LoL @ Brandy

I never walked in on my parents... They had the smarts to lock the door. Last night, Mike and i had a little to smoke, and i was in the mood. Smoking does that too me, damn it. Well, he was all for it! We were playing around, kissing and such, and got "into position." As soon as things got started, the bedroom door opened, and Brandy walked in. Poor poor girl turned around and left, Mike and i laughing and yelling get out! She went back to Nate's room where they had a nice laugh... "It's okay honey...Daddy wasn't hurting me!" LoL

Christmas

After BJ and i got home the other day, i was afraid for what the apartment would look like. Not only did it look ok, he had actually cleaned the cushions, uprighted the tree, rehung the lights that he had pulled down. Brandy stayed by my side whenever Mike was in the room. We mostly stayed in my bedroom, but you could see her visibly tense up whenever he came near. We went together to my mom's house for Christmas, and she relaxed. She also met little Sean's brother, Josh. Even though he's 18, she started texting him... like crazy. Enough to make my brother text me that she was making Josh crazy. he told her she was illegal and didn't have a snowballs chance in hell. This morning my mom asked if i think tanner would make a good match. yes, actually. Tanner is quiet, soft-spoken, AGE APPROPRIATE... They went out. She didn't like him cause he didnt try to kiss her. But they went out again today... and she doesn;t like him because he doesn't want to have sex! Wow... this is gonna be a rough visit.

Kidnapped? LoL

Merry Christmas! Last night i will never forget, and it makes me laugh. But anybody else would be smart. So... we have Brandy for winter break, but that didnt stop mike from goingb to the bar. After he left, Brandy came in and asked what to do if he comes home drunk. (She remembers last summer) i told her to grab her stuff, and throw it in a backpack, but dont make anything look to obvious. i put a spare blanket and pillow in my car, and then we played on the computer, and watched movies. About 1:30, mike came home, and he was MAD. BJ came running into the room, scared. I told her just sit on the bed, pretend to be asleep or watch a movie. DONT TALK unless he aske you a question. just stay as quiet as you can, because you dont know what will set him off. He came in, bitching about women, in general, and either saw the tree or tripped over it, i cant tell from my bedroom. but whatever it was, it set him off. He went to his dresser where he keeps his half dollars from the casino that he doesn't think i know about. He opened the bedroom door, and yelled "F*** you!" to us, then left. We heard him shift gears halfway up the road, he was going so fast they grinded. (ground?)

I told brandy to hurry, so we grabbed our backpacks and ran to my car. Poor girl was crying, asking if he was always like this (yes) and would he really hurt us? (yes) i drove up to my mom's house, thinking my dad and brother could kick some ass. My dad has a gun that he'd like to show Mike, i'm sure. We got up there, i had BJ play on my laptop (I always bring it when he's this drunk) and i hid my car under some trees. About an hour later, we heard the bass of the truck, and he drove right up to the house. He checked the cars, because grandma's and mine look the same, and then he saw mine under the trees amd knew i was there. I had all the lights off, so we could see him walking around the front yard. BJ started crying again, asking if she had to go with him. HELL NO. I sat her back on the couch, and opened the door before he could bang on it. I kept the screen door closed betwen us, and he was screaming about how i kidnapped her, and he wants his F'ing daughter back! F me, F her, he'll burn down the house,  he'll call the police! I was trying so hard not to laugh. "Okay- call the police! I'll even tell them why she's here, and you see if they send her home with you. You're drunk- go home, we'll see you tomorrow." He was screaming weird obsenities, but he got in his truck and left. Then he started texting us- telling me he would be back with the police, and telling BJ her mom was a bitch and she would never be allowed to come back. We turned our phones off and went to bed. When we got up this morning, i warned her that the house would be a MESS, but he actually had cleaned up. It was vaccumed and everything. And when we came into the bedroom, he smiled and asked if we were off Christmas shopping. HE DIDNT REMEMBER A THING!

Kidnapped

We have Brandy! Not the liquor, the girl! Mike's youngest, and she is scaring the hell out of me with some of the things she is doing in her mom's custody. She will not be alone with her father because of what happened last summer, so this puts a damper on things i can do, and places i can go. I love her, but she IS only 14 and i cant blame her for being scared. Especially after last night. Nathan is at his grandma's visiting Michelle, which he always does when BJ comes over. So her and i are playing on the computer, mike is in the living room practicing karaoke. And drinking. About 10PM he came in, got dressed and left- no good-bye to BJ or myself. Oh well, we just kept playing around, until 2AM when Mike came home, drunk and yelling. Something about buying a girl drinks and calling her beautiful but getting no where. Um, you can't convert a lesbian, idiot. But he came in and was tickling Brandy, until it started to hurt her. She said Stop- which is a trigger word for "Mean Mike". He pushed her away, and went to the kitchen to pour himself a drink. During the tickling, his keys, wallet and phone had fallen out of his pocket. I asked her to hand me the keys, i didnt want him driving anymore than he had to- it's Christmas time, cops are out in full, and it's MY car he's driving. Legally, anyway. I figured he would watch a movie, pass out on the couch and wake up tomorrow. I was so freaking wrong. He drank half a pint of rum in the house before he went out, and the other half in ONE FREAKING SWALLOW. Then he went looking for his keys. The only place he would go at this time of night would be the casino. And if he loses, we're all screwed. While he was throwing the living room to pieces, screaming obscenities, i told brandy to slip her shoes on, quietly. I put mike's keys on the dresser, and asked him what he was looking for. He came in the room yelling until he saw the keys. He grabbed them and took off. I watched out the window, and as soon as he was out of sight, BJ and i grabbed pillows, blankets, my computer and our phones, and WE left. The only place i could think to go was my mom's. I have an emergency key, and my dad has a new gun. I didn't want it to come to that, but if it had to, it had to. I tried to hide my car in the trees,  and we settled down in the family room. Brandy was in tears, and i wanted to cry too. Why does he do this to his own baby girl? I'm an adult; she's just a child! From the family room, we set up blankets and waited. I knew as soon as Mike saw we were gone, he would come to my mothers. Sure enough, about half hour later, we saw headlights. It was completly dark in the family room, we watched as he gunned his engine into the yard and ran to my grandma's car. (Our cars are identical; until you look inside) Then he saw MY car, so much for hiding it. I was afraid he would do something to it, but he turned around and headed for the house. Just as he was up on the porch, i opened the door so he wouldn't kick it down. He starts yelling "Where's my kid?" "You kidnapped my kid, bitch!" "I'll call the police!" I called his bluff. Okay- you call the police, i'll even give you the address, buddy. Cause i'm pretty sure the cops wont make BJ go with you drunk, and by-the-way, you're tresspassing. And my dad has a registered, loaded gun. So, go ahead call the police. He turned around and left. We just woke up and i have 4 messages on my cellphone calling me a kidnapping bitch. i plan on keeping these...

Police.

I had to call. I hated to, but i had to. And you know what? I NEVER WILL AGAIN. Auburn cops are doing whats called a house watch for me. It's basically the same as when you go on vacation and ask the police to watch your house, but this time they are checking on ME, not the house. If i do not answer the phone, they will knock on the door. If i dont answer, Mike will be arrested for "suspicious circumstances". Hows that for justice? But... what caused this? I woke up this morning and saw the distruction he had caused, including the stab-mark in my wall. I needed something on record, in case... in case of the worst case scenario. The police showed up, and seperated us to get our stories. They took pictures of the damage, did a report, but cant press charges at this time. Mike, smelling of alcohol, told his police officer that i had mental disabilities, and blew things out of proportion. (Fuck him) I told my police officer that i was only in fear for my life when Mike was drinking. This is true! When he's not drinking, he's a nice guy! They gave me a 1-800# for domestic violence, and set up the house watch. I feel a little more protected... A little.

Stand up for myself?? Yeah. Right.

i never thought in my wildest dreams that it would come to this. I figured, i've run, i've been paralized in fear, i sleep fully clothed, keys and wallet hidden, medication and cell phone in pocket. Anything i need to get out of the house NOW is within arms reach, or just a trip to the bathroom. Yesterday i cut myself, to deal with some pain i was in, and tonight Mike went out drinking. One should have nothing to do with the other, but... He came home screaming, and throwing things around. He hates going to the bar alone, he resents the fact that i get money without working, he hates my family, etc. Then he ripped off the bandage and started screaming about that. So... I stood up for myself. I sat up, and told him that my family , my money and my arm are not his business. He grabbed his freaking SWORD and tried to stab me. Seriously.  I laid down just in time for him to miss me and hit the wall. There is a cut mark in the wall, right where my head would be. In the second it took him to put the sword from the wall, i rolled off the bed and was trying to hit the bathroom. He grabbed me by the hood of my hoodie, and pulled me back onto the bed. I grabbed the blanket, rolled it around me and he just started hitting. He grabbed anything in reach, and it became a projectile. It seems standing up for myself made it worse.

Unappriciation

"i hope you get your fill of unappriciation in WA, cuz when you come to TX i wont put up with it."


This was texted to me by my bestfriend, who, even though he's 2 thousand miles away, knows my life better than i do. I was supposed to be in Texas already, but fundage is low. Hell, its non-existant. I wont have money for any christmas gifts, let alone plane tickets. I feel like a heel, because its been a month of promises, that i cant follow up on. Why cant i follow up on it? cause i have a 47 year old baby to take care of. Do i have to? No, BUT! i know if i leave now, he;ll end up in a ditch somewhere and i'll feel guilty as hell the rest of my life. I still feel bad about how things ended with Aziz. I want to run to D, to have his arms hold me and tell me everything will be ok. But thats the problem... I run to him, to protect me, but then i feel helpless, and grow resentful. Vicious circle. I love him, but i have to make sure i love him for him, NOT because i hate my situation. Does that make sense??

Grandma's Birthday

Today my grandma turned 77.. Wow! Shopping for Grandma is both easy and difficult. It's easy cause she collects angels, so anything with an angel on it she'll love. The difficult part? Finding something she doesn't have, AND something rare enough that nobody else will buy it. Homemade angels are nice too, but i'm not that skilled. And she cant exactly put a poem of an angel in her display case... I bought her a little plaque, from Val's magazine catalog business, that had I love you grandma over the imprint of an angel. Unique, huh? She liked it- thats what counts. =)

GUNS!!!!

Visited my mom today, and my dad wasn't home. I was shocked because he hasn't left the house since his back surgery. Glad that he felt well enough to leave, but was dumb-struck when my mom told me he was at the gun range!! My family has never really been into guns, save for the loaded .22 my dad has for protection, and whatever it is that my brother takes hunting. When my dad came home, he was mad- the guy at the gun range made him and Shawn pay for 3 hours, then take an hour class before telling them that he was closing early. I felt bad, before he took his coat off... revealing a GUN! he had one of those holster things, and in it was a freaking gun. He was so excited to show me his toys, he brought out the lock-box (thank God) and bullets, covers, cases, etc. i hate guns, but dad was so happy i had to smile. But i smiled even more when he put it all away! =)

happy birthday to me

Not a bad way to turn 31, save for i'm missing one important person. Mike bought me a beautiful card, and an ice cream cake, and my parents took Nate and I out to dinner. Mike had to work, so my dad actually sprung to buy him an extra meal, and i took it to him. Michelle came and got Nate, and when Mike got home from work, we hit the bar. The homeplate, which is one of 2 places i'll go. We walked in, and mike announced to all (there were like, 6 people in there; LoL) that it was my birthday. Everyone bought me a shot, all with highly odd names. Screaming orgasm, slippery nipple, sex on the beach...

Came home and crawled into the new bed my mom bought... so comfortable. It will be a switch to not sleep on the floor!! =) =)

It was fun, but a far cry from last year, where my bestfriend was the only one i let buy me a drink. And i got WASTED and it was ll on video. which i watch when i want to remember why i dont drink. It was a good birthday, but... it was missing that one person.