It happened.

But it really WAS an accident!! Bad day at work (Clsong w/ Michelle, big surprise) Mike shows up at 8pm dressed for the bar. He told me to come get home when i got off. At 11. Store closes, fly thru cleaning. 11pm. i throw a t-shirt on over my uniform and get into the bar. I order a drink and Kris gives it to me. She runs a tab, with Mike having permission. Except this night she tells me that Mike has been CUT OFF. Whoa. i take my drink (White russian; thank you John)and walk over to a table cuz my cellphone is ringing. I have a voicemail... "Hurry honey; im surrounded mu mexicans and they're giving me an accent. i speaka spanish now... S-O-C-K (eso si que?) you to will speaka spanish when i flash your titties across the bar" Click. Well, fuck the t-shirt, on goes the hoodie. Put my cellphone away, grab my drink and take one step to where Mike is standing. He came to meet me. And, as promised, he tried to flash me to the bar. Grabbing my breasts and yelling "i told you to wear sexy!" Which made a few people turn around, laughing,then mike turned around to grab again and knocked the drink from my hands. Bringing the owner, the bartender and the lead waitress over to investigate.When they saw mikey and i they just grabbed little brooms, while mike started to cry and explain it was ll his fault because his father was an alcoholic and he didn't know better. I paid 8 dollars to close my tab, and came home.

Was on the balcony relaxing when Mike came home. Swearing and cussing "Where is she? That bitch not here? She wanna leave? Fine, fuckin let her leave!" Then he punched the wall. Which scared me and i gasped. Which made him look up, see my shadow and kcik the bike out off the way. Then he grabbed Nathan's PSP and threw it at me, or the wall over my head, which is what it hit. I backed out on to the balcony scared shitless. He knows my past. He PROMISED he would never hurt me. He cried for 45 minutes, as it dawned on me... I HAVE come full circle.

With Aziz, i tried to anticpiate his moods, so i could hide a blanket in the kitchen. With Emad, i tried to sense what kind of day he had so i knew what kind of night i would have. I never let myself lose control. Never let me guard down for ANYTHING.

Last christmastime i put enough trust in one friend to go pasy my limits and get drunk. I felt safe that this friend wouldnt let me do something stupid enough, like drive. I made somebody else responsibile for me. And this last month, as mike spirals further and further down... i realized tonight i canot trust him enough to let my guard down. To relax and say "He wont let anything happen" Tomorrow comes a BIG BIG talk. And it wont be pretty. =(

My job

I love my job. I even like my co-workers. My boss on the otherhand... No wait, not all of them, just one. We had the coolest asst manager, but Walgreens polocy is to switch managers every 6 months so the employees dont get attached. Because friends with managers means access to secrets, and can lead to conspiracy. (Seriously!) In our employee handbook, we are FORBIDDEN to drive an employee home... it's considered theft. K, so we have a(NOTHER) new asst manager... Her middle name is bottom line. Maybe not, but that'd be pretty freakin cool. Anyway... tonight my friend needed a ride home from the airport so i told her i need to leave by 10:30. She said i can go when everything is done. So i went above her head... told my EXA (I have no idea what that stands for, its just another manager) and he tells me my hours are over and i need to leave at 10. Even better! (Go Ben!) Few minutes later, Michelle comes and tells me that i have to have everything done by 10 so i can leave. Yeah? Good luck with that. All my photos are done... 9pm rolls around, time to close photo. Usually, i pull the garbage, stock the cooler and make the announcements. Today? I walked around, talked to Julie, took my time with the garbage... Shame on me, i know. But why? Cuz Michelle had to make the store look spic and span OFF THE CLOCK. Hello Karma.

Matt says i'm passive/aggressive... not a bad thing, considering i could be a total bitch to everybody. I like keeping it inside and letting whatever happens... happen.

family

K- went to Mikes daughters high school graduation... So much fun! We got to Yakima around noon and stopped by Lena's house so nathan can say hi to his mom. Lena is Mike's ex-girlfriend, the one that sliced his hand open, so i was WORRIED. But she has a new man, so she was happy. WTF is with native women?? Are they ALL Nuckin Futs? (My brother is dating a Tulalip bitch that is PSYCHO!!!) Okay, nate visited for a bit, then they dropped me off at my aunts so mike could spend time with his daughters. I visited with my aunt and uncle for a few hours, turns out they know Mikes family. His family is HUGE and Hoptowit is a very popular last name. In fact, Mikes cousin is general manager of the casino that my cousin is the head of security at. Cool, huh?

5PM snuck up on us pretty quick and mike came back to get me. With Michelle (18) and Brandy (12) Both daughters are beautiful. Long black hair, dark eyes, never stop smiling. Just Awesome. Nate was in his prime, playing big brother and little brother. Went to the graduation, where Mike sat next to me and his mom sat behind me. Every 15 minutes she would touch my shoulder and make sure i was okay. And mike kept his hand in mine att all times except when we were filming. LoL I didnt have even one panic attack!!! I was SOOOO happy. Afterward, we hugged and took pictures, Michelle said she will come visit us this summer.

Brandy cant cause last summer she was arrested (!) for shoplifting and Lena says mike should have watched her better. But I told her we would work on it. Poor brandy thought i meant i would try to get her home with us immediatly, so she went into pack. Mike told her when we come back in July, maybe then, but she and nathan MUST finish school first. She jumped back out of the car and ran inside. Nate hugged his mom and we started off. We hadn't made it off tribal land when Mike pulled over. I asked what was wrong, and he told me i had to drive. When we were switching places, Mike opened the back door, and pulled Nate out. Poor nate was just bawling, which started Mike, which started me. So the next 15 minutes, we're on the side of the road, just crying. And, like a bitch, Lena and her boyfriend drove by... without Brandy. So we doubled back and the poor girl was making microwave mac-&-cheese. she said her mom borrowed the 20$ Mike had given her... and left. Mike hit the roof. We grabbed Brandy's bag and took her with us. I thought we were bringing her home, but mike said we can't take her off tribal land; its kidnapping. So we dropped her off at Mikes aunts-- she hates Lena and loves the kids so she promised mike she wouldn't tell. Stage 1 of child custody is beginning a little sooner than we expected, but its time. That girl is hurting so so bad.

Bar talk

i know, in a bar you say things that yo dont talk about otherwise. Like your sex life, good, bad, or lack thereof. Well, mike is a regular at the Performance in auburn, and last night i walked in on him talking about us. Or rather, what he likes to do. Now, again, in a bar you dont see these people on the outside so it rarely matters. But tonight, as he was done singing "Back door man" by The Doors, and telling everyone his girl likes it that way (NOT TRUE!!!!) i walked in on him talking to MY BOSS. Well, my asst manager anyway. But still!! She's one of like 6 managers at my work, and ive seen her at the bar a few times. Never said hi, because its akward. And now i'll hide at work, cuz she now knows what my boy does in the privacy of our bedroom. *Sigh*

friendship

What is a friend, to you? Is a friend someone that says "I would cut off my left arm to give you, if you needed it"? Or " I have NO MONEY but will throw myself in overdraft because you need some"? OR "It's not mine, but you can borrow it IF you give it back." Is this a friend? Is a friend someone that will/has/will do anything for you? Cause i thought i was a pretty good friend. But i just learned that if i have nothing tangible to give... I'm not your friend at all. Thanks.