Unappriciation

"i hope you get your fill of unappriciation in WA, cuz when you come to TX i wont put up with it."


This was texted to me by my bestfriend, who, even though he's 2 thousand miles away, knows my life better than i do. I was supposed to be in Texas already, but fundage is low. Hell, its non-existant. I wont have money for any christmas gifts, let alone plane tickets. I feel like a heel, because its been a month of promises, that i cant follow up on. Why cant i follow up on it? cause i have a 47 year old baby to take care of. Do i have to? No, BUT! i know if i leave now, he;ll end up in a ditch somewhere and i'll feel guilty as hell the rest of my life. I still feel bad about how things ended with Aziz. I want to run to D, to have his arms hold me and tell me everything will be ok. But thats the problem... I run to him, to protect me, but then i feel helpless, and grow resentful. Vicious circle. I love him, but i have to make sure i love him for him, NOT because i hate my situation. Does that make sense??