Ashamed... the night after

June 27th

Oh, my head. I just got back from work, so bear with me, as last night is a bit fuzzy. I got off work last night at 8:30, got all dolled up, got co-workers approval, and set off. Mike got home at 9:45 and we left. When we got the the bar, the head bartender met us in the parking lot, laughing. Sheila showed up at 8pm, with her own cake, balloons and streamers, and 3 other people. Kris told them they can sit only at the bar, and she would NOT serve them alcohol. Karaoke starts at 9, so showing up at 8 was pretty stupid. And apperantly she sat there for half an hour without drinking, and nobody wished her a happy birthday. So she left. THAT WAS THE DRAMA??? REALLY??? Awesome. I relaxed, and we went in to find a table. Dressed like some teenager from a prom ( I should figure out how to upload a pic for y'all.) I stood out. So i ran to my car to change, and was more comfortable. Comfortable enough to order a drink. The bartender made me a drink she calls "Frog Pee" and i really like it. You cant even taste the alcohol! When she handed me my 3rd, she warned me they DO have alcohol and can sneak up on me. So i switched. She started bringing me something called a "Jolly Rancher" which tastes exactly like the candy. Again, without thinking of the alcohol content, and watching Mike whip ass in pool, i was really really relaxed. My friend Julie showed up and we all had a round. We went up to get another and Kris gave us our drinks in these cute plastic cups shaped like fruit. We drank em and went up for another. She gave us another fruit shaped cup. This is where it gets fuzzy... Everything from this point on is taken from Mike and Julie. And a 70$ bar tab. (Yeah, i know.) I have only been drunk ONE time in my life, with Matt just around new years. In fact, i damn near had to twist his arm to get me drunk. I am the daughter of 2 alcoholics, and was always afraid to "let loose." I figured i could trust him enough to not let me do
anything stupid. And i was right. Unfortunatly, last night i was not so lucky. I vaugly remember Mike cutting himself off, so he c ould drive home. And Julie says i took my shoes off and was dancing in the corner. And apparently i kept drinking. I do NOT remember anything after we left; i don't even remember leaving. I do remember Mike shaking me, telling me he'll be right back, and i looked at my cellphone to see it was 1:30. When Mike crawled into bed, it woke me enough to remove my shoes and my slacks. I set my alarm on my phone, noticing it was 5:45AM. My brain didn't register this until i was at work. I got to work at 8AM, and was racing around all day. Where was this headache Mike wakes up with everyday? I didn't have one, but i was SOOO tired. About noon i stopped dead in my tracks as it hit me. I BLACKED OUT and HE LEFT ME. WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENED!!? I had told him i never wanted to get drunk, i never wanted to lose control like that. I trust Matt more than i trust Mike. Obviously Mike needs an alcoholic girlfriend. Then i thought...where did he go? My brain told me the Casino, but the devil in my head said he went to see Sheila. Either way, i took my lunchbreak, bought some bandages and razor blades, and... got the pain out. I just got off work, and Mike's not here, he's at his mom's, dropping off Nathan. He's gonna spend 2 weeks with his mom, then Mike will go get all THREE kids and bring them here. I made plans to visit Matt tonight, so i'm walking out the door. See ya!