Tinman

Well, i promised i would write about him, but most of what i want to write, i can't. Or should i say, i won't. In one of my writings, i promised to never go back, never re-read what i wrote, and never censor myself. Yeah, well, i was also taught the 5th amendment, roughly stating that i refuse to say anything that can get my ass in trouble. I stand behind that.

He's the cutest, no- sexiest man i've had the pleasure of. Meeting, that is. Dark hair, dark eyes...but that doesn't do it. And describing his looks wont tell you why i like him, that's not me. He's charming. He is the first person i can always call on in an emergency (See last post- my window is proof!) He has the ability to calm me down, even in the worst panic attacks. I slipped last December, outing my crush on him. i actually slipped that i wanted him to come see me at work. And he didn't think less of me. I even showed him my arm, and he wasn't mad, angry, or disgusted. He was...worried. Sympethetic, even.


I went to his house so he could borrow something. We sat in my car for TWO HOURS and just talked. All the crap that i've been going thru, i seriously want to just go back to Aziz. We've talked, and it wont be hard. I'll miss my mom and family, and it wont be the same as Sweden, and i KNOW it will suck, but it beats living on mom's couch, or putting up with Mike, non-communication, Michelle not doing SHIT, nate and his spoiled-world-owes-me attitude.

Granted, my life doesn't suck, i have friends, and my family and i appriciate each other more. But why am i hurting myself to please this idiot? And he just listened. He's heard it from Mike directly, when he bragged about me at the bar. Yeah, i treat him, and others like i would like to be treated. Like i was treated, in my car. Okay, that sounds bad. But seriously, for TWO HOURS, i just talked and talked, all this shit bottled up. He just kept listening. He stood up for Mike even, giving his opinion when it was needed. I wanted to give in to my urges so bad, and when he invited me in, i thought he did too. But he was a gentleman. We sat on his bed and watched a movie... i seriously cant tell you what movie. I kept waiting for him to make a move. Nope. I wish i was braver...