And cleaning and crubbing and sweeping and mopping. I love it!! I know they were all bummed to have to move, but true friends will stay true friends, right? 3 of the 5, including my friend are moving 3 blocks up the road.
I helped clean today, boxing as fast as they could unbox. Very hectic, but so cool to feel needed. Cant explain better than that. In fact, im only home to change from scrubby clothes to nice clothes, cause its NEW YEARS EVE!!! Yea!! I dont know what we'll do, but just to be with this guy is an honor. He's... special. But that doesn't seem to cover it. There's charisma about him that draws me to him. Hell, we have almost nothing in common, but we're friends. Talk about opposit attracts, huh? Yes, he's HOT but thats not what i mean by attraction. I cant explain better, the chlorox has gone to my brain. **Big Grin**
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Snowed In
I feel so horrible. Lake Tapps has like 13 inches of snow. Now, we've lived here 20 years, and if you add up all those years, we haven't had 13 inches. Crazy. I feel horrible because i have been literally stuck at my friends house. There are only 2 ways into Lake Tapps, both uphill. Both icey as sh*t. Nobody can get down and takes a brave heart with a tough car to get up. So i've stayed here. I try to make myself useful, but its hard, without feeling like im in the way.
Dont misunderstand me, my friend is GREAT and no, he doesn't make me feel unwelcome, i do it to myself. and his roommates are pretty cool, too. I've met them in passing, but to be stuck is to get to know. Or something. One reminds me of Michael, my baby brother. The other kinda reminds me of my uncle. Hmmm.
At any rate, after 3 days, my friend decided to brave the ice and he brought me home. And im thankful. Hot shower, change of clothes and hit the blog. =)
Dont misunderstand me, my friend is GREAT and no, he doesn't make me feel unwelcome, i do it to myself. and his roommates are pretty cool, too. I've met them in passing, but to be stuck is to get to know. Or something. One reminds me of Michael, my baby brother. The other kinda reminds me of my uncle. Hmmm.
At any rate, after 3 days, my friend decided to brave the ice and he brought me home. And im thankful. Hot shower, change of clothes and hit the blog. =)
Friday, December 12, 2008
Disappearing... Again
Okay, i have this really bad habit of smiling. At all the wrong people, apparently. To me, a smile says 'Hi, how are ya?' not- come f*** me. And when i try to not smile? I get that 'Whats up with the bitch?' look. Sheesh, i can't win. What am i ranting about? Really, who cares anyway, but one can pretend i suppose. I have a friend that has nothing positive in his life, if you look thru his eyes. Thru MY eyes, he has a nice girlfriend, a beautiful son, a roof over his head, a car and TWO jobs. But anytime he calls, its just to bitch about how bad his life is. I so would like to say GET A LIFE but i can't. I smile, and i listen, and when i leave i sit in my car and cry it out. I have changed my phone number 2 times to get away from him. Why twice?? Cause i was a sucker and called him from my new number, which he promptly blew up with phone calls. Now, i dont mind being a friend; i quite like it infact. But he's bringing my "Pollyanna Complex" down down down. I've started a new social circle of friends, and as long as they can put up with me, i'll be disappearing again. Sorry Robert, you're gonna have to stand alone.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Personality Test...Uh oh.
Recently I had to take a personality test. Now, l know I have borderline personality disorder. BPD makes me a chameleon. I change to please who I am with. This is rarely a problem; who doesn’t want a friend that has their back, no matter what? Well, what happens when I have no one to emulate? When someone puts this personality test in front of me, and walks away? I'm forced to be 100% truthful, open to scrutiny, and fearful of the opinions of others. Talk about anxiety! So, when out in the open… who am I?? These are my results:
You are best described as:
CONSISTENTLY TAKING CARE OF OTHERS
Words that describe you:
Sympathetic
Trusting
Altruistic
Selfless
Tenderhearted
Compassionate
Straightforward
Deferential
Generous
A General Description of How You Interact with Others
"What can I do for you?" These words probably feel very natural to you. More than most people, you are genuinely interested in the well-being of others. If they are in trouble, you offer compassion and go out of your way to be helpful. If they need someone who will listen, you are attentive, trustworthy and sympathetic. And you are direct with them; when they need advice or counsel, you offer it in as straightforward and direct a manner as you can.
There may even be times when you put others' needs in front of your own. And you do so without the expectation of some reward or recognition. Yours is a different kind of compassion; you are genuinely tenderhearted and take pleasure in helping others while expecting little or nothing in return. For you, it's not tit-for-tat, you truly want to do things for others that will better their lives. You mean it when you ask, "What can I do for you?"
Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
Though your motives arise from genuine compassion, some people might think of you as "too good to be true." They could suspect that your kindness is something you use to ingratiate yourself with others or to get them to like you. Others may suspect that your altruism is a mask for your own problems; you take care of others but never let others get to know you well enough to offer you their care. Some of this suspicion may be genuine; they just can't believe you're this kind. But it may also be triggered by envy; people see in you a tenderheartedness they don't find in themselves, and it makes them uncomfortable so they take it out on you with their suspicions.
Another critical response others may have may be something you want to take a serious look at. If you spend your time taking care of others, you may not have enough left to take very good care of yourself. If you're always asking, "What can I do for you?” you may not focus enough on your own needs. You're so busy taking care of others that you neglect yourself and empty your reserves of energy and good health. Like we said, give it consideration and if it doesn't fit move on.
Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
For the most part, people will feel gifted to come across someone like you. For those you help, you will be light in the darkness, a hand up when they've fallen into a ditch. Your true graciousness and selflessness is rather rare these days and is often a breath of fresh air in this all too often dog-eat-dog world. Others will see in you the kindness that each of us seeks in life, both in our own characters and in our relationships with others. And you will become a model of that honest compassion; someone others may even look up to. Hopefully that feels okay to you.
Okay- I answered honestly and the silly test STILL picked up on the fact that I try to impress people. Apparently I'm more transparent that I realized.
You are best described as:
CONSISTENTLY TAKING CARE OF OTHERS
Words that describe you:
Sympathetic
Trusting
Altruistic
Selfless
Tenderhearted
Compassionate
Straightforward
Deferential
Generous
A General Description of How You Interact with Others
"What can I do for you?" These words probably feel very natural to you. More than most people, you are genuinely interested in the well-being of others. If they are in trouble, you offer compassion and go out of your way to be helpful. If they need someone who will listen, you are attentive, trustworthy and sympathetic. And you are direct with them; when they need advice or counsel, you offer it in as straightforward and direct a manner as you can.
There may even be times when you put others' needs in front of your own. And you do so without the expectation of some reward or recognition. Yours is a different kind of compassion; you are genuinely tenderhearted and take pleasure in helping others while expecting little or nothing in return. For you, it's not tit-for-tat, you truly want to do things for others that will better their lives. You mean it when you ask, "What can I do for you?"
Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
Though your motives arise from genuine compassion, some people might think of you as "too good to be true." They could suspect that your kindness is something you use to ingratiate yourself with others or to get them to like you. Others may suspect that your altruism is a mask for your own problems; you take care of others but never let others get to know you well enough to offer you their care. Some of this suspicion may be genuine; they just can't believe you're this kind. But it may also be triggered by envy; people see in you a tenderheartedness they don't find in themselves, and it makes them uncomfortable so they take it out on you with their suspicions.
Another critical response others may have may be something you want to take a serious look at. If you spend your time taking care of others, you may not have enough left to take very good care of yourself. If you're always asking, "What can I do for you?” you may not focus enough on your own needs. You're so busy taking care of others that you neglect yourself and empty your reserves of energy and good health. Like we said, give it consideration and if it doesn't fit move on.
Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
For the most part, people will feel gifted to come across someone like you. For those you help, you will be light in the darkness, a hand up when they've fallen into a ditch. Your true graciousness and selflessness is rather rare these days and is often a breath of fresh air in this all too often dog-eat-dog world. Others will see in you the kindness that each of us seeks in life, both in our own characters and in our relationships with others. And you will become a model of that honest compassion; someone others may even look up to. Hopefully that feels okay to you.
Okay- I answered honestly and the silly test STILL picked up on the fact that I try to impress people. Apparently I'm more transparent that I realized.
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