It happened.

But it really WAS an accident!! Bad day at work (Clsong w/ Michelle, big surprise) Mike shows up at 8pm dressed for the bar. He told me to come get home when i got off. At 11. Store closes, fly thru cleaning. 11pm. i throw a t-shirt on over my uniform and get into the bar. I order a drink and Kris gives it to me. She runs a tab, with Mike having permission. Except this night she tells me that Mike has been CUT OFF. Whoa. i take my drink (White russian; thank you John)and walk over to a table cuz my cellphone is ringing. I have a voicemail... "Hurry honey; im surrounded mu mexicans and they're giving me an accent. i speaka spanish now... S-O-C-K (eso si que?) you to will speaka spanish when i flash your titties across the bar" Click. Well, fuck the t-shirt, on goes the hoodie. Put my cellphone away, grab my drink and take one step to where Mike is standing. He came to meet me. And, as promised, he tried to flash me to the bar. Grabbing my breasts and yelling "i told you to wear sexy!" Which made a few people turn around, laughing,then mike turned around to grab again and knocked the drink from my hands. Bringing the owner, the bartender and the lead waitress over to investigate.When they saw mikey and i they just grabbed little brooms, while mike started to cry and explain it was ll his fault because his father was an alcoholic and he didn't know better. I paid 8 dollars to close my tab, and came home.

Was on the balcony relaxing when Mike came home. Swearing and cussing "Where is she? That bitch not here? She wanna leave? Fine, fuckin let her leave!" Then he punched the wall. Which scared me and i gasped. Which made him look up, see my shadow and kcik the bike out off the way. Then he grabbed Nathan's PSP and threw it at me, or the wall over my head, which is what it hit. I backed out on to the balcony scared shitless. He knows my past. He PROMISED he would never hurt me. He cried for 45 minutes, as it dawned on me... I HAVE come full circle.

With Aziz, i tried to anticpiate his moods, so i could hide a blanket in the kitchen. With Emad, i tried to sense what kind of day he had so i knew what kind of night i would have. I never let myself lose control. Never let me guard down for ANYTHING.

Last christmastime i put enough trust in one friend to go pasy my limits and get drunk. I felt safe that this friend wouldnt let me do something stupid enough, like drive. I made somebody else responsibile for me. And this last month, as mike spirals further and further down... i realized tonight i canot trust him enough to let my guard down. To relax and say "He wont let anything happen" Tomorrow comes a BIG BIG talk. And it wont be pretty. =(