Tinman

Well, i promised i would write about him, but most of what i want to write, i can't. Or should i say, i won't. In one of my writings, i promised to never go back, never re-read what i wrote, and never censor myself. Yeah, well, i was also taught the 5th amendment, roughly stating that i refuse to say anything that can get my ass in trouble. I stand behind that.

He's the cutest, no- sexiest man i've had the pleasure of. Meeting, that is. Dark hair, dark eyes...but that doesn't do it. And describing his looks wont tell you why i like him, that's not me. He's charming. He is the first person i can always call on in an emergency (See last post- my window is proof!) He has the ability to calm me down, even in the worst panic attacks. I slipped last December, outing my crush on him. i actually slipped that i wanted him to come see me at work. And he didn't think less of me. I even showed him my arm, and he wasn't mad, angry, or disgusted. He was...worried. Sympethetic, even.


I went to his house so he could borrow something. We sat in my car for TWO HOURS and just talked. All the crap that i've been going thru, i seriously want to just go back to Aziz. We've talked, and it wont be hard. I'll miss my mom and family, and it wont be the same as Sweden, and i KNOW it will suck, but it beats living on mom's couch, or putting up with Mike, non-communication, Michelle not doing SHIT, nate and his spoiled-world-owes-me attitude.

Granted, my life doesn't suck, i have friends, and my family and i appriciate each other more. But why am i hurting myself to please this idiot? And he just listened. He's heard it from Mike directly, when he bragged about me at the bar. Yeah, i treat him, and others like i would like to be treated. Like i was treated, in my car. Okay, that sounds bad. But seriously, for TWO HOURS, i just talked and talked, all this shit bottled up. He just kept listening. He stood up for Mike even, giving his opinion when it was needed. I wanted to give in to my urges so bad, and when he invited me in, i thought he did too. But he was a gentleman. We sat on his bed and watched a movie... i seriously cant tell you what movie. I kept waiting for him to make a move. Nope. I wish i was braver...

Love

Haven't written with good reason. I've fallen. Hard. I was told "You know this can't go anywhere, right?" But it did. And i have absolutly no idea what to do about it. I live with Mike. I live with his kids. "D" has a rep around town, and publicly i'm still Mike's. We dont go out together anymore, but he comes home pissed off because people ask him where his girlfriend is. Why he cant just tell them, i dont know. But thru all this, "D" is there. He listens when i grumble and holds me when i cry. And i hate crying in front of people. Even my own mom. It's not like we can have a normal relationship, can we? Go out together, sleep together, do things together?

Names!

Well, he messed up. The idiot that broke into my car. He stole an entire book of checks, which my bank immediatly cancelled. (Thank you AlaskaUSA!) For "legal reasons" ( I know, WTF, right? What about MY rights??) I cant post his name. But what he did was extremely slick. SOMEHOW he typed his name above mine on the check, making it look absolutly legit. He used 3 seperate checks at QFC in Federal Way, and printed reciepts (I love the internet!) show that he was NOT carded, which police tell me means he is most likely a frequent shopper there. If you see a customer alot, you're less likely to ask for ID when he writes a check. On each occasion, dude bot over 200$ in food and got 20$ cash back. Again, police believe he was buying food for a friend, or just selling it for money. Either way, they have a name, and they will keep me posted, as i will too! =)

Friends

Last Sunday my car was broken into. I had mixed sleeping pills with too much to drink, and Mike drove home. Why didn't we leave his truck? I dunno. But we went back Monday to get my car, and found my passenger side window smashed in. They took the WEIRDEST things- my medical records, my car registration, my PO Box key. By looking, you cant tell its a PO BOX key, and even if you can... you dont know my number. Idiot. But this event showed me who my true friends are. Mike wanted to go to DSHS so he was ready to leave. I texted Tinman, my brother, and my mom... Nobody texted back. Imagine my surprise when no less than 5 minutes later, Tinman SHOWED UP. Seriously. And Mike left.  Hmmm... there goes your friend-of-the-year award.  Thank goodness it was the beginning of the month, i had money. Tinman suggested calling salvage yards for windows, and he had a friend that may be able to help. I called Jay-Bo cause any car problem, i always call Jay. Its my unspoken rule. Jay said he'd do it for 200 dollars. This is roughly what a professional would charge, and Tinman had Rick, who would do it for 50. So we went with Rick. I called salvage yards and found a window for 50 bucks, and Tinman, Mike and i went. The boys each found a taurus to work on, and i stood back and tried to stay out of the way.They got the window out, and Tinman called Rick. This guy came down and worked until 1AM to fix my window. Took the door apart, and the window was just 1/4cm too big. seriously. He worked and re-worked the window ledge/metal pulley-thingy but could not get it to fit. Went back today after a few days of sucky weather, and Rick tried again. You know the final piece it took to fix my window? This poor guy spent hours with lube, screws, pliers, all these different tools... it was plastic handcuffs. Yup, just simple plastic handcuffs, that happened to be in Tinman's room. I dont want to know why... :-\   

YEAH FOR FRIENDS!!!!!

April...

Lets see if i can summerize all of April into one blog. I doubt it. I'd like to say i haven't written because there has been nothing to write about, but thats just not true. Fact is, there is so MUCH to write about, where to begin stymies me. How about friends? Thats always a good place to start, if you have any. I'm lucky enough that I do.

When i was 16, due to some family issues, i had to say good-bye to my bestfriend Wes. When i was 21, we crossed paths again, but we had nothing in common, and my boyfriend at the time was a control-freak, so the friendship didn't re-kindle. But this time, we're all older, more mature, and my boyfriend doesn't give a damn what i do, as long as he gets to have a girlfriend. (More on this later...)  Wes is cool, he's a computer GENIUS. He's quiet, but when you get him to open up a little, he'll keep the smile on your face.

Tom... I miss Tom. In fact, Tom and Mike are so much alike, Tom is the reason i started talking to Mike. Seriously... I was talking to Tom, who lives in Missouri, and telling him about the Performance. The next night, there is this guy at the PG (Performance Grill) that i've never met before. This isn't unusal, but i swear i KNEW this guy. I called Tom, no answer... I sent hom a text, to see what this guy at the table would do... I was CONVINCED this guy was Tom. Finally, Tom answered, but i didn't see the new guy touch his phone, so i knew he wasn't Tom.  Why do i say i miss Tom, then? Because he shared something of mine, a secret that i dont tell people. I thought i could trust him, and he did what he did out of friendship, but it hurt too deep. After i confronted him, he told me he had told his friends, family, and emailed some facebook friend of mine, which lost me THAT friend. I'm not ashamed of my secret, but it's not the kind of thing society smiles at.

Mike- The guy at the bar? That looked and was as quiet as Tom? Mike. Not "My Mike- AKA Mikey." No... Mike. He's another genuis. He plays it down, but i've lost at pool enough time to know better. He's a mathmagician. Yes, Math-magician. He's magic with math. Keep up people! =) I'm still getting to know him, but he's a sweetheart, and always asks if i need a ride home, just in case.

Mikey and i are still having trouble, but i have a new bestfriend to lean on. To protect his identity, i'll call him by his stage name: Tinman. Our friendship started thru karaoke, he was just another one of Mike's friends at the bar. Except everytime Mike left me to go to the casino, Tinman was there to make sure i got safe, until i got smart enough to start taking my own car. We've been thru so much together, he deserves his own posting... Wait for it, it'll come soon. But thru it all, ups and downs, we're bestfriends. For now. LoL

I say for now, because i have a bad habit of not keeping bestfriends. Matt is the perfect example. And look how that ended up. Suppossedly he's coming back into town... There's no compitition between Tinman and Matt, but many many comparisons. They both warned me not to fall for em, i will get hurt... I did. Both taught me different genres of movies, and music. Both understood about social phobia, and other problems. I could go on, but i wont...Yet. =)  It's coming, just wait.

So, thats friends. Now, family. Not too much new on the family front- i tend to not visit as much as i should, simply because here's how a visit goes: G meets me at the door... G follows me around around bitching about C, M, D, S, A, J, or anybody else in that house. In case you are severly slow... my family has rteal names, i'm only using letters to signify who they are. Gotcha? K. Now... G follows me around as i do laundry, or go into M's room to visit, causing M to put on headphones and end the visit. I'll find C watching TV, but when G follows me talking, C cant hear TV, gets mad and leaves, giving G more reason to bitch. I get it, G is lonely. But come up with something POSITIVE. Or at least put a positive spin on it??  Sorry... i think this is where i try to stay positive, cause if people thought of me the way people think of G; i'd slap myself.

So, thats April. I'll post about Tinman next, simply cause i have so many jumbled thoughts about him. And i will TRY TRY TRY to post more. You can always comment, or drop an email and i will update. Ask questions, get answers, stuff like that.  =)  KEEP SMILING!!!