no comment.

Matt kept texting asking when we're gonna hang out. Michelle has been making friends at work, and wanted to visit with em, so i figured we'll kill 2 birds with 1 stone. With me there, Michelle will be chaperoned, wont be alone in Tacoma, a strange town to her. And with her there, i wont be alone with Matt, and i know her reporting back to Mike will prevent me from spending any money on him. It worked, sorta. We drove around, looking at the dalco. I love that view. Lived in WA state almost my whole life, and it's still breathtaking. Then we went for lunch, where matt ordered us beer. Michelle and her friend are underage, so they got pepsi. i asked for something in a bottle, like shmirnoff. She brought me bluemoon. UCK. I went back to the bar and filled the glass (yes, glass; not bottle) with oranges and lemons, to get rid of the beer taste. It helped... sorta. I dropped Michelle and her friend off at the Tacoma Mall, and went to take Matt home. He pays 400/month for a teeny tiny room, and i feel so bad for him.

The kids made it half way to Walgreens before Sharon picked them up. She wasn't happy, but understood.. Seriously?? She just brought Nate over to get some clothes, the kids are still going over as planned. She wants me to get Mike to stop drinking. Yeah, i'd have an easier time signing a peace treaty between Isreal and Palestine. I told Nate i was proud of him for calling his grandma and protecting his sisters. Michelle is lucky she stayed at Sharons, cause i'd have bitch slapped her. But Sharon promised she would talk to Nate about his language, and Mike about his drinking. Yeah, please do. This summer will suck.

Shit hits the fan

I'm living with an idiot. And i never should have come back. What he did tonight was unexcusable, and i dont know if it can be fixed. Worse thing is, if i coould re-live it, i would hold his anger on me, not on them. Day started out okay, Brandy visiting us from her grandma's house. Lena the Loon doesnt want her staying in a house with a white woman. K, whatever. All 3 of your kids like me better anyway. About 8ish, i was going to go over to "D"'s house, but he was visiting his brother. I told everyone i was going to eat dinner with my friend, and left. D called and wanted to meet at the PG. Cool~ So i went. We were havin fun, just talking, we dont touch in that place. About 9:30 Michelle posted on Twitter: "I hate you so f***ing much" 'Cept she didn't censor it. I was worried, cause she was having trouble with her boyfriend. A few minutes later, Mike showed up at the PG. SHIT. I'm supposed to be at my friends, not at the bar. And he walked in to see me next to "D" whom he is EXTREMELY jealous. He thinks we had problems because of "D" and refuses to understand we had issues from Day 1. He played pool, but hit those balls like they had faces on them. I walked over to make sure he was okay, and he told me to get away. His voice said he was not kidding.

I went back to my corner, and watched karaoke. Mike left short after, and Dave found some blond girls to talk to. So i left. I came home and visited more with Brandy, and warned all 3 kids what a mood Mike was in. They told me why. Apparently Michelle got a little big-in-the-britches. She doesn't pay rent, but the living room is "her room." Uh, you sleep on MY couch, kid. Go there. To show off for her boyfriend, she told Mike to "F off" more than once. He was singing karaoke in OUR living room, that WE pay rent for. Hearing this, i realized that Mike wasn't mad at me being at the bar with someone else, he was mad at Michelle. And i realized Michelle has GOT to go. Wapato, Bellevue, her grandma's, i dont care. She's too much like her mom to live in this house.

Brandy and i were playing on the computer in my room, and about 2AM Mike came home. Michelle and Nate were watching a movie on the couch, and i heard him stomp up the stairs. I called to the kids to come in here, but they didnt hear. Seconds later Mike slammed open the door. He yelled at Michelle and Nate to get there asses up and get to bed. Michelle jumped back in his face, F this, F that. She was almost nose-to-nose with him, they're screaming at each other. Brandy and i are standing in the hallway, the child was shaking so bad. I called Nate over to hug her too, and he joined us. Then Michelle raised a hand like she was gonna hit Mike! He raised his hand to block it, and she screamed at him "It takes a big man to hit a little girl" So he yelled back for her to get her stuff. Sharon is taking Nate and Brandy back to Wapato tomorrow, for a month with his mom, and Mike screams at Michelle to get all her stuff cause he wants her gone. Mike kicked the coffee table, sending her laptop flying, and jerked the phone away from her ear. She was (still) talking to her boyfriend. That hung up the phone, so her boyfriend started calling back, which made mike throw the phone. Nate grabbed it, making him a target. "And you wanna talk like a man? Get the F out too! Go live with your mom forever. I hate you!" I was shocked, Brandy was crying, and Michelle's boyfriend kept calling back. Nate finally answered and told him its a family thing, stop calling. Then he called Sharon (his grandma) to come get them. Michelle stomped past us into the bedroom- she keeps all her stuff in Nate's room. Mike ran down the hall, pushing me against the wall. I followed, and michelle was packing a little bag. So mike went back to the kitchen, threw the drawers to the floor and grabbed garbage bags. He started throwing Nate AND Michelles things in the bags, screaming he'll rent out the room and be happier with just his girlfriend. WHAT??!? All three kids looked at me... shaking my head no. Nate went on the porch to watch for Sharon, and mike handed Michelle and Brandy full garbage bags of stuff. Michelle hugged me and asked "Please dont make me go back, Help me, please" I started crying at that. I promised her he wouldn't remember anything tomorrow... spend the night with grandma, you'll be okay. The girls left the garbage bags on the front porch and all 3 kids started walking. I texted Michelle to call or text when they get to their grandma's house, so i know they're safe... She still hasn't.

Idiot

I moved back. I had a whole week of damn near perfection. I hit rock bottom, cried on the floor, so weak in front of "D" i could not move without his help. And i was so ashamed, so scared he would leave me, i left him first. I fuktup the arrangements he had with his step-mom, and i came back to the house of drama. WTF IS WRONG WITH ME???

Moving Out!!!!!!!

I'VE HAD IT!!!!!  I'M DONE WITH YOUR DRINKING, LYING, SNEAKING AROUND AND TEMPER TANTRUMS!!!  I'm done being hurt physically, emotionally, FINANCIALLY, everything.

I'm writing this from my bestfriends house, which, if his step-mother agrees, will become my house too. I cant deal with Mike anymore. i cant keep leaning on Tinman, and family to vent. I can only vent so long, before i must do something. I love his kids, but they can no longer be the reason i stay. Last night (D) and  i had a loooong talk, and i know he loves me, and i love him, but love is tricky. I have to know 110% that i LOVE him, and not that i have heroic love because he has always been there for me. I need to know that  me moving n with him will be a better situation for everyone, not just a convenience. I have a LOT of thinking and soul-searching ahead of me.

GONE!!!

I MOVED OUT! I still have to go get my stuff, but i did it! Mike left me at the Saigon for the LAST time. $4 drinks sound like a good idea unless you're a RAGING FUKTUP ALCOHOLIC BASTARD! But i digress. He got drunk, said some things and took off. And i didnt follow. Come on guys, he just got free money... where do you think he was? So i stayed and visited with Tinman and George, doing karaoke, talking, having fun and not worrying. No, i was worrying, but obviously not as much as i should have been. Karaoke ended about midnight, and i took Tinman home. First we stopped by the casino for food, noting gidget at the table. "Go low, win high!" Yeah, whatever. We had a nice dinner, and we were talking so intensly i didnt notice Mike leave. We finished up, and i went to take him home. I was planning on visiting for awhile, i didnt want the night to end. But Michelle called, whispering when i was driving. She wasn't exactly, but she was either close to it or trying to control it. So i took Tinman home, and went home.

Disaster. Mike had kicked the coffee table up over, threw the garbage can around the living room, threw Nate's xbox across the living room, threw plates (Breaking them) and food around the living room. My habit of ripping paper made the garbage in the living room look like New Years confetti. Would have been funny if we weren't in danger. He was balistic. He went in the bedroom and threw hair cream at my computer. 3 keys smashed and broke off, the hair cream splattered across the keyboard, and his dresser. He threw our mattress up against the wall, jumped up and down on the boxspring, breaking it. I kept telling him to calm down, he's scaring everyone. He called me a whore, and a slut, screaming he thought i was different. I turned to leave, and Michelle was standing right there. Great. So i'm out, staying with my bestfriend.  God help me, i needed this.

His step-mom said i can stay, and pay rent. I cant pay anything this month, i know i'm in trouble cause i cant stay here if i dont earn my way. I have to figure something out...