and her, etc." And each time these women come into the bar, he's overly lovey-dovey. He's sweet when we're alone, so i know it's not a total fake, but i can tell when he's putting on a show. I've started noticing certain woman, and can pre-empt something happening. I no longer dress up to go to the bar, or just not go altogether.
We haven't gone for the past week, as we just moved into our new home. But yesterday was his payday, and he bought a new hat, came and surprised me at work, and he went. Yes, my boy dresses to impress. When i got off work, i went over. I got out of the car to hear the karoke DJ's fianc'e saying she wasn't ready to marry him because he holds onto the past so much. He still hangs outs with and talks to/about his ex girlfriends. Like a slap in the face, it hit me. I know Mike spent 20 years with Lena, good or bad. He loves her because she gave him 3 beautiful children; something i know i can never do. And i have accepted that they still talk because they have children. But everytime she calls, Mike rolls his eyes and hands the phone to Nathan. And then makes sure that i know every word that was said later on. She's mad because when Mike brings the kids over, he doesn't stay with her anymore. (duh) Or because Mike and Nathan brought a new girl to her daughter's graduation. I've heard these fights and many more between the 3 of them, and it warms my heart that Mike AND Nathan take my side. Thats love, right?
Last night Mike's manager showed up at the bar. He hugged me like we were old friends, and he and Mike struck up conversation. Under the table, this guy puts his hand on my leg! Mike is so beyond drunk, he doesn't notice i'm scooting away, to the point i'm just about at the other table. And each time i moved, so did his manager. i slapped his hand away, and got off the stool to stand. And he grabbed my butt. I had enough. I told Mike was leaving, see you at home, and he said "Warm up that button for me" And proceeded to tell his manager all about my... anatomy! Wtf! I went to the bathroom to calm down, and came out in time to see Mike point to one of the women there, that he had asked out numerous times, and tell manager-boy that she was his first love. Following his finger, he was pointing to Kris, the bartender. I had enough. I turned and left. What do you know, Maybe Matt was right.
That hurt. And yet, since that day, i cannot get the thought out of my head that he may be right. Am i seriously THAT pathetic that i will let this guy use and take advantage of me. And i was so beyond pissed at Matt, that i vowed never to speak to him again. Which lasted about 3 weeks. But everytime i'm away from Mike, i miss him. I've dated other guys, even while with Mike, and i feel guilty; like its cheating. I've broken it off with Steve, though he's trying to tell me the same thing. Mike only wants me cause he's pathetically desperate too. (Well, there's one thing we have in common, huh?) And i try to push the thought from my head that our first month together was full of "I asked her out, and her, and her, and her, etc." And each time these women come into the bar, he's overly lovey-dovey. He's sweet when we're alone, so i know it's not a total fake, but i can tell when he's putting on a show. I've started noticing certain woman, and can pre-empt something happening. I no longer dress up to go to the bar, or just not go altogether.
We haven't gone for the past week, as we just moved into our new home. But yesterday was his payday, and he bought a new hat, came and surprised me at work, and he went. Yes, my boy dresses to impress. When i got off work, i went over. I got out of the car to hear the karoke DJ's fianc'e saying she wasn't ready to marry him because he holds onto the past so much. He still hangs outs with and talks to/about his ex girlfriends. Like a slap in the face, it hit me. I know Mike spent 20 years with Lena, good or bad. He loves her because she gave him 3 beautiful children; something i know i can never do. And i have accepted that they still talk because they have children. But everytime she calls, Mike rolls his eyes and hands the phone to Nathan. And then makes sure that i know every word that was said later on. She's mad because when Mike brings the kids over, he doesn't stay with her anymore. (duh) Or because Mike and Nathan brought a new girl to her daughter's graduation. I've heard these fights and many more between the 3 of them, and it warms my heart that Mike AND Nathan take my side. Thats love, right?
Last night Mike's manager showed up at the bar. He hugged me like we were old friends, and he and Mike struck up conversation. Under the table, this guy puts his hand on my leg! Mike is so beyond drunk, he doesn't notice i'm scooting away, to the point i'm just about at the other table. And each time i moved, so did his manager. i slapped his hand away, and got off the stool to stand. And he grabbed my butt. I had enough. I told Mike was leaving, see you at home, and he said "Warm up that button for me" And proceeded to tell his manager all about my... anatomy! Wtf! I went to the bathroom to calm down, and came out in time to see Mike point to one of the women there, that he had asked out numerous times, and tell manager-boy that she was his first love. Following his finger, he was pointing to Kris, the bartender. I had enough. I turned and left. What do you know, Maybe Matt was right.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Maybe they're right
i have no one to turn to. I live in a tent, on my mother's front lawn. The tent has a broken zipper, so we have no front door. For the first time in 2 months, it is raining, which is how we found out the tent in NOT waterproof. Our tarp is covering our mattress, which is leaned against the house getting wet regardless. We, our? Yes, i'm moving in with Mike. You're asking yourself why, with two incomes, (3, really) are we living in a tent? By the end of this letter, you will be saying Why is she staying with him?? But i jump ahead of myself.
July 1, i paid Mike 250.00 for rent early because he had to pick up his children. 10 minutes later, his sister called wanting to borrow money. To each his own, my rent was paid. I trusted Mike to pay the homeowner's fees. We had talked deriously about moving out, but made no serious effort to do so. We needed a 2 bedroom at least, so mikes son can have his own room. And then the kids came... And wanted to stay. And i was ready to leave. I can do a 1 bedroom easily. But i couldn't live with myself for ditching Mike, so i stuck it out. 3 weeks later, on the hottest day of July (In TEN YEARS, no less), the idiot we sublet from came into my work. To tell me they had turned off our power. He was drunk enough to believe the circuit had shorted our due to the air conditioner; but had this inkling. I texted Mike, who chose then to inform me that he had, in fact, NOT paid, because we were saving up to move. Oh, okay. Well, now what? Send the kids to his mom's, and we'll play camping for a few weeks and look for an apartment. Yeah, just what i want to do- live in a dark apartment with no hot water, 2 alcoholics and a dog. So i started looking for an affordable 2 bedroom apartment. I can tough it out for a few days, right? This is the scenario that brought Mike and i together. They HOA turned off our electricity a few days after i moved in, because Sean hadn't paid dues in a year. Mike made arraingments and the power was restored. While i was apartment hunting, Sean had called the elecetric company to find out how much Mike owed. Mike didn't owe cause i had just paid the bill. Which left Sean knowing why the power was cut off. Which made him mad. An alcoholic with a proven temper is bad enough. But add a valid reason to be mad? Shit. We packed up and came to my mom's that very night.
We spent the first night on the floor of the den, but only because the cousin supposed to be living in that room was off trying to find a girlfriend she could mooch off of. The next day i asked my brother if i could borrow his tent. He said yes, and here we are. During all this, Mike and i continue to work, and the extra 15 miles round trip from lake tapps to auburn is bleeding our gas tanks. I apply to a few apartments, get approved and then get bumped from bottom floor to top. No top floor. Next? We find a nice little place in Auburn, it's damn near perfect, except 2 things. Because of an incident in MY past, they want a 1350 dollar damage deposit. Yikes! This is before rent. I put my last 500 down, to hold the apartment, and i vow to live on bread and water for the next 2 weeks.
I ignore anybody that talks shit about Mike, i know wy we're in this situation. I work hard, to prove to my boss i'm reliable, dependable, i can do anything! I'm praying they dont cut my hours. I will put the entire paycheck towards the deposit, and live one more week on bread and water... The rest of the deposit will be taken care of on the 1st, and mike will pay rent. Right? After car payment and insurance, i'll be broke, again. When i say broke, i dont mean i have a little money. I mean i have pennies in my account just in case i need to pull out emergency cash. Yes, it will throw me into overdraft, but it MIGHT have to be done. Careful planning should avoid this.
Back to Sherwood Gardens... 2 pools, sauna, on-site laundry, tons of parking, our apartment was so far from the office that they would never know there was 3 of us. So what was the 2nd thing wrong? As they say in the movies, "Location, location, location." This complex was right across the street from the Muckleshoot Casino. I kept telling myself that while Mike has a severe gambling problem, he would never lose rent money to a casino. I push the fact that our July rent (our? hmmm...) probably went to a casino out of my head. This was all okay, i could handle the stress bit by bit, until it started to rain. We need the rain, and it hasn't rained in almost 2 months. People's lawns were turning ugly colors. Mike had yesterday off, and was suppsoed to spend it with Nathan. Apparently 4 hours was enough, cause he was back at my work by 6. I took my break, and went out to his truck. He had plans to go out drinking, and would see me at the bar when i got off. At 11. How can he drink when we have no money?
He tells me he has money, he's saving up for rent. He wont drink to much, he says. I ask him not to drive, because it had started to rain, which makes the road slippery. I can't emotionally afford a car accident, and financially we'd be really screwed if he gets pulled over or worse. He snapped back to stop worrying, he's a big boy. He's 47 and can take care of himself. (Yeah? PROVE IT. But i shut up.) I was hurt and pissed. I got out of his truck without a kiss and walked into work without turning around. 20 steps later, i was crying as i walked in the front door. Who can i talk to? Who will tell me it will be okay, and we will get thru this? Meghan and Angela will both tell me the truth, which i already know. Then i would take out my hurt from Mike on them, and lose friends and create drama at work. So i keep it inside. It rains harder as the night goes on. I start to develop a headache. I rarely get headaches, so i assume this will pass. just the rain pushing the allergins out of the air, right? I go to work, closing with the store manager in the first time for 4 months. This manager we HAVE to impress. You dont impress her, you get your hours cut drastically. And i really dont want that right now. I'm running around stocking, facing, dusting, and nursing a headache. 9PM rolls around, and my head hurts with every move i make. I now know it's stress, because i took medication at lunch and it didn't go away. Plus, Mike showed up about 15 minutes later, just to tell me he's okay, and i swear i felt it go away. When he left it started up again, worse than before. I knew he would drink more, but after drinking for 3 hours, he was still pretty sober. We got out of work at 10:45 and i texted him. He was at the store; i'll see you at home. Nice! I was actually happy to go home, and relax a little. Watch a movie and nurse this damn headache.
I got home, but couldn't even get out of the car. I HATE being here. I hate the fact that i live in a tent because there's no room in the inn. I hate the fact that my mother would give up her own room if i could truthfully say i was pregnant. But i digress. When i see Mike's headlights in the driveway, only then do i open my car door. i walk over to his car to say hello and he looks like hell. In fact, he looks like i feel. What happened?! He says he feels like shit. "Why honey? Are you sick?""i spent too much money today; money we dont have."
In the back of my head i KNEW what was coming and i fought the urge to run for my razor. (talk about regression, sheesh.) I wanted to believe he spent money drinking, with Nathan, on his mom, ANYTHING!!! No... he lost over 100 dollars. To the casino. And my cute little apartment with 2 pools, sauna, and lots of parking? Right out the window. I can't afford it financially, and mentally i would never stop stressing. Not IF he was there, but HOW LONG he was there. Not that that makes a difference; i've seen him play 3 hours on 20 dollars and lose 50 in the next 2 minutes. I didn't say a word about it. He looked sorry, said he felt like shit, whats the point? Why cause drama? We go to bed.
All night, tossing and turning, nightmares racing thru my head. Everytime i wake up, there is a new puddle on the floor. Because my laptop serves as light, and entertainment we have an extension cord from the house to the tent. In the dark i mentally picture myself stepping into a puddle of water on top of the elecrtic cord. Much as i love lightning, i dont want to be electrocuted. Again. And i dont want my laptop wet, so i unplug and hide it under my pillow. 3AM...4AM... sleep wont come. Naps, yes. With nightmares. I only have nightmares when i'm at the top of my stress point, so i know i'm in trouble. At 6AM a splash of water hits my forehead and i jolt out of bed; wide awake. I run thru who i can talk to about this; Matt's already mad cause i can't afford to come to Tacoma, John wont speak to me because i wont have sex with him. Steve will just offer to kick Mike's ass, Meghan the same. Julie and Angela will say pack up and leave his ass, and anybody in the house would say the same. Even if i HAD a therapist i wouldn't call her because she would say the same damn thing. So now you know my situation, up to the minute. Was i right? Are you asking yourself why i'm stupid enough to stay with him? Because i will spent the rest of my natural life wondering if he's okay. His kids, his mom, him. Are they okay? I know because i still do this about my ex boyfriend and my ex husband. This is me, and i know myself.
July 1, i paid Mike 250.00 for rent early because he had to pick up his children. 10 minutes later, his sister called wanting to borrow money. To each his own, my rent was paid. I trusted Mike to pay the homeowner's fees. We had talked deriously about moving out, but made no serious effort to do so. We needed a 2 bedroom at least, so mikes son can have his own room. And then the kids came... And wanted to stay. And i was ready to leave. I can do a 1 bedroom easily. But i couldn't live with myself for ditching Mike, so i stuck it out. 3 weeks later, on the hottest day of July (In TEN YEARS, no less), the idiot we sublet from came into my work. To tell me they had turned off our power. He was drunk enough to believe the circuit had shorted our due to the air conditioner; but had this inkling. I texted Mike, who chose then to inform me that he had, in fact, NOT paid, because we were saving up to move. Oh, okay. Well, now what? Send the kids to his mom's, and we'll play camping for a few weeks and look for an apartment. Yeah, just what i want to do- live in a dark apartment with no hot water, 2 alcoholics and a dog. So i started looking for an affordable 2 bedroom apartment. I can tough it out for a few days, right? This is the scenario that brought Mike and i together. They HOA turned off our electricity a few days after i moved in, because Sean hadn't paid dues in a year. Mike made arraingments and the power was restored. While i was apartment hunting, Sean had called the elecetric company to find out how much Mike owed. Mike didn't owe cause i had just paid the bill. Which left Sean knowing why the power was cut off. Which made him mad. An alcoholic with a proven temper is bad enough. But add a valid reason to be mad? Shit. We packed up and came to my mom's that very night.
We spent the first night on the floor of the den, but only because the cousin supposed to be living in that room was off trying to find a girlfriend she could mooch off of. The next day i asked my brother if i could borrow his tent. He said yes, and here we are. During all this, Mike and i continue to work, and the extra 15 miles round trip from lake tapps to auburn is bleeding our gas tanks. I apply to a few apartments, get approved and then get bumped from bottom floor to top. No top floor. Next? We find a nice little place in Auburn, it's damn near perfect, except 2 things. Because of an incident in MY past, they want a 1350 dollar damage deposit. Yikes! This is before rent. I put my last 500 down, to hold the apartment, and i vow to live on bread and water for the next 2 weeks.
I ignore anybody that talks shit about Mike, i know wy we're in this situation. I work hard, to prove to my boss i'm reliable, dependable, i can do anything! I'm praying they dont cut my hours. I will put the entire paycheck towards the deposit, and live one more week on bread and water... The rest of the deposit will be taken care of on the 1st, and mike will pay rent. Right? After car payment and insurance, i'll be broke, again. When i say broke, i dont mean i have a little money. I mean i have pennies in my account just in case i need to pull out emergency cash. Yes, it will throw me into overdraft, but it MIGHT have to be done. Careful planning should avoid this.
Back to Sherwood Gardens... 2 pools, sauna, on-site laundry, tons of parking, our apartment was so far from the office that they would never know there was 3 of us. So what was the 2nd thing wrong? As they say in the movies, "Location, location, location." This complex was right across the street from the Muckleshoot Casino. I kept telling myself that while Mike has a severe gambling problem, he would never lose rent money to a casino. I push the fact that our July rent (our? hmmm...) probably went to a casino out of my head. This was all okay, i could handle the stress bit by bit, until it started to rain. We need the rain, and it hasn't rained in almost 2 months. People's lawns were turning ugly colors. Mike had yesterday off, and was suppsoed to spend it with Nathan. Apparently 4 hours was enough, cause he was back at my work by 6. I took my break, and went out to his truck. He had plans to go out drinking, and would see me at the bar when i got off. At 11. How can he drink when we have no money?
He tells me he has money, he's saving up for rent. He wont drink to much, he says. I ask him not to drive, because it had started to rain, which makes the road slippery. I can't emotionally afford a car accident, and financially we'd be really screwed if he gets pulled over or worse. He snapped back to stop worrying, he's a big boy. He's 47 and can take care of himself. (Yeah? PROVE IT. But i shut up.) I was hurt and pissed. I got out of his truck without a kiss and walked into work without turning around. 20 steps later, i was crying as i walked in the front door. Who can i talk to? Who will tell me it will be okay, and we will get thru this? Meghan and Angela will both tell me the truth, which i already know. Then i would take out my hurt from Mike on them, and lose friends and create drama at work. So i keep it inside. It rains harder as the night goes on. I start to develop a headache. I rarely get headaches, so i assume this will pass. just the rain pushing the allergins out of the air, right? I go to work, closing with the store manager in the first time for 4 months. This manager we HAVE to impress. You dont impress her, you get your hours cut drastically. And i really dont want that right now. I'm running around stocking, facing, dusting, and nursing a headache. 9PM rolls around, and my head hurts with every move i make. I now know it's stress, because i took medication at lunch and it didn't go away. Plus, Mike showed up about 15 minutes later, just to tell me he's okay, and i swear i felt it go away. When he left it started up again, worse than before. I knew he would drink more, but after drinking for 3 hours, he was still pretty sober. We got out of work at 10:45 and i texted him. He was at the store; i'll see you at home. Nice! I was actually happy to go home, and relax a little. Watch a movie and nurse this damn headache.
I got home, but couldn't even get out of the car. I HATE being here. I hate the fact that i live in a tent because there's no room in the inn. I hate the fact that my mother would give up her own room if i could truthfully say i was pregnant. But i digress. When i see Mike's headlights in the driveway, only then do i open my car door. i walk over to his car to say hello and he looks like hell. In fact, he looks like i feel. What happened?! He says he feels like shit. "Why honey? Are you sick?""i spent too much money today; money we dont have."
In the back of my head i KNEW what was coming and i fought the urge to run for my razor. (talk about regression, sheesh.) I wanted to believe he spent money drinking, with Nathan, on his mom, ANYTHING!!! No... he lost over 100 dollars. To the casino. And my cute little apartment with 2 pools, sauna, and lots of parking? Right out the window. I can't afford it financially, and mentally i would never stop stressing. Not IF he was there, but HOW LONG he was there. Not that that makes a difference; i've seen him play 3 hours on 20 dollars and lose 50 in the next 2 minutes. I didn't say a word about it. He looked sorry, said he felt like shit, whats the point? Why cause drama? We go to bed.
All night, tossing and turning, nightmares racing thru my head. Everytime i wake up, there is a new puddle on the floor. Because my laptop serves as light, and entertainment we have an extension cord from the house to the tent. In the dark i mentally picture myself stepping into a puddle of water on top of the elecrtic cord. Much as i love lightning, i dont want to be electrocuted. Again. And i dont want my laptop wet, so i unplug and hide it under my pillow. 3AM...4AM... sleep wont come. Naps, yes. With nightmares. I only have nightmares when i'm at the top of my stress point, so i know i'm in trouble. At 6AM a splash of water hits my forehead and i jolt out of bed; wide awake. I run thru who i can talk to about this; Matt's already mad cause i can't afford to come to Tacoma, John wont speak to me because i wont have sex with him. Steve will just offer to kick Mike's ass, Meghan the same. Julie and Angela will say pack up and leave his ass, and anybody in the house would say the same. Even if i HAD a therapist i wouldn't call her because she would say the same damn thing. So now you know my situation, up to the minute. Was i right? Are you asking yourself why i'm stupid enough to stay with him? Because i will spent the rest of my natural life wondering if he's okay. His kids, his mom, him. Are they okay? I know because i still do this about my ex boyfriend and my ex husband. This is me, and i know myself.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
I played Katy Perry
That is, i kissed a girl. But didnt exactly like it. And my boyfriend didn't mind it. I met Steve outside his work today, and he came out with Val. He brought her to my work to meet me, and she (in his words) was sprung. K, whatever. I honestly didn't think anything of it. So they walked out of work today, and she stood there. He was searching for my car, i was trying to put on make up, fast as i can. he came over and kissed me, she made a face and he said "you'll get yours, be patient." She came over and hugged me and called me beautiful. Then Steve told her we should all go, and she said "Normal spot?" Which was kind of my fist clue that 1) Something was about to happen and 2) Something between these 2 ALREADY HAD. So i took my anxiety pill. i follwed steve to his car and val followed in hers. we pulled up to a secluded spot, where she slipped off her skirt, and... the rest will be left to your imagination. Suffice to say, she had fun, he had fun, and i am blacking it out of my memory. Night!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Steve
Okay... He came today. AGAIN. According to Julie and Meghan, he's come everyday! He asks about me, and they wont answer any of his questions. Julie says he's cute, Meghan says he's stuck-up. Here's what i know, he's ex-military, blue eyes, light hair. So far into the "Not-my-type" zone i'll need a map if i date him. But he's asking about me... Now cashier's get hit on all the time, so this is not a big deal, but it's flattering. But we all know enough about each other to know what we can talk about. I've told em they can tell this guy I'm taken, i'm not a cheater, and thanks but no thanks. He showed up today with a different girl. Why? To show me that he can? Men. Ugh.
Monday, July 20, 2009
i met somebody...?
Part of my job when im working cosmetics is to let peoples in the bathroom. "Code 2, please? Code 2" Like its an undercover mission. Yesterday this guy came in and i let him in the bathroom and he said "A beautiful lady to let me in the bathroom." And i blushed, as i do. But i let him in and walked away to help my manager. I told her he hit on me, and she smiled. I was then paged to help in photo and as i was walking away i heard the bathroom door open. I continued to photo, where i helped my friend, and told her what just happened. (Hey, this guy was cute! We all get hit on often, but he really was!) I turned around...there he was! He asked if i work tomorrow (being Monday; today) I said no- i'll be here Wed and Thurs. Meghan asked if she could help with anything and we both shushed her and i told her its not a Walgreens question. I blushed and she figured it out. This guy (Steve) left. I didn't really think i would hear from him again. Until a few minutes ago, my phone rang. It was work; i let it go to voicemail. While listening to the voicemail from Meghan, i got another call; a number i didn't recognize. They left a message. Turned out to be Julie. Both girls said basically the same thing...CALL ME ASAP! I called Walgreens; Julie answered but was already out of it so i asked for Meghan. Im thinking something happened in the store...? (TO Michelle, perhaps?) Nope... Steve came in asking about me. Am i single? (How'd they answer that?) Would i date him? (Again...what did they tell him??!) He left all his info with Julie, so i should go see her tomorrow...
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Rude much?
Okay- my job is usually fun. I spent the night before sleeping in my car, which was fun but oddly uncomfortable. So i was probably not in the best of moods. Besides that, one of my co-workers is a 65 year old Bosnian woman that hates me. And makes no attempt to hide it. Strike 2. But one of my favorite managers was on duty, my daily project was to fold t-shirts, i didn't have to sign anything, so i was doing okay. Until 11AM... We are short handed everyday but Friday, so some items stay in our stockroom. If a customer comes up and asks for a particular item, we can cal for a stock check and somebody will get that item. Everybody wins. This customer came up to buy her items, including mushrooms, oranges and chicken broth. I remember because these are the 3 items on sale, and they also happened to be OUT OF STOCK. I had been giving out rainchecks all morning, while we were waiting for a small delivery. This lasy had gotten the wrong broth, the computer would not accept the coupon. I cannot manually force it too. I explained that i can give her a raincheck for all 3 items, and she can come at her convenience and get them at the sale price. Our deliveries come in on Fridays, and we will have a fresh delivery. "You get your items on Friday and sold out by Wednesday. Why do i even bother to come here?" (I bit my tongue.) She mumbled more under her breath, but i finished ringing up her purchases and writing her rainchecks. My polocy is to ring up all coupons at the END of the transaction, most customers like to see how much they've saved. My regulars like this. This lasy, however, was not amused. When the coupon didn't work with the broth, i explained we are out of that particular brand, can give ANOTHER raincheck. Or i can ask a manager if she can have the butterball broth she brought up, for the Swansans brand on sale. "Well, go get my soup!" I explained we were out, but my manager was coming to override and give her the sale price. I had a line forming at this point so i grabbed the intercom and paged for a 2nd cashier. The only available one was Kras, the Bolivian woman. My customer continued grumbling, but she knew she was getting a hell of a deal, so we finished her transaction. My manager came up, worked her manager magic, and customer finished paying. Then she did the one thing i hate most. I have a line of about 5 people, no 2nd cashier, and she stands right there w/o moving and analyzes her reciept. I reached over the counter and put her bag on the floor to make room for my next customer. I helped my line, and angry lady was still there. I'll be damned if she didn't find an actual mistake. The coupon for one of her items hadn't rung up. Hydrogen peroxide is 1.00$, on sale for .99$. Yes, i had forgotten to save her a penny. And she wanted it. NOW. Because the purchase was complete, i could not give her a refund, only a manager can do that. I explained if she would wait in aisle 1, i would have a manager over there immidiatly to help her. I grabbed my intercome, and something in my voice told my manager to GTF out here. AGAIN. Angry lady stood there and waited, telling my customers to watch their reciepts, and count their change because im probably stealing money. I started to see red. Debbie came and escorted her to the return counter, and i went back to folding t-shirts. Few minutes later, Debbie came over. She looked so serious, i was nervous. She said that she didn't want to, but because it was a legitimate mistake, Walgreens policy is to give her a 25$ giftcard. And loss-prevention will want to know why, so consider this my official verbal warning. At this moment i can see the old bat of a customer walking over to us. Debbie keeps talking, and i was getting mad. A PENNY. My clean record smudged because ONE CENT. The customer came over and said " Young lady, you are incompitant and if it were up to me, You would be fired." I took a deep breath, and said "Ma'am, if it was up to ME, you wouldn't be allowed in my store." and walked away. I walked into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. When i came out, Kras sent me to lunch. I had nowhere else to go so went to see Mike. maybe he'll make me feel better... He didn't even get off his chair. i played online for awhile, then went back. Mike texted me to come back after work, and we'll talk. When i got back, my manager was waiting by the timeclock- she told me the "official warning" wasn't official, but to appease the customer, she wanted it to look real. makes sense but i was still angry.
I finished out my day, no troubles. Day went pretty fast actually. I was getting nervous about talking to mike; we've been having issues for a few weeks now. When i got off at 4:30, i texted him- maybe we can meet somewhere so we have some privacy. This is our number one issue right now. No communication, no privacy. He was at work, but go ahead and cook for the kids. HUH?! Your daughter is 18... and cant bake french fries?? I went to the house, and set up my computer. If nothing else, i can play until he gets home. Brandy, the 13 yr old, came over and asked what time we were having dinner. I cannot say no to her, she is so much like i was at that age. Shy and soft spoken. I told her i would get right on it. She told me that her dad said if they ask, i will just buy McDonalds. i was PISSED. A few days ago, he got drunk and started telling me the things he loves about me. i swear this is the list, before he realized what he said: " Rich, beautiful eyes, nice smile..." thats where he caught his mistake. Im rich? No- i'm money smart. And now i see why he is too. CUZ I PAY EVERYTHING. Which has stopped, NOW.
I finished out my day, no troubles. Day went pretty fast actually. I was getting nervous about talking to mike; we've been having issues for a few weeks now. When i got off at 4:30, i texted him- maybe we can meet somewhere so we have some privacy. This is our number one issue right now. No communication, no privacy. He was at work, but go ahead and cook for the kids. HUH?! Your daughter is 18... and cant bake french fries?? I went to the house, and set up my computer. If nothing else, i can play until he gets home. Brandy, the 13 yr old, came over and asked what time we were having dinner. I cannot say no to her, she is so much like i was at that age. Shy and soft spoken. I told her i would get right on it. She told me that her dad said if they ask, i will just buy McDonalds. i was PISSED. A few days ago, he got drunk and started telling me the things he loves about me. i swear this is the list, before he realized what he said: " Rich, beautiful eyes, nice smile..." thats where he caught his mistake. Im rich? No- i'm money smart. And now i see why he is too. CUZ I PAY EVERYTHING. Which has stopped, NOW.
2 verbal bitch slaps
Okay- my job is usually fun. I spent the night before sleeping in my car, which was fun but oddly uncomfortable. So i was probably not in the best of moods. Besides that, one of my co-workers is a 65 year old Bosnian woman that hates me. And makes no attempt to hide it. Strike 2. But one of my favorite managers was on duty, my daily project was to fold t-shirts, i didn't have to sign anything, so i was doing okay. Until 11AM... We are short handed everyday but Friday, so some items stay in our stockroom. If a customer comes up and asks for a particular item, we can cal for a stock check and somebody will get that item. Everybody wins. This customer came up to buy her items, including mushrooms, oranges and chicken broth. I remember because these are the 3 items on sale, and they also happened to be OUT OF STOCK. I had been giving out rainchecks all morning, while we were waiting for a small delivery. This lasy had gotten the wrong broth, the computer would not accept the coupon. I cannot manually force it too. I explained that i can give her a raincheck for all 3 items, and she can come at her convenience and get them at the sale price. Our deliveries come in on Fridays, and we will have a fresh delivery. "You get your items on Friday and sold out by Wednesday. Why do i even bother to come here?" (I bit my tongue.) She mumbled more under her breath, but i finished ringing up her purchases and writing her rainchecks. My polocy is to ring up all coupons at the END of the transaction, most customers like to see how much they've saved. My regulars like this. This lasy, however, was not amused. When the coupon didn't work with the broth, i explained we are out of that particular brand, can give ANOTHER raincheck. Or i can ask a manager if she can have the butterball broth she brought up, for the Swansans brand on sale. "Well, go get my soup!" I explained we were out, but my manager was coming to override and give her the sale price. I had a line forming at this point so i grabbed the intercom and paged for a 2nd cashier. The only available one was Kras, the Bolivian woman. My customer continued grumbling, but she knew she was getting a hell of a deal, so we finished her transaction. My manager came up, worked her manager magic, and customer finished paying. Then she did the one thing i hate most. I have a line of about 5 people, no 2nd cashier, and she stands right there w/o moving and analyzes her reciept. I reached over the counter and put her bag on the floor to make room for my next customer. I helped my line, and angry lady was still there. I'll be damned if she didn't find an actual mistake. The coupon for one of her items hadn't rung up. Hydrogen peroxide is 1.00$, on sale for .99$. Yes, i had forgotten to save her a penny. And she wanted it. NOW. Because the purchase was complete, i could not give her a refund, only a manager can do that. I explained if she would wait in aisle 1, i would have a manager over there immidiatly to help her. I grabbed my intercome, and something in my voice told my manager to GTF out here. AGAIN. Angry lady stood there and waited, telling my customers to watch their reciepts, and count their change because im probably stealing money. I started to see red. Debbie came and escorted her to the return counter, and i went back to folding t-shirts. Few minutes later, Debbie came over. She looked so serious, i was nervous. She said that she didn't want to, but because it was a legitimate mistake, Walgreens policy is to give her a 25$ giftcard. And loss-prevention will want to know why, so consider this my official verbal warning. At this moment i can see the old bat of a customer walking over to us. Debbie keeps talking, and i was getting mad. A PENNY. My clean record smudged because ONE CENT. The customer came over and said " Young lady, you are incompitant and if it were up to me, You would be fired." I took a deep breath, and said "Ma'am, if it was up to ME, you wouldn't be allowed in my store." and walked away. I walked into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. When i came out, Kras sent me to lunch. I had nowhere else to go so went to see Mike. maybe he'll make me feel better... He didn't even get off his chair. i played online for awhile, then went back. Mike texted me to come back after work, and we'll talk. When i got back, my manager was waiting by the timeclock- she told me the "official warning" wasn't official, but to appease the customer, she wanted it to look real. makes sense but i was still angry.
I finished out my day, no troubles. Day went pretty fast actually. I was getting nervous about talking to mike; we've been having issues for a few weeks now. When i got off at 4:30, i texted him- maybe we can meet somewhere so we have some privacy. This is our number one issue right now. No communication, no privacy. He was at work, but go ahead and cook for the kids. HUH?! Your daughter is 18... and cant bake french fries?? I went to the house, and set up my computer. If nothing else, i can play until he gets home. Brandy, the 13 yr old, came over and asked what time we were having dinner. I cannot say no to her, she is so much like i was at that age. Shy and soft spoken. I told her i would get right on it. She told me that her dad said if they ask, i will just buy McDonalds. i was PISSED. A few days ago, he got drunk and started telling me the things he loves about me. i swear this is the list, before he realized what he said: " Rich, beautiful eyes, nice smile..." thats where he caught his mistake.
Monday, July 13, 2009
I did but i didn't
I cant remeber if i wrote about Mr business card, and im not breaking my rules and going back to look. Long story short, this guy asked me out (happens alot in retail apperently)and i teased and said i would need his phone number. A week later he came back and gave it to me. I never called. When he showed back up, i explained that i was in a relationship. And he explained he just wanted to have a little fun. I'm NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL, DAMMIT!!!
He comes in everyday and buys 2 packs of Kool cigarettes, so i see him often. He gave me his address, and told me i am welcome anytime, he sees me smile all the time, and "wants to be part of what makes me smile." I thought this was so so sweet.
Things are strained between Mike and I, to the point that i have slept in my car a few times. Well, Mr. Business card came in last night, and was teasing me, so i said i would call. He kissed me... in the store. I debated, talked it over with friends, and texted mike. I said i was going out with friends from work (Not exactly a lie...) but will come home to shower and change first. No text back. After work, i went home, he was asleep. While i was changing, he woke up to say have a good time, while i was hoping he would say stay home. I didn't.
Mr business card is also named Michael, and he lives 4 blocks away. I got there in minutes, and we sat on the couch. We talked for a few minutes; he's very very blunt. "Why did you come here? What do you want to happen? what are your expectations?" I just told him im not a cheater, ive never just gone to bed with strangers, im not that kind of girl. So we talked for a bit more, he told me he wanted to be part of the reason i smile, and that i am welcome anytime. Then he kissed me very slowly, like i like, but dont get. And it took every ounce of my self control not to go any further.
And when i got home, no dishes were done, the kitchen was a mess, the dog hadn't been taken out, even though 3 teenagers had been home all day, the beds hadn't been made, and they were asking me what i had downloaded.
I took the dog for a VERY long walk, trying to cool down. When i got home, Mike was awake, and i tried to get close. Not sexually, just hold me for a minute. Show me that i mean something; stop me from going to Michaels house. But he didn't, and... i'm wishing i did.
He comes in everyday and buys 2 packs of Kool cigarettes, so i see him often. He gave me his address, and told me i am welcome anytime, he sees me smile all the time, and "wants to be part of what makes me smile." I thought this was so so sweet.
Things are strained between Mike and I, to the point that i have slept in my car a few times. Well, Mr. Business card came in last night, and was teasing me, so i said i would call. He kissed me... in the store. I debated, talked it over with friends, and texted mike. I said i was going out with friends from work (Not exactly a lie...) but will come home to shower and change first. No text back. After work, i went home, he was asleep. While i was changing, he woke up to say have a good time, while i was hoping he would say stay home. I didn't.
Mr business card is also named Michael, and he lives 4 blocks away. I got there in minutes, and we sat on the couch. We talked for a few minutes; he's very very blunt. "Why did you come here? What do you want to happen? what are your expectations?" I just told him im not a cheater, ive never just gone to bed with strangers, im not that kind of girl. So we talked for a bit more, he told me he wanted to be part of the reason i smile, and that i am welcome anytime. Then he kissed me very slowly, like i like, but dont get. And it took every ounce of my self control not to go any further.
And when i got home, no dishes were done, the kitchen was a mess, the dog hadn't been taken out, even though 3 teenagers had been home all day, the beds hadn't been made, and they were asking me what i had downloaded.
I took the dog for a VERY long walk, trying to cool down. When i got home, Mike was awake, and i tried to get close. Not sexually, just hold me for a minute. Show me that i mean something; stop me from going to Michaels house. But he didn't, and... i'm wishing i did.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Needing,,,
Im sure you've heard the expression "Needs a good stiff one." Usually i believe it means a drink, but in my case...
Mike is 47 in chronological years, but much much older physically. we flew thru our "honeymoon phase" and have settled into a boring once-a-week routine. Ive never been a big fan of sex; its messy and over way too quick. I can literally count my partners on one hand, and only 2 of those have made me want more. 40%... no wonder i didn't like it.
Since his kids are here, we're on the living room floor, which is hurting both our backs. Plus we never know if the alcoholic in the corner will come home, or if the kids will come out for food, drink or bathroom. This is putting such a strain on our relationship, im honestly thinking of moving out. With privacy, i would have a little more control over my life, and might be able to... get something to bring the smile back to my face. Is that horrible or what?
Mike is 47 in chronological years, but much much older physically. we flew thru our "honeymoon phase" and have settled into a boring once-a-week routine. Ive never been a big fan of sex; its messy and over way too quick. I can literally count my partners on one hand, and only 2 of those have made me want more. 40%... no wonder i didn't like it.
Since his kids are here, we're on the living room floor, which is hurting both our backs. Plus we never know if the alcoholic in the corner will come home, or if the kids will come out for food, drink or bathroom. This is putting such a strain on our relationship, im honestly thinking of moving out. With privacy, i would have a little more control over my life, and might be able to... get something to bring the smile back to my face. Is that horrible or what?
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Meet the kids
Mike has 3 kids, as i've written about. They have taken over the bedroom, and all 3 sleep in the same bed. Normally not a problem for kids, except they're teenagers.
Brandy just turned 13, is innocent as a white rose (now) and loves stuffed animals. She has shoulder length hair, which she clips to the side with a little butterfly that matches the color of whatever outfit she is wearing. She is also a skateboarder, so she carries a board with her most places. We bonded pretty quick, and she is a sweetheart. She is "Daddy's little girl", and is deciding if she wants to live with us full time.
Nathan is 15- we have full custody of him. He broke up with his "girlfriend" (A myspace girl that lives 1800 miles away) and when his sisters leave, it will break his heart. He is a sweetheart that jokingly calls me mom, but when we are alone, he tells me he hasn't seen his dad so happy in a long time, and he gave me his blessings to marry Mike. He's the kind of kid that i'll be proud to introduce as family.
Michelle. Michelle is 18, old enough to remember all the stuff her mother has pulled, old enough to remember the pain and the fighting. She sees her dad is happy, but i still get a sense of... not dislike, but hesitation. I'm not pushing to get close to her, just baby steps. We have more in common than Nate or Brandy, but i know she will be the one her mother pegs with questions about me. We have already been told by Nate and Brandy that Lena saw me at the graduation and flipped out.
Brandy wakes up every morning about 8 or 9 and takes a shower, cleans up her side of the room and comes to cuddle with Mike and I. Yesterday i tried to give them some alone time, and got up to clean the kitchen. She came to help me! Mike made a joke about helping mommy in the kitchen and i caught Brandy smiling. I hope she's happy and decides to stay here, she's a good kid.
Nate does the boy chores. He takes the garbage out, carries the laundry basket down for us, and walks the dog. But this is where typical teenage stereotype kicks in. We have to nag nag nag, and he does the bare minimum even at that point. But i cut him slack cause i do love him, and i can't be tough on him.
Michelle on the other hand... will spend all day alone on her computer, so absorbed she will forget to eat. (See? So much in common!) She will be here alone all day, and not feed herself, the cat or the dog. She wont do dishes, wont bring her dishes out from the bedroom (If it wasn't for Brandy bringing them out, they'd stay in there, i'm sure), wont seperate her laundry, wont make the bed, nada. I could go on and on, but whats the point? She is going back in august, because she won a scholership to Yakima Valley Community College. I would like to bind with her, but i dont see it happening.
Brandy just turned 13, is innocent as a white rose (now) and loves stuffed animals. She has shoulder length hair, which she clips to the side with a little butterfly that matches the color of whatever outfit she is wearing. She is also a skateboarder, so she carries a board with her most places. We bonded pretty quick, and she is a sweetheart. She is "Daddy's little girl", and is deciding if she wants to live with us full time.
Nathan is 15- we have full custody of him. He broke up with his "girlfriend" (A myspace girl that lives 1800 miles away) and when his sisters leave, it will break his heart. He is a sweetheart that jokingly calls me mom, but when we are alone, he tells me he hasn't seen his dad so happy in a long time, and he gave me his blessings to marry Mike. He's the kind of kid that i'll be proud to introduce as family.
Michelle. Michelle is 18, old enough to remember all the stuff her mother has pulled, old enough to remember the pain and the fighting. She sees her dad is happy, but i still get a sense of... not dislike, but hesitation. I'm not pushing to get close to her, just baby steps. We have more in common than Nate or Brandy, but i know she will be the one her mother pegs with questions about me. We have already been told by Nate and Brandy that Lena saw me at the graduation and flipped out.
Brandy wakes up every morning about 8 or 9 and takes a shower, cleans up her side of the room and comes to cuddle with Mike and I. Yesterday i tried to give them some alone time, and got up to clean the kitchen. She came to help me! Mike made a joke about helping mommy in the kitchen and i caught Brandy smiling. I hope she's happy and decides to stay here, she's a good kid.
Nate does the boy chores. He takes the garbage out, carries the laundry basket down for us, and walks the dog. But this is where typical teenage stereotype kicks in. We have to nag nag nag, and he does the bare minimum even at that point. But i cut him slack cause i do love him, and i can't be tough on him.
Michelle on the other hand... will spend all day alone on her computer, so absorbed she will forget to eat. (See? So much in common!) She will be here alone all day, and not feed herself, the cat or the dog. She wont do dishes, wont bring her dishes out from the bedroom (If it wasn't for Brandy bringing them out, they'd stay in there, i'm sure), wont seperate her laundry, wont make the bed, nada. I could go on and on, but whats the point? She is going back in august, because she won a scholership to Yakima Valley Community College. I would like to bind with her, but i dont see it happening.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Orange?!
Okay, i learned in science class that the darker your urine, the poor toxins your body is filtering out. Lots of meds can turn it brown, dark yellow, red. A bad joke can turn it blue or green. (Which would be funny as hell, really.) This morning i woke up and it was ORANGE. Not a little orange, but like carrot orange. I googled the hormones i was on, and this is NOT a side effect. Google says orange urine is a sign of jaundice or hepititus. I've got all my hep vaccines, so im not worried there, and jaundice would make my skin and eyes yellow as well. So WTF is up with me?? Is this something to do with the hormones? It's not blood, its the wrong color. Im going to ER tomorrow if it doesn't stop.
Friday, July 3, 2009
A day for Do overs.
Please? I woke up and realized it was my dad's birthday. and i dont have a gift, and due to some serious drama in that house, im not visiting for awhile. Since i haven't bled regularly my whole life, and Mike and i decided to try for children, my dr. put me on hormones. And they are kicking my ass. I alternate between running a fever and being so cold i shake uncontrollably. the temp is in the 80's and im wearing a sweater for goodness sake. Mike took me to the river, and, being me, i jumped in. And lost my footing and went down. I stood up, laughing but Mike was pissed, so i climbed out and we started walking around so i could dry off. We walked, i listened as he bitched about Lena. This has become a regular thing. Then we came home. For once, the river didn't relax me. We took a nap, me bundled up in my camal hair blanket like im in South Dakota in the winter, him looking at me like ive lost my mind. When we woke up, i told him i wanted to walk to work; maybe the walk will do me good. Tripped over the dog and fell down 3 steps. Limped to work and was 10 minutes late. My stomach hurt so much i was doubled over, but i figured i could do this. I cannot go home sick on the first day we have (yet another) new manager. Half hour later, this manager left, and Michelle walked in. Michelle hates me and has made no secret of it. I'm all about customer service, she's about bottome line. My stomach lurched and i grabbed the garbage can; just in case. I was NOT up to this. I had a customer come in and pay in a 100 dollar bill, which cleaned out my till. I called Michelle for more money and she came up and told me i was not to accept 100 dollar bills if i couldn't cover change. (Well, DUH. But how do i know if i have change? Its not like i can just open my register.) I started to sway and she walked away. My friend Troy came over to ask what Michelle said and he told me i look like hell. The guy that keeps flirting with me, and giving me his number, came in, and told me i was pale but still beautiful. I reached for his cigarettes, and bending over hurt so bad, i dropped to my knees. He called to cosmetics for help, as i threw up in the garbage can. All i had in my stomach was water, but it just kept coming. This guy (Michael; of all names) left w/o cigarettes. LoL Lisa came over and i told her i had to go home. She said i look pale and yellow, which scared me. I called Michelle and asked her to called register 1 ASAP. I told Troy i was going home, and asked Lisa to please cover my till. I walked back to the office, told Michelle what was going on , and i left. Since i walked TO work, i had to walk home, too. Its only 7 tenths of a mile, but it took me almost 30 minutes. As i was crawling up the stairs, it dawned on me. Mike was at work and i didn't have my keys. I grabbed my cellphone and called my brother. (And wished my dad a happy birthday.) Shawn agreed to come get me, and got a pain pill from my mom. He showed up with his bitch who told me i look like hell. Oh, goody. They dropped me off at Mike's work, and he was shocked to see me. He was busy so i quickly explained what was going on, and got his keys. I started to feel better, so i figured i would make dinner. I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out an empty bottle of cranberry juice and a soaking wet phone. Oh, shit. I took the SIM card, battery and memory chip out and set them to dry. I went in, bought stuff for dinner and went back to the car. Got home, put my phone componants in front of the fan to dry and made taco's. After an hour or so, i put my phone back together and turned it on. It made the 'ding' sound as usual, but the screen was blank. Then i smelled something burning and heard a crackling sound coming from the phone. I popped the battery back out and put it back in front of the fan. We dont have a house phone, so i didnt know what to do. At 10PM my phone was STILL black, but i couldn't clearly hear who was texting me. Everybody has a distinct sound. I went to go get Mike, and as soon as i saw him, i burst into tears. Seriously, not a good day. He joked me into a good mood, and we came home. Now, im going to take some advil and fall asleep.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
My visit with matt (And the ensuing drama)
I haven't seen Matt since the night i picked him up from the airport. Even then we didn't really get to visit, since Mike was with me. Why was Mike with me? I have a tendency to buy friendship and right now we cannot afford this. So mike came with to make sure i didn't spend ANY money. Which i ended up doing anyway. =P Oops. So i went to Matt's, to relax about stressing all day over mike being at the casino or Sheila's. I visited more with his roommate, as Matt was playing a game with his other roommate. i've seen him play this game; its pretty cool. I cant recall the name of it right now, damn it. But i was there for a few hours, and i had fun. I called mike at 10:30 and he didn't answer. I assumed he was at the bar. I called again before i left at 11, still no answer. Hmm.... definetly at the bar. I drove by the Performance. No Car. I asked Kris if he had been there... Nope. I drove by the Casino; still no car. I called him again. If he didn't answer this time i was packing my shit. Lucky him, he answered. And sounded asleep. Oops. I got home minutes later, and he had been asleep for a while. I got into the long t-shirt that i sleep in, and crawled in bed. My leg hit something, so i reached down to get it. It was a matchbook. WITH A PHONE NUMBER. Seriously, how clich'e can you get? I got up, to use the bathroom, blocked my number and called the number. Some girl answered and i asked if she knew Mike. She hung up on me. 909 area code showed up as California, but that could be a cellphone so location means nothing. When he went to the bathroom, i grabbed his phone, and went thru his call log. (it was at that point i became the girlfriend i hate. The sneaky, suspicious type.) But sure enough, there was the number. Called Friday night at 11:43 PM and again half hour later. He called this girl while i was next to him at the bar?! And i was so messed up i cant remember. I was so hurt and so pissed, when he came back from the bathroom, i was sitting on the end of the bed, shaking. He came over to hug me and find out what was wrong, and i pushed him away. I damn near slapped him. I asked him why. why why why. Thats all i could say. He thought i had cheated on HIM, with Matt! (Insanely jealous, but with good reason. When Mike and i first got together, I told him Matt was closer to me than family and he has priority in my life. He has since learned why.) I threw the matchbook at him, and he was even more confused. I told him he was clich'e and to leave the matchbook in his bed after talking to a woman was just pathetic. He's looking at me like ive lost my mind. So i grabbed his phone and showed him the number. He asked why i was in his phone. I yelled it was MY phone, I bought it, I pay the bill, and he can bite me. A slap to the cheek shut me up. He accused me of writing the number because i was leaving him for Matt and needed an excuse. I showed him the timestamp on the phone calls, and he started laughing. Almost until he was crying, he was laughing so hard. He asked me to double check the date, and i told him- i already knew it was the night of Sheila's party. Then it hit me... He wasn't at the Casino...he was with HER!!! I jumped up and started throwing my clothes into boxes. He tried to stop me, but he was laughing, which infuriated me. He grabbed me in a bear-hug type thing and threw me on the bed. He told me not to move, and something in his voice told me i better listen. He was no longer laughing. He left the room and came back with Nathan's cellphone bill. He asked me what i remeber about the night of the party. i told him that around the timestamp, i was pretty well drunk. I asked why he left me, blackedout, to go see some girl that hurt him so bad. I thought the idea of the party was to show her she was trash. All the while, he's going thru Nathan's 12 page phone bill. (Damn kid ran up 600$ in ONE MONTH.) He told me he had left his phone with Nathan that night. Yeah, right. I told him i called the number and asked the girl if she knew Mike; she hung up on me. So he showed me where Nate had called this girl NUMEROUS times, when Mike didn't have the phone. I have never felt like more of an idiot. I'm going to bed; tomorrow will be a LOOONG day.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Ashamed... the night after
June 27th
Oh, my head. I just got back from work, so bear with me, as last night is a bit fuzzy. I got off work last night at 8:30, got all dolled up, got co-workers approval, and set off. Mike got home at 9:45 and we left. When we got the the bar, the head bartender met us in the parking lot, laughing. Sheila showed up at 8pm, with her own cake, balloons and streamers, and 3 other people. Kris told them they can sit only at the bar, and she would NOT serve them alcohol. Karaoke starts at 9, so showing up at 8 was pretty stupid. And apperantly she sat there for half an hour without drinking, and nobody wished her a happy birthday. So she left. THAT WAS THE DRAMA??? REALLY??? Awesome. I relaxed, and we went in to find a table. Dressed like some teenager from a prom ( I should figure out how to upload a pic for y'all.) I stood out. So i ran to my car to change, and was more comfortable. Comfortable enough to order a drink. The bartender made me a drink she calls "Frog Pee" and i really like it. You cant even taste the alcohol! When she handed me my 3rd, she warned me they DO have alcohol and can sneak up on me. So i switched. She started bringing me something called a "Jolly Rancher" which tastes exactly like the candy. Again, without thinking of the alcohol content, and watching Mike whip ass in pool, i was really really relaxed. My friend Julie showed up and we all had a round. We went up to get another and Kris gave us our drinks in these cute plastic cups shaped like fruit. We drank em and went up for another. She gave us another fruit shaped cup. This is where it gets fuzzy... Everything from this point on is taken from Mike and Julie. And a 70$ bar tab. (Yeah, i know.) I have only been drunk ONE time in my life, with Matt just around new years. In fact, i damn near had to twist his arm to get me drunk. I am the daughter of 2 alcoholics, and was always afraid to "let loose." I figured i could trust him enough to not let me do
anything stupid. And i was right. Unfortunatly, last night i was not so lucky. I vaugly remember Mike cutting himself off, so he c ould drive home. And Julie says i took my shoes off and was dancing in the corner. And apparently i kept drinking. I do NOT remember anything after we left; i don't even remember leaving. I do remember Mike shaking me, telling me he'll be right back, and i looked at my cellphone to see it was 1:30. When Mike crawled into bed, it woke me enough to remove my shoes and my slacks. I set my alarm on my phone, noticing it was 5:45AM. My brain didn't register this until i was at work. I got to work at 8AM, and was racing around all day. Where was this headache Mike wakes up with everyday? I didn't have one, but i was SOOO tired. About noon i stopped dead in my tracks as it hit me. I BLACKED OUT and HE LEFT ME. WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENED!!? I had told him i never wanted to get drunk, i never wanted to lose control like that. I trust Matt more than i trust Mike. Obviously Mike needs an alcoholic girlfriend. Then i thought...where did he go? My brain told me the Casino, but the devil in my head said he went to see Sheila. Either way, i took my lunchbreak, bought some bandages and razor blades, and... got the pain out. I just got off work, and Mike's not here, he's at his mom's, dropping off Nathan. He's gonna spend 2 weeks with his mom, then Mike will go get all THREE kids and bring them here. I made plans to visit Matt tonight, so i'm walking out the door. See ya!
Oh, my head. I just got back from work, so bear with me, as last night is a bit fuzzy. I got off work last night at 8:30, got all dolled up, got co-workers approval, and set off. Mike got home at 9:45 and we left. When we got the the bar, the head bartender met us in the parking lot, laughing. Sheila showed up at 8pm, with her own cake, balloons and streamers, and 3 other people. Kris told them they can sit only at the bar, and she would NOT serve them alcohol. Karaoke starts at 9, so showing up at 8 was pretty stupid. And apperantly she sat there for half an hour without drinking, and nobody wished her a happy birthday. So she left. THAT WAS THE DRAMA??? REALLY??? Awesome. I relaxed, and we went in to find a table. Dressed like some teenager from a prom ( I should figure out how to upload a pic for y'all.) I stood out. So i ran to my car to change, and was more comfortable. Comfortable enough to order a drink. The bartender made me a drink she calls "Frog Pee" and i really like it. You cant even taste the alcohol! When she handed me my 3rd, she warned me they DO have alcohol and can sneak up on me. So i switched. She started bringing me something called a "Jolly Rancher" which tastes exactly like the candy. Again, without thinking of the alcohol content, and watching Mike whip ass in pool, i was really really relaxed. My friend Julie showed up and we all had a round. We went up to get another and Kris gave us our drinks in these cute plastic cups shaped like fruit. We drank em and went up for another. She gave us another fruit shaped cup. This is where it gets fuzzy... Everything from this point on is taken from Mike and Julie. And a 70$ bar tab. (Yeah, i know.) I have only been drunk ONE time in my life, with Matt just around new years. In fact, i damn near had to twist his arm to get me drunk. I am the daughter of 2 alcoholics, and was always afraid to "let loose." I figured i could trust him enough to not let me do
anything stupid. And i was right. Unfortunatly, last night i was not so lucky. I vaugly remember Mike cutting himself off, so he c ould drive home. And Julie says i took my shoes off and was dancing in the corner. And apparently i kept drinking. I do NOT remember anything after we left; i don't even remember leaving. I do remember Mike shaking me, telling me he'll be right back, and i looked at my cellphone to see it was 1:30. When Mike crawled into bed, it woke me enough to remove my shoes and my slacks. I set my alarm on my phone, noticing it was 5:45AM. My brain didn't register this until i was at work. I got to work at 8AM, and was racing around all day. Where was this headache Mike wakes up with everyday? I didn't have one, but i was SOOO tired. About noon i stopped dead in my tracks as it hit me. I BLACKED OUT and HE LEFT ME. WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENED!!? I had told him i never wanted to get drunk, i never wanted to lose control like that. I trust Matt more than i trust Mike. Obviously Mike needs an alcoholic girlfriend. Then i thought...where did he go? My brain told me the Casino, but the devil in my head said he went to see Sheila. Either way, i took my lunchbreak, bought some bandages and razor blades, and... got the pain out. I just got off work, and Mike's not here, he's at his mom's, dropping off Nathan. He's gonna spend 2 weeks with his mom, then Mike will go get all THREE kids and bring them here. I made plans to visit Matt tonight, so i'm walking out the door. See ya!
tonights the party!
June 26th
Okay, ive been stressing about going to Mike's ex;s birthday party. He has given me 2 really good reasons as to why i have to be there.
1) He wants to stay friends with her brother because this guy owns his own business and could be a job source in the future. (This sounds like something i would use if i wanted to keep tabs on my ex, truthfully.)
2) She hurt him SO bad, he wants her to see what he has now, and that his heart is no longer broken. I'm 17 years youunger, have my own car, my own job, and i am self-sufficiant. I was pretty mad about this reason, but he finally bropke down and told me what she did, and then i couldn't WAIT to rub our relationship in her face. And her sister and her mom. What did she do? Read on.
Mike met her in a bar (surprise, i know.) He offered to buy her a drink, and she accepted. After a few, they went back to her house, where she was living with some guy. Mike was suspicious, cause his ex before (AKA baby's mama) had cheated on him. Repeatedly. More on that, later, i promise. But they did there thing, and Mike left. He was living with his mom at that point. Now i must backtrack a bit... In 2004 Mike had a fight with Lena, his baby's mama. They were together for 19 years, have 3 children together and for 12 of those 19 years they were addicted to crack and cocaine. As a result, they lost their children to CPS and had to go thru rehab. Lena is 100% Yakima Indian, and therefore not subject to US laws. (Im not sure how that works, but i think its BS) Since Mike is only 25% native, he did have to go. And he went. And Lena stayed home and had a different guy every night of the week. When Mike got out, and CPS had given the children back, she would have the guys come over, WITH mike there, under the guise of buying/selling drugs. She would give Mike the money, and he would go buy. When he came back, she would be gone. Off making the money she had just handed Mike. Mike got sick of this, and told her he was leaving. She got pissed and attacked him with a knife. (AGAIN!) This time he put his hand up to defend himself and she chopped his hand in half. His pinkie on his left hand is useless, the nerves are dead and the finger will not straighten out. But when he called 911, tribal showed up and she pointed at Mike. She didn't have a scratch on her, and his severed hand is literally hanging by a thread. So they arrested HIM. (Yeah, WTF.) They took him to the hospital and fixed him up, then he spent the next 4 months in jail. While in jail, his mom convinced Lena to let the kids visit her in Auburn for the summer. And Lena allowed it. The day they got over here, Mike's mom filed for custody. The judge granted temp custody to her, pending an investigation. Mike, meanwhile, is in Yakima county jail, and one of his fellow inmates is aguy named Sean. Sean is overflow from Auburn, in for repeated DUI. His girlfriend had cheated on him, he got drunk and drove his car into a lamppost, which he then tried to beat the shit out of. Yes, he was arrested trying to beat up a lampost. So they were talking, and Mike was telling Sean about going to live with his mom in auburn. They became friends, as bizarre as a jail friendship can be. Mike got out, came to Auburn, and spent some time with his children. After a few weeks of 3 children and a full grown man sleeping in 1 small bedroom, the girls wanted to go home. It just about killed mike, but he sent them back to their mom in Yakima. He and Nathan stayed with his mom in auburn. Okay, up to speed?
Now fast forward back to Sheila, thee recent ex. She's living with this guy, but "Nothing is happening." Uh huh, sure. They went out everynight, to the Performance Bar and Grill. (Sound familiar?) One day, Sheila brought her mom and sister out with her. Sean, meanwhile, had gotton out of jail and started on his house arrest. His on again/off again girlfriend was living with him, doing drugs and drinking. They fought nightly, and eventually broke up. And to celebrate his freedom, Sean went to the Performance. (What is it with this place??) And he met Mike, there with Sheila, her sister Debbie and their mom. At closing, Sean invited everybody back to his place, and the sisters accepted. Debbie moved in the next day. Mike, still living with his mom, alternated his time between looking for a job, singing at the Performance, and visiting Sheila. 6 months and an 18 THOUSAND dollar inheritance later, and many many suspicious encounters with Sheila and her "roommate" it was Sheila's birthday. (Exactly one year ago, today.) They started off at Charlies in Kent, where they were regulars. So everybody bought Sheila a drink. And, she gave every guy a lapdance. When she got to Mike's friend Chris, she dropped her pants and was all over him. And was asked to leave. They went to the Performance, where her performance continued. A few people bought her drinks, and got the lapdance. At some point, she took her shirt off and Mike tried to get to to calm down. The result? Sheila said her boyfriend was a better f*** then Mike, and she had been with him for 3 years. You may have guessed this was the roommate. She then dumped a drink over his head. The head bartender excorted her to the door, and she was 86'ed. (Code for permenantly kicked out.) Mike apologized and set off walking to get his truck, by Game Farm Park, since Sheila had driven off in the car Mike bought her. By the time he got back to his mom's house, he had enough. He packed her letters and things and dropped them off at her mother's, where he ran into Sean and Debbie. Sean was dropping her and her stuff off, and invited Mike to move in. Mike accepted and he and Nathan, his 14 year old son, moved in that hour. There are many things that Sheila did to Mike, Debbie did to Sean, and their mom tried to do with them BOTH. (ew) So the guys were better off w/o these gals.
Fast forward to today. NOW you can see why i'm excited to go show her what she lost. She thinks she broke his heart, and i'm planning on doing some very UN-MISSY type things... I'll let you all know how it goes.
Okay, ive been stressing about going to Mike's ex;s birthday party. He has given me 2 really good reasons as to why i have to be there.
1) He wants to stay friends with her brother because this guy owns his own business and could be a job source in the future. (This sounds like something i would use if i wanted to keep tabs on my ex, truthfully.)
2) She hurt him SO bad, he wants her to see what he has now, and that his heart is no longer broken. I'm 17 years youunger, have my own car, my own job, and i am self-sufficiant. I was pretty mad about this reason, but he finally bropke down and told me what she did, and then i couldn't WAIT to rub our relationship in her face. And her sister and her mom. What did she do? Read on.
Mike met her in a bar (surprise, i know.) He offered to buy her a drink, and she accepted. After a few, they went back to her house, where she was living with some guy. Mike was suspicious, cause his ex before (AKA baby's mama) had cheated on him. Repeatedly. More on that, later, i promise. But they did there thing, and Mike left. He was living with his mom at that point. Now i must backtrack a bit... In 2004 Mike had a fight with Lena, his baby's mama. They were together for 19 years, have 3 children together and for 12 of those 19 years they were addicted to crack and cocaine. As a result, they lost their children to CPS and had to go thru rehab. Lena is 100% Yakima Indian, and therefore not subject to US laws. (Im not sure how that works, but i think its BS) Since Mike is only 25% native, he did have to go. And he went. And Lena stayed home and had a different guy every night of the week. When Mike got out, and CPS had given the children back, she would have the guys come over, WITH mike there, under the guise of buying/selling drugs. She would give Mike the money, and he would go buy. When he came back, she would be gone. Off making the money she had just handed Mike. Mike got sick of this, and told her he was leaving. She got pissed and attacked him with a knife. (AGAIN!) This time he put his hand up to defend himself and she chopped his hand in half. His pinkie on his left hand is useless, the nerves are dead and the finger will not straighten out. But when he called 911, tribal showed up and she pointed at Mike. She didn't have a scratch on her, and his severed hand is literally hanging by a thread. So they arrested HIM. (Yeah, WTF.) They took him to the hospital and fixed him up, then he spent the next 4 months in jail. While in jail, his mom convinced Lena to let the kids visit her in Auburn for the summer. And Lena allowed it. The day they got over here, Mike's mom filed for custody. The judge granted temp custody to her, pending an investigation. Mike, meanwhile, is in Yakima county jail, and one of his fellow inmates is aguy named Sean. Sean is overflow from Auburn, in for repeated DUI. His girlfriend had cheated on him, he got drunk and drove his car into a lamppost, which he then tried to beat the shit out of. Yes, he was arrested trying to beat up a lampost. So they were talking, and Mike was telling Sean about going to live with his mom in auburn. They became friends, as bizarre as a jail friendship can be. Mike got out, came to Auburn, and spent some time with his children. After a few weeks of 3 children and a full grown man sleeping in 1 small bedroom, the girls wanted to go home. It just about killed mike, but he sent them back to their mom in Yakima. He and Nathan stayed with his mom in auburn. Okay, up to speed?
Now fast forward back to Sheila, thee recent ex. She's living with this guy, but "Nothing is happening." Uh huh, sure. They went out everynight, to the Performance Bar and Grill. (Sound familiar?) One day, Sheila brought her mom and sister out with her. Sean, meanwhile, had gotton out of jail and started on his house arrest. His on again/off again girlfriend was living with him, doing drugs and drinking. They fought nightly, and eventually broke up. And to celebrate his freedom, Sean went to the Performance. (What is it with this place??) And he met Mike, there with Sheila, her sister Debbie and their mom. At closing, Sean invited everybody back to his place, and the sisters accepted. Debbie moved in the next day. Mike, still living with his mom, alternated his time between looking for a job, singing at the Performance, and visiting Sheila. 6 months and an 18 THOUSAND dollar inheritance later, and many many suspicious encounters with Sheila and her "roommate" it was Sheila's birthday. (Exactly one year ago, today.) They started off at Charlies in Kent, where they were regulars. So everybody bought Sheila a drink. And, she gave every guy a lapdance. When she got to Mike's friend Chris, she dropped her pants and was all over him. And was asked to leave. They went to the Performance, where her performance continued. A few people bought her drinks, and got the lapdance. At some point, she took her shirt off and Mike tried to get to to calm down. The result? Sheila said her boyfriend was a better f*** then Mike, and she had been with him for 3 years. You may have guessed this was the roommate. She then dumped a drink over his head. The head bartender excorted her to the door, and she was 86'ed. (Code for permenantly kicked out.) Mike apologized and set off walking to get his truck, by Game Farm Park, since Sheila had driven off in the car Mike bought her. By the time he got back to his mom's house, he had enough. He packed her letters and things and dropped them off at her mother's, where he ran into Sean and Debbie. Sean was dropping her and her stuff off, and invited Mike to move in. Mike accepted and he and Nathan, his 14 year old son, moved in that hour. There are many things that Sheila did to Mike, Debbie did to Sean, and their mom tried to do with them BOTH. (ew) So the guys were better off w/o these gals.
Fast forward to today. NOW you can see why i'm excited to go show her what she lost. She thinks she broke his heart, and i'm planning on doing some very UN-MISSY type things... I'll let you all know how it goes.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Back online!!
My poor computer has been in the shop for a whole week!! Fortunatly, i reverted to the old standby, pen and paper. So ive been keeping notes, and i'll try to weed out the important stuff. Check the dates, cuz they hopefully will be in order. LoL Lets play catch-up!
Friday, June 19, 2009
My day off
Its 3AM. I cant sleep. Again. Today was my day off, and i was supposed to hang out with Matt this morning. I set my alarm to wake up at 7AM cuz i had an 8AM Dr. appt. And i woke up at 1:50. I was pissed. Nate opened the door so the dog jumped on the bed, and that was it; i was up. Matt called about 20 mins later, and i think i pissed him off cuz i was half asleep. He said he had to leave to get his kids and was going camping for the weekend. Dammit, i missed hanging out with him again. I miss him.
Anyway, i went up to my moms to do laundry, and seconds after i put my uniform in the washing machine, my boss called. He needed someone to cover photo for a few hours, so i went in. I got off at 10:15 and since i have to be at work at 8, i had to go get my uniform. I just got lucky Ben let me wear jeans and my hoodie. I grabbed my clothes, visited for a bit and headed home. I got home to find nate and his friend sitting on out bed watching a movie. So i took the
dog for a walk, and Sean came home. Crawled out of a cab, already drunk off his ass (Im SOOO happy unemployment is paying him to be an alcoholic) hugged me and thanked me for taking care of his dog while he stayed with friends. (If i made 450 dollars a week, i'd have mucho friends too!!!) He took the dog in and i sat on the steps.
Mike should be home any minute... 15 minutes later he called to tell me he was at the Performance for ONE song and would be home. I hung up on him. I went upstairs and told Nate and friend that they had to leave after this movie, so i could sleep. They gave me attitude, which Nate never has... Im not liking his friend.
An hour later Mike texts me "Im n lov w the best girl n da world". I should be falling in love but i was PISSED. He lied. ONE song doesn't take an hour. And the way he was texting... he was drunk. AND we had switched cars for the day because i assumed he wouldn't drive MY car drunk, out of respect. I have to wake up at 7:30 and its 1AM at this point. i cant get these boys to quit asking for pot or alcohol, i cant sleep in mike's car (I need a tetinus just to drive the thing) I want MY car. So i go to trade. I'll sleep in my car; its comfortable. I told Nate i was going to get my car and he and his buddy jumped up to go. I told them i may be the bar for awhile ( I was planning to stay at Walgreens and sleep) but they came anyway. We circled the Performance parking lot, looking for my car. Which was NOT there. I found my car parked sideways and backed into the bushes at the Casino. My beautiful car...
Anyway, i got out of the car to go get my keys and Patrick, Nates friend got out and started in with me! Idiot pulled his pants down a bit, and walked with a swagger, trying to look 21. You're 15, deal with it. i told him to go sit in the car and i walked in. And was carded! LoL I walked to the bar, where i knew Mike was, and put his keys on the bar and grabbed my keys. I told him i'll see you at home and walked out. I got all the way to the car and Mike caught up to me. And when he saw Nate and Patrick he flipped. And being mad and drunk... he went off on Nate. And Nate, trying to show off in front of his friend, went off on Mike. I touched Mikes shoulder to get him to calm down and he turned to me and yelled this is between him and his boy, stay out of it! This is true, but i needed him to calm down. So i started the car. He threw his cellphone at me and slammed the door, then went back inside. I followed, like a freakin puppy. I pulled him into a corner between the resturant and the bar, and asked him, BEGGED HIM to come home.
He started yelling that he's gonna send Nate to live with his mom, and he and i will get married. We'll make it together, and if that bitch (Lena; Nate's mom) thinks she can steal his kids, he'll
hire a hitman to kick some ass. Yelling this at the top of his lungs... I start to cry. In public. Thats how bad this is. Mike turns around and storms out and i went in the bathroom to calm down. I Assumed he was taking the boys home so i took my time. About 5 minutes later, i went outside and my CAR ALARM WAS BLARING. Security was around my car, trying to figure out why i had 2 teenagers in my backseat and the alarm was going off. I forgot my keyless door entry
tag was attached to Mike's keyring cuz i had locked my keys in my car a few days ago. I thanked the security guard, did not even look at Mike and we left. I still had Nate and Patrick in my car.
We got home and i crawled in bed; clothes on. Mike told the boys to turn up the radio so they dont hear anything... I caught there eyes and shook my head. Mike came in and laid down, tried to cuddle up and i rolled my back to him. He fell asleep and i started writing. I have to be at work in 3 hours... i'll pull an all nighter.
Anyway, i went up to my moms to do laundry, and seconds after i put my uniform in the washing machine, my boss called. He needed someone to cover photo for a few hours, so i went in. I got off at 10:15 and since i have to be at work at 8, i had to go get my uniform. I just got lucky Ben let me wear jeans and my hoodie. I grabbed my clothes, visited for a bit and headed home. I got home to find nate and his friend sitting on out bed watching a movie. So i took the
dog for a walk, and Sean came home. Crawled out of a cab, already drunk off his ass (Im SOOO happy unemployment is paying him to be an alcoholic) hugged me and thanked me for taking care of his dog while he stayed with friends. (If i made 450 dollars a week, i'd have mucho friends too!!!) He took the dog in and i sat on the steps.
Mike should be home any minute... 15 minutes later he called to tell me he was at the Performance for ONE song and would be home. I hung up on him. I went upstairs and told Nate and friend that they had to leave after this movie, so i could sleep. They gave me attitude, which Nate never has... Im not liking his friend.
An hour later Mike texts me "Im n lov w the best girl n da world". I should be falling in love but i was PISSED. He lied. ONE song doesn't take an hour. And the way he was texting... he was drunk. AND we had switched cars for the day because i assumed he wouldn't drive MY car drunk, out of respect. I have to wake up at 7:30 and its 1AM at this point. i cant get these boys to quit asking for pot or alcohol, i cant sleep in mike's car (I need a tetinus just to drive the thing) I want MY car. So i go to trade. I'll sleep in my car; its comfortable. I told Nate i was going to get my car and he and his buddy jumped up to go. I told them i may be the bar for awhile ( I was planning to stay at Walgreens and sleep) but they came anyway. We circled the Performance parking lot, looking for my car. Which was NOT there. I found my car parked sideways and backed into the bushes at the Casino. My beautiful car...
Anyway, i got out of the car to go get my keys and Patrick, Nates friend got out and started in with me! Idiot pulled his pants down a bit, and walked with a swagger, trying to look 21. You're 15, deal with it. i told him to go sit in the car and i walked in. And was carded! LoL I walked to the bar, where i knew Mike was, and put his keys on the bar and grabbed my keys. I told him i'll see you at home and walked out. I got all the way to the car and Mike caught up to me. And when he saw Nate and Patrick he flipped. And being mad and drunk... he went off on Nate. And Nate, trying to show off in front of his friend, went off on Mike. I touched Mikes shoulder to get him to calm down and he turned to me and yelled this is between him and his boy, stay out of it! This is true, but i needed him to calm down. So i started the car. He threw his cellphone at me and slammed the door, then went back inside. I followed, like a freakin puppy. I pulled him into a corner between the resturant and the bar, and asked him, BEGGED HIM to come home.
He started yelling that he's gonna send Nate to live with his mom, and he and i will get married. We'll make it together, and if that bitch (Lena; Nate's mom) thinks she can steal his kids, he'll
hire a hitman to kick some ass. Yelling this at the top of his lungs... I start to cry. In public. Thats how bad this is. Mike turns around and storms out and i went in the bathroom to calm down. I Assumed he was taking the boys home so i took my time. About 5 minutes later, i went outside and my CAR ALARM WAS BLARING. Security was around my car, trying to figure out why i had 2 teenagers in my backseat and the alarm was going off. I forgot my keyless door entry
tag was attached to Mike's keyring cuz i had locked my keys in my car a few days ago. I thanked the security guard, did not even look at Mike and we left. I still had Nate and Patrick in my car.
We got home and i crawled in bed; clothes on. Mike told the boys to turn up the radio so they dont hear anything... I caught there eyes and shook my head. Mike came in and laid down, tried to cuddle up and i rolled my back to him. He fell asleep and i started writing. I have to be at work in 3 hours... i'll pull an all nighter.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Tonight started out simple enough. My computer has been geeking, so i called my friend John to help. He's a computer genius and a half, and if anybody can fis it, he can. He plugged it in, it did its thing, he did his. He turned it off, handed it back and said "Yup, you're fucked." Not exactly the best news from a computer tech. But my computer is still under warranty, so im okay. I hugged John and we left. We being Mike and I, who i asked to come along in case John wanted payment that i wasn't prepared for.
On the way home, John texted me "When are we gonna go sing karaoke?" I posed this question to mike, and he said we'll hit Charlies at 8 and Performance at 9, as usual. Well, John got into a huge amount of trouble and had to sell his car, so i offered to pick him up. We got all dressed up, as we do, and we grabbed John about 8:45. Got to the bar at 9ish. I opened our tab, we got our stuff and sat down. Mike starts going thru his envelope of songs to sing, and i was teasing john to put in a song. The karaoke host came over and asked mike what he was gonna sing, said hi to me and locked eyes with john. She FROZE; like something out of a movie. Now... John has a rep for being a freak in bed, he's try-sexual. Meaning he'll try anything. In fact, i stopped talking to John for awhile because he asked me to take pics at a party and i opted to hang out with Matt.
Anyway, Sonya composed herself, and started karaoke. After a few rounds, john put in a song.
"Creep" by Radiohead. A line in this song goes "I'm special... so very special" And Sonya whispered in the microphone "Ed!" (Special Ed...get it?) the whole place started laughing and john loosened up. A few mins later John went to the bathroom and Sonya came up and asked
where he's been! Then she took John OFF my tab and started him on hers! and told us not to tell him. But his next coke, the waitress told him. Then John went up and started HER on a new tab. And they were inseperable for the night. They danced quite a few times, even sang love songs to each other. i was very impressed.
It would have been a perfect night had matt showd up, but that would have been too much for me to believe. But i wanted him to know i missed him dearly, so i texted twitter, attached to facebook. Mike and i sang and danced, all was okay. About 11:30 my friend Julie showed up. We work together, so it was a trip to see each other out of uniform. We all sat together, and were laughing, drinking and talking. I had my 2 drinks; the bartender made me a drink "Frog Pee" A drink she invented. It was good, but after 2, i was done for the night. I was drinking water like... a fish! Ha!
Okay... about midnight the bar filled up. The "regulars" had been at a birthday party, and had just gotten back. Kimberly came over to me to ask if i was coming to the party next friday. (Sheila is Mike's ex-girlfriend and her party is Friday the 26th) I said i dont want to, but Mike is going to make me. Kimberly jumped in waited 10 mins, then left. I was on the verge of panic, i knew i was in deep shit for saying anything. I drove home, slowly, looking. Not at home. I double
back and drove a different way; no mike. Following the third way home it dawned on me. The Casino. Sure enough, he was in the back, top of his lungs cussing about women trying to control him. "My ex-bitch wanted my money, took my kids and my car and left a hole in my heart
only for Melissa" (This would have sounded sweet under NORMAL circumstances.) I walked in and slid my hands around his waist and waiting for his breathing to calm down.
He asked me if he could play with his last 20$. His money is none of my business, but i reminded him he wanted to send Michelle money. He started to cry and say those lovely things that alcohol brings out in him, and we left. We got home, and he kept saying he loves me but i
couldn't say it back. He told me i was just like his ex (Ouch.) and got out and slammed the door. I looked up at the roof of my car and asked God to give me ONE reason not to drive to the river. And jump in. About 3 seconds later, my phone vibrated... It was Matt. My reason.
On the way home, John texted me "When are we gonna go sing karaoke?" I posed this question to mike, and he said we'll hit Charlies at 8 and Performance at 9, as usual. Well, John got into a huge amount of trouble and had to sell his car, so i offered to pick him up. We got all dressed up, as we do, and we grabbed John about 8:45. Got to the bar at 9ish. I opened our tab, we got our stuff and sat down. Mike starts going thru his envelope of songs to sing, and i was teasing john to put in a song. The karaoke host came over and asked mike what he was gonna sing, said hi to me and locked eyes with john. She FROZE; like something out of a movie. Now... John has a rep for being a freak in bed, he's try-sexual. Meaning he'll try anything. In fact, i stopped talking to John for awhile because he asked me to take pics at a party and i opted to hang out with Matt.
Anyway, Sonya composed herself, and started karaoke. After a few rounds, john put in a song.
"Creep" by Radiohead. A line in this song goes "I'm special... so very special" And Sonya whispered in the microphone "Ed!" (Special Ed...get it?) the whole place started laughing and john loosened up. A few mins later John went to the bathroom and Sonya came up and asked
where he's been! Then she took John OFF my tab and started him on hers! and told us not to tell him. But his next coke, the waitress told him. Then John went up and started HER on a new tab. And they were inseperable for the night. They danced quite a few times, even sang love songs to each other. i was very impressed.
It would have been a perfect night had matt showd up, but that would have been too much for me to believe. But i wanted him to know i missed him dearly, so i texted twitter, attached to facebook. Mike and i sang and danced, all was okay. About 11:30 my friend Julie showed up. We work together, so it was a trip to see each other out of uniform. We all sat together, and were laughing, drinking and talking. I had my 2 drinks; the bartender made me a drink "Frog Pee" A drink she invented. It was good, but after 2, i was done for the night. I was drinking water like... a fish! Ha!
Okay... about midnight the bar filled up. The "regulars" had been at a birthday party, and had just gotten back. Kimberly came over to me to ask if i was coming to the party next friday. (Sheila is Mike's ex-girlfriend and her party is Friday the 26th) I said i dont want to, but Mike is going to make me. Kimberly jumped in waited 10 mins, then left. I was on the verge of panic, i knew i was in deep shit for saying anything. I drove home, slowly, looking. Not at home. I double
back and drove a different way; no mike. Following the third way home it dawned on me. The Casino. Sure enough, he was in the back, top of his lungs cussing about women trying to control him. "My ex-bitch wanted my money, took my kids and my car and left a hole in my heart
only for Melissa" (This would have sounded sweet under NORMAL circumstances.) I walked in and slid my hands around his waist and waiting for his breathing to calm down.
He asked me if he could play with his last 20$. His money is none of my business, but i reminded him he wanted to send Michelle money. He started to cry and say those lovely things that alcohol brings out in him, and we left. We got home, and he kept saying he loves me but i
couldn't say it back. He told me i was just like his ex (Ouch.) and got out and slammed the door. I looked up at the roof of my car and asked God to give me ONE reason not to drive to the river. And jump in. About 3 seconds later, my phone vibrated... It was Matt. My reason.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
My rules
I never wanted to hurt anybody or make anybody mad. I was taught to always be nice, and when i grew up the "do unto others" thing was literally beaten into me. I treat others as if they were honest and fair, and thats how want them to treat me... I started this blog as an outlet because i had no real friends. Being socialphobic sucks. This was also over a year or so ago. Ive met a few friends that understand me, and thats why i love them. But i think ive hurt one of these friends, and all day ive had a feeling i even lost this friend.
My rules are that when i post, this is how i feel at that moment, not in general. I dont edit, i dont censour, i dont go back and read what i've written. Which is why i dont tell friends or family about the blog. Strangers, yes. People from the internet, yes. At one point i really thought my friend had played a trick on me and had read it, but it turns out he was just starting his own and happened to stumble upon blogger.com by accident. For awhile, privacy wise i didnt want to use names, but it got to confusing, so i used names. Which means when my friend stumbled onto this site, he knew what i was thinking that day. Overall, he should know that from the bottom of my heart i have loved him since as long as ive known him. Yes, it started as a crush; yes, he knows this. Yes, he was gentle and let me know he was (is) married and not looking for a relationship. That was okay, because i continued to do things for him, with him, to him, and he gave me what i lacked from others: Appriciation. What i do for him i would do for anybody, and yet he is the only one that truly made me feel like he was grateful. And to get that feeling, i continued to do, which continued his gratitude, and it was a circle.
Eventually i got over my crush, as he became closer to me than family. He had rough times and i was the one he called. At that moment i knew our friendship was cemented. And when he moved to another city...i knew our friendship was tested. And a few nights ago as i gave him the link to this blog... i knew our friendship would be over. He would see the negative side of me, the side i tried to hide. He would know the pain, the tears, the hurt, and one of two things would happen. He wouldn't care, because i'm just another disposable person, or he would be hurt and i'd never hear from him.
With my phone on the blink i was unsure of which, and i texted him today. I then got a voicemail that sounded like the first choice had happened. I tried to find some note of friendly, some sort of happiness in this man's voice, but there was none. And as he said good-bye, i can only hope it was not for the last time. I really do love you.
My rules are that when i post, this is how i feel at that moment, not in general. I dont edit, i dont censour, i dont go back and read what i've written. Which is why i dont tell friends or family about the blog. Strangers, yes. People from the internet, yes. At one point i really thought my friend had played a trick on me and had read it, but it turns out he was just starting his own and happened to stumble upon blogger.com by accident. For awhile, privacy wise i didnt want to use names, but it got to confusing, so i used names. Which means when my friend stumbled onto this site, he knew what i was thinking that day. Overall, he should know that from the bottom of my heart i have loved him since as long as ive known him. Yes, it started as a crush; yes, he knows this. Yes, he was gentle and let me know he was (is) married and not looking for a relationship. That was okay, because i continued to do things for him, with him, to him, and he gave me what i lacked from others: Appriciation. What i do for him i would do for anybody, and yet he is the only one that truly made me feel like he was grateful. And to get that feeling, i continued to do, which continued his gratitude, and it was a circle.
Eventually i got over my crush, as he became closer to me than family. He had rough times and i was the one he called. At that moment i knew our friendship was cemented. And when he moved to another city...i knew our friendship was tested. And a few nights ago as i gave him the link to this blog... i knew our friendship would be over. He would see the negative side of me, the side i tried to hide. He would know the pain, the tears, the hurt, and one of two things would happen. He wouldn't care, because i'm just another disposable person, or he would be hurt and i'd never hear from him.
With my phone on the blink i was unsure of which, and i texted him today. I then got a voicemail that sounded like the first choice had happened. I tried to find some note of friendly, some sort of happiness in this man's voice, but there was none. And as he said good-bye, i can only hope it was not for the last time. I really do love you.
It happened.
But it really WAS an accident!! Bad day at work (Clsong w/ Michelle, big surprise) Mike shows up at 8pm dressed for the bar. He told me to come get home when i got off. At 11. Store closes, fly thru cleaning. 11pm. i throw a t-shirt on over my uniform and get into the bar. I order a drink and Kris gives it to me. She runs a tab, with Mike having permission. Except this night she tells me that Mike has been CUT OFF. Whoa. i take my drink (White russian; thank you John)and walk over to a table cuz my cellphone is ringing. I have a voicemail... "Hurry honey; im surrounded mu mexicans and they're giving me an accent. i speaka spanish now... S-O-C-K (eso si que?) you to will speaka spanish when i flash your titties across the bar" Click. Well, fuck the t-shirt, on goes the hoodie. Put my cellphone away, grab my drink and take one step to where Mike is standing. He came to meet me. And, as promised, he tried to flash me to the bar. Grabbing my breasts and yelling "i told you to wear sexy!" Which made a few people turn around, laughing,then mike turned around to grab again and knocked the drink from my hands. Bringing the owner, the bartender and the lead waitress over to investigate.When they saw mikey and i they just grabbed little brooms, while mike started to cry and explain it was ll his fault because his father was an alcoholic and he didn't know better. I paid 8 dollars to close my tab, and came home.
Was on the balcony relaxing when Mike came home. Swearing and cussing "Where is she? That bitch not here? She wanna leave? Fine, fuckin let her leave!" Then he punched the wall. Which scared me and i gasped. Which made him look up, see my shadow and kcik the bike out off the way. Then he grabbed Nathan's PSP and threw it at me, or the wall over my head, which is what it hit. I backed out on to the balcony scared shitless. He knows my past. He PROMISED he would never hurt me. He cried for 45 minutes, as it dawned on me... I HAVE come full circle.
With Aziz, i tried to anticpiate his moods, so i could hide a blanket in the kitchen. With Emad, i tried to sense what kind of day he had so i knew what kind of night i would have. I never let myself lose control. Never let me guard down for ANYTHING.
Last christmastime i put enough trust in one friend to go pasy my limits and get drunk. I felt safe that this friend wouldnt let me do something stupid enough, like drive. I made somebody else responsibile for me. And this last month, as mike spirals further and further down... i realized tonight i canot trust him enough to let my guard down. To relax and say "He wont let anything happen" Tomorrow comes a BIG BIG talk. And it wont be pretty. =(
Was on the balcony relaxing when Mike came home. Swearing and cussing "Where is she? That bitch not here? She wanna leave? Fine, fuckin let her leave!" Then he punched the wall. Which scared me and i gasped. Which made him look up, see my shadow and kcik the bike out off the way. Then he grabbed Nathan's PSP and threw it at me, or the wall over my head, which is what it hit. I backed out on to the balcony scared shitless. He knows my past. He PROMISED he would never hurt me. He cried for 45 minutes, as it dawned on me... I HAVE come full circle.
With Aziz, i tried to anticpiate his moods, so i could hide a blanket in the kitchen. With Emad, i tried to sense what kind of day he had so i knew what kind of night i would have. I never let myself lose control. Never let me guard down for ANYTHING.
Last christmastime i put enough trust in one friend to go pasy my limits and get drunk. I felt safe that this friend wouldnt let me do something stupid enough, like drive. I made somebody else responsibile for me. And this last month, as mike spirals further and further down... i realized tonight i canot trust him enough to let my guard down. To relax and say "He wont let anything happen" Tomorrow comes a BIG BIG talk. And it wont be pretty. =(
Saturday, June 13, 2009
My job
I love my job. I even like my co-workers. My boss on the otherhand... No wait, not all of them, just one. We had the coolest asst manager, but Walgreens polocy is to switch managers every 6 months so the employees dont get attached. Because friends with managers means access to secrets, and can lead to conspiracy. (Seriously!) In our employee handbook, we are FORBIDDEN to drive an employee home... it's considered theft. K, so we have a(NOTHER) new asst manager... Her middle name is bottom line. Maybe not, but that'd be pretty freakin cool. Anyway... tonight my friend needed a ride home from the airport so i told her i need to leave by 10:30. She said i can go when everything is done. So i went above her head... told my EXA (I have no idea what that stands for, its just another manager) and he tells me my hours are over and i need to leave at 10. Even better! (Go Ben!) Few minutes later, Michelle comes and tells me that i have to have everything done by 10 so i can leave. Yeah? Good luck with that. All my photos are done... 9pm rolls around, time to close photo. Usually, i pull the garbage, stock the cooler and make the announcements. Today? I walked around, talked to Julie, took my time with the garbage... Shame on me, i know. But why? Cuz Michelle had to make the store look spic and span OFF THE CLOCK. Hello Karma.
Matt says i'm passive/aggressive... not a bad thing, considering i could be a total bitch to everybody. I like keeping it inside and letting whatever happens... happen.
Matt says i'm passive/aggressive... not a bad thing, considering i could be a total bitch to everybody. I like keeping it inside and letting whatever happens... happen.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
family
K- went to Mikes daughters high school graduation... So much fun! We got to Yakima around noon and stopped by Lena's house so nathan can say hi to his mom. Lena is Mike's ex-girlfriend, the one that sliced his hand open, so i was WORRIED. But she has a new man, so she was happy. WTF is with native women?? Are they ALL Nuckin Futs? (My brother is dating a Tulalip bitch that is PSYCHO!!!) Okay, nate visited for a bit, then they dropped me off at my aunts so mike could spend time with his daughters. I visited with my aunt and uncle for a few hours, turns out they know Mikes family. His family is HUGE and Hoptowit is a very popular last name. In fact, Mikes cousin is general manager of the casino that my cousin is the head of security at. Cool, huh?
5PM snuck up on us pretty quick and mike came back to get me. With Michelle (18) and Brandy (12) Both daughters are beautiful. Long black hair, dark eyes, never stop smiling. Just Awesome. Nate was in his prime, playing big brother and little brother. Went to the graduation, where Mike sat next to me and his mom sat behind me. Every 15 minutes she would touch my shoulder and make sure i was okay. And mike kept his hand in mine att all times except when we were filming. LoL I didnt have even one panic attack!!! I was SOOOO happy. Afterward, we hugged and took pictures, Michelle said she will come visit us this summer.
Brandy cant cause last summer she was arrested (!) for shoplifting and Lena says mike should have watched her better. But I told her we would work on it. Poor brandy thought i meant i would try to get her home with us immediatly, so she went into pack. Mike told her when we come back in July, maybe then, but she and nathan MUST finish school first. She jumped back out of the car and ran inside. Nate hugged his mom and we started off. We hadn't made it off tribal land when Mike pulled over. I asked what was wrong, and he told me i had to drive. When we were switching places, Mike opened the back door, and pulled Nate out. Poor nate was just bawling, which started Mike, which started me. So the next 15 minutes, we're on the side of the road, just crying. And, like a bitch, Lena and her boyfriend drove by... without Brandy. So we doubled back and the poor girl was making microwave mac-&-cheese. she said her mom borrowed the 20$ Mike had given her... and left. Mike hit the roof. We grabbed Brandy's bag and took her with us. I thought we were bringing her home, but mike said we can't take her off tribal land; its kidnapping. So we dropped her off at Mikes aunts-- she hates Lena and loves the kids so she promised mike she wouldn't tell. Stage 1 of child custody is beginning a little sooner than we expected, but its time. That girl is hurting so so bad.
5PM snuck up on us pretty quick and mike came back to get me. With Michelle (18) and Brandy (12) Both daughters are beautiful. Long black hair, dark eyes, never stop smiling. Just Awesome. Nate was in his prime, playing big brother and little brother. Went to the graduation, where Mike sat next to me and his mom sat behind me. Every 15 minutes she would touch my shoulder and make sure i was okay. And mike kept his hand in mine att all times except when we were filming. LoL I didnt have even one panic attack!!! I was SOOOO happy. Afterward, we hugged and took pictures, Michelle said she will come visit us this summer.
Brandy cant cause last summer she was arrested (!) for shoplifting and Lena says mike should have watched her better. But I told her we would work on it. Poor brandy thought i meant i would try to get her home with us immediatly, so she went into pack. Mike told her when we come back in July, maybe then, but she and nathan MUST finish school first. She jumped back out of the car and ran inside. Nate hugged his mom and we started off. We hadn't made it off tribal land when Mike pulled over. I asked what was wrong, and he told me i had to drive. When we were switching places, Mike opened the back door, and pulled Nate out. Poor nate was just bawling, which started Mike, which started me. So the next 15 minutes, we're on the side of the road, just crying. And, like a bitch, Lena and her boyfriend drove by... without Brandy. So we doubled back and the poor girl was making microwave mac-&-cheese. she said her mom borrowed the 20$ Mike had given her... and left. Mike hit the roof. We grabbed Brandy's bag and took her with us. I thought we were bringing her home, but mike said we can't take her off tribal land; its kidnapping. So we dropped her off at Mikes aunts-- she hates Lena and loves the kids so she promised mike she wouldn't tell. Stage 1 of child custody is beginning a little sooner than we expected, but its time. That girl is hurting so so bad.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Bar talk
i know, in a bar you say things that yo dont talk about otherwise. Like your sex life, good, bad, or lack thereof. Well, mike is a regular at the Performance in auburn, and last night i walked in on him talking about us. Or rather, what he likes to do. Now, again, in a bar you dont see these people on the outside so it rarely matters. But tonight, as he was done singing "Back door man" by The Doors, and telling everyone his girl likes it that way (NOT TRUE!!!!) i walked in on him talking to MY BOSS. Well, my asst manager anyway. But still!! She's one of like 6 managers at my work, and ive seen her at the bar a few times. Never said hi, because its akward. And now i'll hide at work, cuz she now knows what my boy does in the privacy of our bedroom. *Sigh*
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