I hate being sick!

I dont do "sick" very well. I hate being taken care of, i figure if I need something, I can get it. My car, my rent, save for emergencies, in which case i payback ASAP. But i don't feel good... ;-( My throat hurts, like it's swollen, i can only drink cold fluids, no eating anything cause anything that touches my throat hurts. All my facebook friends have awesome ideas, pedialyte, tea with honey, but none of them work. Just relying on nyquil for sleep relief!

T-mobile

We've had our issues, but it's usually solved before i get in trouble. Mike cannot make anyphone calls. No numbers are blocked, no time restrictions, no minute counters, nothing. But when he tries to call out, he gets this message "You are not allowed to make calls at this time; always allowed numbers can be reached." WTF? I called T-mobile, they said it's fixed, but he still cant make phone calls.

Again? Really?

I dont know what set him off, but this time the dresser paid the price. Mike left work and hit the bar, i had no warning as to what mood he was in. But i know he was pissed when he came home! Started by taking a candle off the shelf and throwing it across the room at me. I was so unprepared, i was in my pajama sweats, no shoes. Fuck. I bundled up in the blanket, pretending to be asleep, and i heard this chopping sound. i couldn't figure out what the hell it was... He left and started throwing stuff around the kitchen, and the bathroom. Eventually the sleeping pills kicked in, and i fell asleep. When i woke up i was so not prepared for what was in store. He had literally chopped off the corner of his dresser with the katana. Oh my Lord that could have been me if i had sat up. The indian pictures on my wall had marks where things had been thrown against them. The pop out stereo to his truck was smashed and the LCD was leaking. I doubt it will work. I packed everything thats important to me in the 2 large tupperware buckets and packed em in my car. Ha! try to break my stuff now, buddy.

My hair!

I needed a change. I had scissors and started cutting.My hair, not my arm. I stopped when i got to my ears, but it was all different lenths, so i kept chopping. Eventually, Mike just grabbed the electric razor and evened the underneath out.i kinda liked it, but Mike keeps calling me "Little Lotta" which is creeping me out. Lets see what others think... It's pretty drastic.

Baby Deep

My friend Mendy has a little baby boy. His name is Vansh Kunwar Singh Manku. His name is longer than HE is! Mike and i call him Baby Deep. His father is Amandeep, his mom is Mandeep, so we stick with Baby deep. And he is adorable! Mendy is such a wonderful mom, you can tell by the way she looks at him she's in love. And she speaks to him in Urdu and English, so he'll learn twice as fast. =) I'm so proud of her- her husband is a dick, and she suffered a miscarriage before baby deep. I hope to be as lucky as her. =)

Happy Birthday Michelle!

I woke up praying that my "daughter"'s birthday would go off better than my sisters. I love Michelle, and she turned 20 today! =) My mom had to have her say though. I've had 48 hours of time to think. Sleepless nights, restless days, but decided that today is Michelle's day. No sad thoughts- we're gonna start the year a little late, but it's a brand new year. I sent Michelle a Happy Birthday text, but i'm pretty sure she was sleeping, and i didnt expect to get a text back until later. Sure enough, about a half hour later, my phone jingled.  I was watching a movie with Mike, flipped my phone open, and had to go throw up. My happiness gone. Mike knocked on the door, and i opened it and just showed him the text. From my mom. "BITCH" just like that, all in caps, even. I finished throwing up, and went into take some anxiety medication. I opened my laptop, logged onto T-mobile.com and blocked every phone in that house. I was done. This ends, NOW.

We went to Sharon's for Michelle's dinner. She got some cute gifts, but had some trouble with the candles. They weren't even trick candles! LoL But we got her on video, with River helping to blow out the last 2. Everybody had fun, but poor girl had to leave to go to work.

facebook, alcohol and hangovers

I found out yesterday through my mother's facebook page that Gio and Cortney announced their engagement at Cort's party. i texted everyone in the house, nobody got back to me, even Grandma. Yes, due to my past, i had alienated everyone. But i did NOT steal that money. So i did what i had seen done to solve problems growing up, and throughout my relationships. I grabbed the bottle. I was too stressed to eat all day, and the alcohol hit me quick and hard. but i just kept drinking, mixing vodka with tequila, strawberry soda with vodka to stop the burn. Wine with juice, basically any alcohol i could get my hands on got drank. I knew i would pay for it when i woke up, but fuck it. if i dont wake up, i dont wake up; then my mom can have 40$ from my bank. The more i drank, the more i let my facebook friends know i was drinking. i'm not sure why. looking back today, Jason was teasing me about my car, cheering me up, mike was trying to cheer me up, and i kept crying. I couldn't believe my mother hated me so much. I hadn't even talked to her, but that was the point. i couldn't get anyone to answer my texts. drinking and crying, until mike made me lay down. i cried myself to sleep, but mike woke me about 2AM with steak and juice. he promised it would stop the hangover, and you know what? It did! =)

Actual Email from mom

from:Cindy xxxxxx@comcast.net

to:Melissa Kuchman im.an.epileptic.fish@gmail.com
Sun, Jan 9, 2011 at 4:10 PM
subject: IDK

Meliss,

So now today I am faced with the fact that NO ONE matters to you. NO ONE! So, don't come up here, don't call me. I am so devastated that I can't stand it. I keep taking last nights movements through my head to make sure I am not wrong there is just no way.

We were shopping, Cortney and Gio were throwing things in the cart. He was going to pay for it all I guess but I didn't know. I knew you had $20 and So I assumed I could spend $40 but I also had $32 incase they went nuts. We got to the counter and you took the meat and went to another cashier. I was freaked out, I told Gio I only had $32 dollars and he said "Don't worry about it I am taking care of it all. You said, you better get him a ring or I am gonna. I don't know if that was after you had checked out or not. I just know I had a death grip on that money until I got into the car. I had my license, the original receipt and the money, $32.60. The .60 cents was still there, my license and the original receipt but not the 4 bills that would have been scrunched together. Do you know how I felt, I knew right away that you had to have taken it. I was sick. Do you know how many times you have made me AND your dad feel like this?

too many times.

I love you but I just can't look you in the eye right now.

**Guess i know why nobody was getting back to me...here it is, in writing.**

Those who do not learn from their past...

I'll be the first to admit i've done financial no-no's. I've stolen from family, friends, and strangers. And i'm lucky i've escaped without a police record. At one point i stole enough that my mother wanted to put me in jail to teach me. Fortunatly the person that i stole from did not think jail would do me any good. That thought alone set me straight. I've been good- i dont even take the loose change i find in the dryer. Until today, i thought people were trusting me again. See, today is my baby-sister's 19th birthday. Her "boyfriend" (thru the internet; i wish her better tham i got) came from Florida to visit and meet the family. My mom wanted to make a special dinner for Cort, and i wanted to help. i asked mike if i could use his card, he said sure, but NO MORE than 40$ and the card doesn't leave my hands. The last time i went shopping with my mom was a disaster, and even though Mike got his money back, he was still weary. Gio, Cortney, my mom and I got in my mom's new car and headed to Sharon's to meet mike. This is the first time my family met his... bittersweet considering the rest of the night. After getting the card, the 4 of us headed to Walmart. Gio and Cort headed off in one direction, my mom and i in the other. I was mentally adding up the price, wondering how i would tell her no more than 40. She had already given me the money, so i was covered as far as mike was concerned. We re-met up with Gio and Cort, and they put there things up on the belt. The line next to us was empty, i thought i'd beat them by going thru. My mom had only put the hamburger in my basket, so i owed her some money back. Once i got thru, i went over to there line to tease them about being too slow. Gio offered to pay for there groceries. I was shocked- a man with manners? I hoped he knew how rare that is these days. We all walked to the car and loaded up the groceries; then headed home. This is where it gets...complicated. We got home and my brother came over to borrow money for a friend of his. Gio, Cort and I took the groceries into the house, Cort started on dinner, i played on my computer next to grandma. A few minutes later my mom came in and went right into her bedroom. My dad came out to help Cort and i asked him if my mom was okay? She seemed off, like she was crying. Jay had just moved out, maybe she missed him? Maybe he promised her something and was skimping? I was to find out it was much worse. I texted Shawn, to ask him what i was missing, the same time my dad came out to tell me i should leave. My mom wasn't in the mood for visitors. Shawn's text came back-- my mom was missing 40$ and i was the prime suspect. Hell, i am the only suspect. I felt my blood run cold, but i packed up my computer, gave my dad the 20$ that my mom had given me for mike, (I'll deal with him myself) and left. Happy Birthday, Cortney...

Car problems!

Okay, try not to laugh too hard at this. Cause i was really scared and really worried that something was wrong with my car. At the end of november, he had these freak windstorms, followed by snowstorms. Beautiful, but dangerous to drive in. I let mike drive my Ford, cause it drives better in the snow. Now that the snow is melted, when i drive, there is a clickclickclick sound from the front passenger tire. Mike says its the ball-joint, Dave says it might be the melted ice inSIDE my tire- pressured air has condensation in it; i never realized it. For 2 weeks i tried to not drive my car, to save wear and tear. But a had to drive it a few times, once being to my mom's for laundry. When i put my car in reverse, i heard a big CRACK sound, and stopped. I was so sure i had damaged my baby, and was doomed to stay at my mom's. Double crap. I started doing laundry, and when i popped the trunk to load the first load of finished laundry, i noticed somthing sticking out of my cartire. Being me, i pulled on it, figuring i could show Rusty and he'll know what it is and can fix it. Well, i didnt need Rusty... i pulled the problem out myself. It was a freaking STICK. Seriously, just a little stick that was stuck up between the tire and engine. Sure enough, driving home was quiet and peaceful. Except for my laughing at myself. =P

Naked pictures ;-)

Okay, time for some not so tiresome/Mike news. I have a friend, Tom, that lives in St Louis, and is a HUGE football fan. Today, my Seahawks played his Rams. Too make things interesting, we had a side bet. The loser had to send the winner naked pictures. Seattle won! Which wouldn't have been a problem, because we never specified the nakedness... I was set to send him naked pics of MIKE, LoL. He came thru, and sent me pics of himself...

Careful what i wished for!

I wish Mike would just give up and go. Seriously. No redeeming value to me whatsoever. We were both absolutly shocked that DSHS paid him cash this month- of course i knew it wasn't going toward rent. We took Brandy home. She came in my room crying; did NOT want to go alone. over 2 hours alone in car with her dad... i couldn't do it to her. When we told Mike, he was not happy, and he informed me of his plans. He had packed his stuff in with Brandy's and was planning on moving in with a friends over there. Taking MY car (even though i dont drive it, i'm still paying the fucking thing off) and staying over there. With me going, i could drive the honda back, he'd have to take his truck or put it up for sale or something. He had all of 15 minutes to decide. LoL Looking back, it really didn't matter...

We got in the car, and left. Brandy and i each had our MP3 players, so i can imagine it was a quiet ride. We dropped BJ off, and headed further onto the res. I assumed mike would stay with a roofing buddy or an old coke dealer. Nope. He pulled up in front of this beautifully kept house (It stood out in this city) with motorcycles in the front yard. When i saw the motorcycles, it clicked. This was ARLENE'S house!! This lady he had a crush on his whole life! The lasy he was sexting when we first got together! Oh, this was gonna be fun... Now, her husband (I know, right?) is named Mike as well, so this could get a bit confusing. Western WA Mike went to the door, and Eastern WA mike answered. WWMike asked for Arlene, EWMike stepped outside. I was in the car, and couldn't hear, but it didn't look like WWMike had a chance to talk to Arlene. EWMike blocked the door,and they started talking. WWMike made a phone call, and Arlene stepped out on the porch. He may be an idiot, but he had actually CALLED her from her porch. LoL She opened the door all the way and 6 little kids ran out. She shook her head no, and EWMike went inside. Arlena and WWMike talked for a moment, EWMike cam out and handed him some pieces of paper. He turned around and came back to the car. The look on his face was so sad, i almost felf bad for him. He got in the car and we came home in absolute silence. At at high speed, we made it back here at record speed. 90 minutes! This is a 2.5 hour trip at best! When we got home i peeked at whatever papers EWMike had handed WWMike... they were shelters. Whtever story he told them, they had no room in the inn. But they wanted to help. I didnt laugh at him then, but i will now. Except IM still stuck with him. Hmmm....

Happy New Year???

Damn it. Screw it. Fuck it. Eventually i WILL learn. The bar means more than your kids, your bills, and me. And you proved it, asshole. Mike started drinking about noon, so by 8pm he was soused. He wanted us all to watch movies together, but Brandy was playing on my computer, and Nathan was pissed because Mike wouldn't let him stay @ his grandma's. I went out and we started watching movies, for about 15 minutes. He kept calling the kids, but they were doing there own thing. So he got dressed in his leathers and LEFT. I figured he would at least come home before midnight, right? To celebrate with us, his family? I must have been dreaming. We dont have cable, so i didnt get to watch any ball drop, but Mike stomped upstairs about 12:15, hugged and kissed BJ who was glued to myside.I turned away, he stunk of alcohol so bad. He walked in the kitchen and called his ex fuck-buddy Arlene. I really wish he would just GO there, stay with her, let me get my shit paid off and move.