I played Katy Perry

That is, i kissed a girl. But didnt exactly like it. And my boyfriend didn't mind it. I met Steve outside his work today, and he came out with Val. He brought her to my work to meet me, and she (in his words) was sprung. K, whatever. I honestly didn't think anything of it. So they walked out of work today, and she stood there. He was searching for my car, i was trying to put on make up, fast as i can. he came over and kissed me, she made a face and he said "you'll get yours, be patient." She came over and hugged me and called me beautiful. Then Steve told her we should all go, and she said "Normal spot?" Which was kind of my fist clue that 1) Something was about to happen and 2) Something between these 2 ALREADY HAD. So i took my anxiety pill. i follwed steve to his car and val followed in hers. we pulled up to a secluded spot, where she slipped off her skirt, and... the rest will be left to your imagination. Suffice to say, she had fun, he had fun, and i am blacking it out of my memory. Night!

Steve

Okay... He came today. AGAIN. According to Julie and Meghan, he's come everyday! He asks about me, and they wont answer any of his questions. Julie says he's cute, Meghan says he's stuck-up. Here's what i  know, he's ex-military, blue eyes, light hair. So far into the "Not-my-type" zone i'll need a map if i date him. But he's asking about me... Now cashier's get hit on all the time, so this is not a big deal, but it's flattering. But we all know enough about each other to know what we can talk about. I've told em they can tell this guy I'm taken, i'm not a cheater, and thanks but no thanks.  He showed up today with a different girl. Why? To show me that he can? Men. Ugh.

i met somebody...?

Part of my job when im working cosmetics is to let peoples in the bathroom. "Code 2, please? Code 2" Like its an undercover mission. Yesterday this guy came in and i let him in the bathroom and he said "A beautiful lady to let me in the bathroom." And i blushed, as i do. But i let him in and walked away to help my manager. I told her he hit on me, and she smiled. I was then paged to help in photo and as i was walking away i heard the bathroom door open. I continued to photo, where i helped my friend, and told her what just happened. (Hey, this guy was cute! We all get hit on often, but he really was!) I turned around...there he was! He asked if i work tomorrow (being Monday; today) I said no- i'll be here Wed and Thurs. Meghan asked if she could help with anything and we both shushed her and i told her its not a Walgreens question. I blushed and she figured it out. This guy (Steve) left. I didn't really think i would hear from him again. Until a few minutes ago, my phone rang. It was work; i let it go to voicemail. While listening to the voicemail from Meghan, i got another call; a number i didn't recognize. They left a message. Turned out to be Julie. Both girls said basically the same thing...CALL ME ASAP! I called Walgreens; Julie answered but was already out of it so i asked for Meghan. Im thinking something happened in the store...? (TO Michelle, perhaps?) Nope... Steve came in asking about me. Am i single? (How'd they answer that?) Would i date him? (Again...what did they tell him??!) He left all his info with Julie, so i should go see her tomorrow...

Rude much?

Okay- my job is usually fun. I spent the night before sleeping in my car, which was fun but oddly uncomfortable. So i was probably not in the best of moods. Besides that, one of my co-workers is a 65 year old Bosnian woman that hates me. And makes no attempt to hide it. Strike 2. But one of my favorite managers was on duty, my daily project was to fold t-shirts, i didn't have to sign anything, so i was doing okay. Until 11AM... We are short handed everyday but Friday, so some items stay in our stockroom. If a customer comes up and asks for a particular item, we can cal for a stock check and somebody will get that item. Everybody wins. This customer came up to buy her items, including mushrooms, oranges and chicken broth. I remember because these are the 3 items on sale, and they also happened to be OUT OF STOCK. I had been giving out rainchecks all morning, while we were waiting for a small delivery. This lasy had gotten the wrong broth, the computer would not accept the coupon. I cannot manually force it too. I explained that i can give her a raincheck for all 3 items, and she can come at her convenience and get them at the sale price. Our deliveries come in on Fridays, and we will have a fresh delivery. "You get your items on Friday and sold out by Wednesday. Why do i even bother to come here?" (I bit my tongue.) She mumbled more under her breath, but i finished ringing up her purchases and writing her rainchecks. My polocy is to ring up all coupons at the END of the transaction, most customers like to see how much they've saved. My regulars like this. This lasy, however, was not amused. When the coupon didn't work with the broth, i explained we are out of that particular brand, can give ANOTHER raincheck. Or i can ask a manager if she can have the butterball broth she brought up, for the Swansans brand on sale. "Well, go get my soup!" I explained we were out, but my manager was coming to override and give her the sale price. I had a line forming at this point so i grabbed the intercom and paged for a 2nd cashier. The only available one was Kras, the Bolivian woman. My customer continued grumbling, but she knew she was getting a hell of a deal, so we finished her transaction. My manager came up, worked her manager magic, and customer finished paying. Then she did the one thing i hate most. I have a line of about 5 people, no 2nd cashier, and she stands right there w/o moving and analyzes her reciept. I reached over the counter and put her bag on the floor to make room for my next customer. I helped my line, and angry lady was still there. I'll be damned if she didn't find an actual mistake. The coupon for one of her items hadn't rung up. Hydrogen peroxide is 1.00$, on sale for .99$. Yes, i had forgotten to save her a penny. And she wanted it. NOW. Because the purchase was complete, i could not give her a refund, only a manager can do that. I explained if she would wait in aisle 1, i would have a manager over there immidiatly to help her. I grabbed my intercome, and something in my voice told my manager to GTF out here. AGAIN. Angry lady stood there and waited, telling my customers to watch their reciepts, and count their change because im probably stealing money. I started to see red. Debbie came and escorted her to the return counter, and i went back to folding t-shirts. Few minutes later, Debbie came over. She looked so serious, i was nervous. She said that she didn't want to, but because it was a legitimate mistake, Walgreens policy is to give her a 25$ giftcard. And loss-prevention will want to know why, so consider this my official verbal warning. At this moment i can see the old bat of a customer walking over to us. Debbie keeps talking, and i was getting mad. A PENNY. My clean record smudged because ONE CENT. The customer came over and said " Young lady, you are incompitant and if it were up to me, You would be fired." I took a deep breath, and said "Ma'am, if it was up to ME, you wouldn't be allowed in my store." and walked away. I walked into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. When i came out, Kras sent me to lunch. I had nowhere else to go so went to see Mike. maybe he'll make me feel better... He didn't even get off his chair. i played online for awhile, then went back. Mike texted me to come back after work, and we'll talk. When i got back, my manager was waiting by the timeclock- she told me the "official warning" wasn't official, but to appease the customer, she wanted it to look real. makes sense but i was still angry.

I finished out my day, no troubles. Day went pretty fast actually. I was getting nervous about talking to mike; we've been having issues for a few weeks now. When i got off at 4:30, i texted him- maybe we can meet somewhere so we have some privacy. This is our number one issue right now. No communication, no privacy. He was at work, but go ahead and cook for the kids. HUH?! Your daughter is 18... and cant bake french fries?? I went to the house, and set up my computer. If nothing else, i can play until he gets home. Brandy, the 13 yr old, came over and asked what time we were having dinner. I cannot say no to her, she is so much like i was at that age. Shy and soft spoken. I told her i would get right on it. She told me that her dad said if they ask, i will just buy McDonalds. i was PISSED. A few days ago, he got drunk and started telling me the things he loves about me. i swear this is the list, before he realized what he said: " Rich, beautiful eyes, nice smile..." thats where he caught his mistake. Im rich? No- i'm money smart. And now i see why he is too. CUZ I PAY EVERYTHING. Which has stopped, NOW.

2 verbal bitch slaps

Okay- my job is usually fun. I spent the night before sleeping in my car, which was fun but oddly uncomfortable. So i was probably not in the best of moods. Besides that, one of my co-workers is a 65 year old Bosnian woman that hates me. And makes no attempt to hide it. Strike 2. But one of my favorite managers was on duty, my daily project was to fold t-shirts, i didn't have to sign anything, so i was doing okay. Until 11AM... We are short handed everyday but Friday, so some items stay in our stockroom. If a customer comes up and asks for a particular item, we can cal for a stock check and somebody will get that item. Everybody wins. This customer came up to buy her items, including mushrooms, oranges and chicken broth. I remember because these are the 3 items on sale, and they also happened to be OUT OF STOCK. I had been giving out rainchecks all morning, while we were waiting for a small delivery. This lasy had gotten the wrong broth, the computer would not accept the coupon. I cannot manually force it too. I explained that i can give her a raincheck for all 3 items, and she can come at her convenience and get them at the sale price. Our deliveries come in on Fridays, and we will have a fresh delivery. "You get your items on Friday and sold out by Wednesday. Why do i even bother to come here?" (I bit my tongue.) She mumbled more under her breath, but i finished ringing up her purchases and writing her rainchecks. My polocy is to ring up all coupons at the END of the transaction, most customers like to see how much they've saved. My regulars like this. This lasy, however, was not amused. When the coupon didn't work with the broth, i explained we are out of that particular brand, can give ANOTHER raincheck. Or i can ask a manager if she can have the butterball broth she brought up, for the Swansans brand on sale. "Well, go get my soup!" I explained we were out, but my manager was coming to override and give her the sale price. I had a line forming at this point so i grabbed the intercom and paged for a 2nd cashier. The only available one was Kras, the Bolivian woman. My customer continued grumbling, but she knew she was getting a hell of a deal, so we finished her transaction. My manager came up, worked her manager magic, and customer finished paying. Then she did the one thing i hate most. I have a line of about 5 people, no 2nd cashier, and she stands right there w/o moving and analyzes her reciept. I reached over the counter and put her bag on the floor to make room for my next customer. I helped my line, and angry lady was still there. I'll be damned if she didn't find an actual mistake. The coupon for one of her items hadn't rung up. Hydrogen peroxide is 1.00$, on sale for .99$. Yes, i had forgotten to save her a penny. And she wanted it. NOW. Because the purchase was complete, i could not give her a refund, only a manager can do that. I explained if she would wait in aisle 1, i would have a manager over there immidiatly to help her. I grabbed my intercome, and something in my voice told my manager to GTF out here. AGAIN. Angry lady stood there and waited, telling my customers to watch their reciepts, and count their change because im probably stealing money. I started to see red. Debbie came and escorted her to the return counter, and i went back to folding t-shirts. Few minutes later, Debbie came over. She looked so serious, i was nervous. She said that she didn't want to, but because it was a legitimate mistake, Walgreens policy is to give her a 25$ giftcard. And loss-prevention will want to know why, so consider this my official verbal warning. At this moment i can see the old bat of a customer walking over to us. Debbie keeps talking, and i was getting mad. A PENNY. My clean record smudged because ONE CENT. The customer came over and said " Young lady, you are incompitant and if it were up to me, You would be fired." I took a deep breath, and said "Ma'am, if it was up to ME, you wouldn't be allowed in my store." and walked away. I walked into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. When i came out, Kras sent me to lunch. I had nowhere else to go so went to see Mike. maybe he'll make me feel better... He didn't even get off his chair. i played online for awhile, then went back. Mike texted me to come back after work, and we'll talk. When i got back, my manager was waiting by the timeclock- she told me the "official warning" wasn't official, but to appease the customer, she wanted it to look real. makes sense but i was still angry.

I finished out my day, no troubles. Day went pretty fast actually. I was getting nervous about talking to mike; we've been having issues for a few weeks now. When i got off at 4:30, i texted him- maybe we can meet somewhere so we have some privacy. This is our number one issue right now. No communication, no privacy. He was at work, but go ahead and cook for the kids. HUH?! Your daughter is 18... and cant bake french fries?? I went to the house, and set up my computer. If nothing else, i can play until he gets home. Brandy, the 13 yr old, came over and asked what time we were having dinner. I cannot say no to her, she is so much like i was at that age. Shy and soft spoken. I told her i would get right on it. She told me that her dad said if they ask, i will just buy McDonalds. i was PISSED. A few days ago, he got drunk and started telling me the things he loves about me. i swear this is the list, before he realized what he said: " Rich, beautiful eyes, nice smile..." thats where he caught his mistake.

I did but i didn't

I cant remeber if i wrote about Mr business card, and im not breaking my rules and going back to look. Long story short, this guy asked me out (happens alot in retail apperently)and i teased and said i would need his phone number. A week later he came back and gave it to me. I never called. When he showed back up, i explained that i was in a relationship. And he explained he just wanted to have a little fun. I'm NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL, DAMMIT!!!

He comes in everyday and buys 2 packs of Kool cigarettes, so i see him often. He gave me his address, and told me i am welcome anytime, he sees me smile all the time, and "wants to be part of what makes me smile." I thought this was so so sweet.

Things are strained between Mike and I, to the point that i have slept in my car a few times. Well, Mr. Business card came in last night, and was teasing me, so i said i would call. He kissed me... in the store. I debated, talked it over with friends, and texted mike. I said i was going out with friends from work (Not exactly a lie...) but will come home to shower and change first. No text back. After work, i went home, he was asleep. While i was changing, he woke up to say have a good time, while i was hoping he would say stay home. I didn't.

Mr business card is also named Michael, and he lives 4 blocks away. I got there in minutes, and we sat on the couch. We talked for a few minutes; he's very very blunt. "Why did you come here? What do you want to happen? what are your expectations?" I just told him im not a cheater, ive never just gone to bed with strangers, im not that kind of girl. So we talked for a bit more, he told me he wanted to be part of the reason i smile, and that i am welcome anytime. Then he kissed me very slowly, like i like, but dont get. And it took every ounce of my self control not to go any further.

And when i got home, no dishes were done, the kitchen was a mess, the dog hadn't been taken out, even though 3 teenagers had been home all day, the beds hadn't been made, and they were asking me what i had downloaded.

I took the dog for a VERY long walk, trying to cool down. When i got home, Mike was awake, and i tried to get close. Not sexually, just hold me for a minute. Show me that i mean something; stop me from going to Michaels house. But he didn't, and... i'm wishing i did.

Needing,,,

Im sure you've heard the expression "Needs a good stiff one." Usually i believe it means a drink, but in my case...

Mike is 47 in chronological years, but much much older physically. we flew thru our "honeymoon phase" and have settled into a boring once-a-week routine. Ive never been a big fan of sex; its messy and over way too quick. I can literally count my partners on one hand, and only 2 of those have made me want more. 40%... no wonder i didn't like it.

Since his kids are here, we're on the living room floor, which is hurting both our backs. Plus we never know if the alcoholic in the corner will come home, or if the kids will come out for food, drink or bathroom. This is putting such a strain on our relationship, im honestly thinking of moving out. With privacy, i would have a little more control over my life, and might be able to... get something to bring the smile back to my face. Is that horrible or what?

Meet the kids

Mike has 3 kids, as i've written about. They have taken over the bedroom, and all 3 sleep in the same bed. Normally not a problem for kids, except they're teenagers.

Brandy just turned 13, is innocent as a white rose (now) and loves stuffed animals. She has shoulder length hair, which she clips to the side with a little butterfly that matches the color of whatever outfit she is wearing. She is also a skateboarder, so she carries a board with her most places. We bonded pretty quick, and she is a sweetheart. She is "Daddy's little girl", and is deciding if she wants to live with us full time.

Nathan is 15- we have full custody of him. He broke up with his "girlfriend" (A myspace girl that lives 1800 miles away) and when his sisters leave, it will break his heart. He is a sweetheart that jokingly calls me mom, but when we are alone, he tells me he hasn't seen his dad so happy in a long time, and he gave me his blessings to marry Mike. He's the kind of kid that i'll be proud to introduce as family.

Michelle. Michelle is 18, old enough to remember all the stuff her mother has pulled, old enough to remember the pain and the fighting. She sees her dad is happy, but i still get a sense of... not dislike, but hesitation. I'm not pushing to get close to her, just baby steps. We have more in common than Nate or Brandy, but i know she will be the one her mother pegs with questions about me. We have already been told by Nate and Brandy that Lena saw me at the graduation and flipped out.

Brandy wakes up every morning about 8 or 9 and takes a shower, cleans up her side of the room and comes to cuddle with Mike and I. Yesterday i tried to give them some alone time, and got up to clean the kitchen. She came to help me! Mike made a joke about helping mommy in the kitchen and i caught Brandy smiling. I hope she's happy and decides to stay here, she's a good kid.

Nate does the boy chores. He takes the garbage out, carries the laundry basket down for us, and walks the dog. But this is where typical teenage stereotype kicks in. We have to nag nag nag, and he does the bare minimum even at that point. But i cut him slack cause i do love him, and i can't be tough on him.

Michelle on the other hand... will spend all day alone on her computer, so absorbed she will forget to eat. (See? So much in common!) She will be here alone all day, and not feed herself, the cat or the dog. She wont do dishes, wont bring her dishes out from the bedroom (If it wasn't for Brandy bringing them out, they'd stay in there, i'm sure), wont seperate her laundry, wont make the bed, nada. I could go on and on, but whats the point? She is going back in august, because she won a scholership to Yakima Valley Community College. I would like to bind with her, but i dont see it happening.

Orange?!

Okay, i learned in science class that the darker your urine, the poor toxins your body is filtering out. Lots of meds can turn it brown, dark yellow, red. A bad joke can turn it blue or green. (Which would be funny as hell, really.) This morning i woke up and it was ORANGE. Not a little orange, but like carrot orange. I googled the hormones i was on, and this is NOT a side effect. Google says orange urine is a sign of jaundice or hepititus. I've got all my hep vaccines, so im not worried there, and jaundice would make my skin and eyes yellow as well. So WTF is up with me?? Is this something to do with the hormones? It's not blood, its the wrong color. Im going to ER tomorrow if it doesn't stop.

A day for Do overs.

Please? I woke up and realized it was my dad's birthday. and i dont have a gift, and due to some serious drama in that house, im not visiting for awhile. Since i haven't bled regularly my whole life, and Mike and i decided to try for children, my dr. put me on hormones. And they are kicking my ass. I alternate between running a fever and being so cold i shake uncontrollably. the temp is in the 80's and im wearing a sweater for goodness sake. Mike took me to the river, and, being me, i jumped in. And lost my footing and went down. I stood up, laughing but Mike was pissed, so i climbed out and we started walking around so i could dry off. We walked, i listened as he bitched about Lena. This has become a regular thing. Then we came home. For once, the river didn't relax me. We took a nap, me bundled up in my camal hair blanket like im in South Dakota in the winter, him looking at me like ive lost my mind. When we woke up, i told him i wanted to walk to work; maybe the walk will do me good. Tripped over the dog and fell down 3 steps. Limped to work and was 10 minutes late. My stomach hurt so much i was doubled over, but i figured i could do this. I cannot go home sick on the first day we have (yet another) new manager. Half hour later, this manager left, and Michelle walked in. Michelle hates me and has made no secret of it. I'm all about customer service, she's about bottome line. My stomach lurched and i grabbed the garbage can; just in case. I was NOT up to this. I had a customer come in and pay in a 100 dollar bill, which cleaned out my till. I called Michelle for more money and she came up and told me i was not to accept 100 dollar bills if i couldn't cover change. (Well, DUH. But how do i know if i have change? Its not like i can just open my register.) I started to sway and she walked away. My friend Troy came over to ask what Michelle said and he told me i look like hell. The guy that keeps flirting with me, and giving me his number, came in, and told me i was pale but still beautiful. I reached for his cigarettes, and bending over hurt so bad, i dropped to my knees. He called to cosmetics for help, as i threw up in the garbage can. All i had in my stomach was water, but it just kept coming. This guy (Michael; of all names) left w/o cigarettes. LoL Lisa came over and i told her i had to go home. She said i look pale and yellow, which scared me. I called Michelle and asked her to called register 1 ASAP. I told Troy i was going home, and asked Lisa to please cover my till. I walked back to the office, told Michelle what was going on , and i left. Since i walked TO work, i had to walk home, too. Its only 7 tenths of a mile, but it took me almost 30 minutes. As i was crawling up the stairs, it dawned on me. Mike was at work and i didn't have my keys. I grabbed my cellphone and called my brother. (And wished my dad a happy birthday.) Shawn agreed to come get me, and got a pain pill from my mom. He showed up with his bitch who told me i look like hell. Oh, goody. They dropped me off at Mike's work, and he was shocked to see me. He was busy so i quickly explained what was going on, and got his keys. I started to feel better, so i figured i would make dinner. I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out an empty bottle of cranberry juice and a soaking wet phone. Oh, shit. I took the SIM card, battery and memory chip out and set them to dry. I went in, bought stuff for dinner and went back to the car. Got home, put my phone componants in front of the fan to dry and made taco's. After an hour or so, i put my phone back together and turned it on. It made the 'ding' sound as usual, but the screen was blank. Then i smelled something burning and heard a crackling sound coming from the phone. I popped the battery back out and put it back in front of the fan. We dont have a house phone, so i didnt know what to do. At 10PM my phone was STILL black, but i couldn't clearly hear who was texting me. Everybody has a distinct sound. I went to go get Mike, and as soon as i saw him, i burst into tears. Seriously, not a good day. He joked me into a good mood, and we came home. Now, im going to take some advil and fall asleep.

My visit with matt (And the ensuing drama)

I haven't seen Matt since the night i picked him up from the airport. Even then we didn't really get to visit, since Mike was with me. Why was Mike with me? I have a tendency to buy friendship and right now we cannot afford this. So mike came with to make sure i didn't spend ANY money. Which i ended up doing anyway. =P Oops. So i went to Matt's, to relax about stressing all day over mike being at the casino or Sheila's. I visited more with his roommate, as Matt was playing a game with his other roommate. i've seen him play this game; its pretty cool. I cant recall the name of it right now, damn it. But i was there for a few hours, and i had fun. I called mike at 10:30 and he didn't answer. I assumed he was at the bar. I called again before i left at 11, still no answer. Hmm.... definetly at the bar. I drove by the Performance. No Car. I asked Kris if he had been there... Nope. I drove by the Casino; still no car. I called him again. If he didn't answer this time i was packing my shit. Lucky him, he answered. And sounded asleep. Oops. I got home minutes later, and he had been asleep for a while. I got into the long t-shirt that i sleep in, and crawled in bed. My leg hit something, so i reached down to get it. It was a matchbook. WITH A PHONE NUMBER. Seriously, how clich'e can you get? I got up, to use the bathroom, blocked my number and called the number. Some girl answered and i asked if she knew Mike. She hung up on me. 909 area code showed up as California, but that could be a cellphone so location means nothing. When he went to the bathroom, i grabbed his phone, and went thru his call log. (it was at that point i became the girlfriend i hate. The sneaky, suspicious type.) But sure enough, there was the number. Called Friday night at 11:43 PM and again half hour later. He called this girl while i was next to him at the bar?! And i was so messed up i cant remember. I was so hurt and so pissed, when he came back from the bathroom, i was sitting on the end of the bed, shaking. He came over to hug me and find out what was wrong, and i pushed him away. I damn near slapped him. I asked him why. why why why. Thats all i could say. He thought i had cheated on HIM, with Matt! (Insanely jealous, but with good reason. When Mike and i first got together, I told him Matt was closer to me than family and he has priority in my life. He has since learned why.) I threw the matchbook at him, and he was even more confused. I told him he was clich'e and to leave the matchbook in his bed after talking to a woman was just pathetic. He's looking at me like ive lost my mind. So i grabbed his phone and showed him the number. He asked why i was in his phone. I yelled it was MY phone, I bought it, I pay the bill, and he can bite me. A slap to the cheek shut me up. He accused me of writing the number because i was leaving him for Matt and needed an excuse. I showed him the timestamp on the phone calls, and he started laughing. Almost until he was crying, he was laughing so hard. He asked me to double check the date, and i told him- i already knew it was the night of Sheila's party. Then it hit me... He wasn't at the Casino...he was with HER!!! I jumped up and started throwing my clothes into boxes. He tried to stop me, but he was laughing, which infuriated me. He grabbed me in a bear-hug type thing and threw me on the bed. He told me not to move, and something in his voice told me i better listen. He was no longer laughing. He left the room and came back with Nathan's cellphone bill. He asked me what i remeber about the night of the party. i told him that around the timestamp, i was pretty well drunk. I asked why he left me, blackedout, to go see some girl that hurt him so bad. I thought the idea of the party was to show her she was trash. All the while, he's going thru Nathan's 12 page phone bill. (Damn kid ran up 600$ in ONE MONTH.) He told me he had left his phone with Nathan that night. Yeah, right. I told him i called the number and asked the girl if she knew Mike; she hung up on me. So he showed me where Nate had called this girl NUMEROUS times, when Mike didn't have the phone. I have never felt like more of an idiot. I'm going to bed; tomorrow will be a LOOONG day.