Numbers cant lie

i cant lie and say it doesn't hurt, because i really thought it was the medication holding me back. What am i talking about? Babies. Okay- stop rolling your eyes, this is important to me. I stopped taking ALL medication, anti-depressants, included, thinking it was lowering my progesterone. Turns out, it wasn't. Without hormones, without any help, my body naturally does NOT make progesterone. My exact number is 0.25.    What does this mean? Well, a 9 year old girl, before puberty is 0.30. And it goes UP from there. So my body thinks i'm a child.

Whats my next step? I dont know yet- i'll keep you updated...

Full moon or what??

Looking at the calandar, we're still a week and a half away from a full moon. But something is in the air for my friends and myself, and its not pretty. I'll start Chronologically, since then nobody can claim i favorited them. My friend Steve was fired for sexual harrassment. Now, i know Steve. So i know it's true. Dude's a horndog that would hit on your grandmother if given half a chance. Then my friend Allen lost his roommate, Kevin. Kevin moves out just about every other month, so this was not a surprise. Except he did this after Allen lost his job (bad week for Allen, really.) and they had no money for rent. So I help Allen move when he lost his apartment. This was bittersweet- he gave me some stuff from when i was sleeping on his couch last year, with my (at that time bestfriend Matt.) It's doubtful i'll ever see Matt again- conflicting stories tell me he's on 2 different sides of the country. He's good, but he's not THAT good. I might see Kevin, but only if he wants. I didn't see what everybody else saw, that Kevin had feelings that went deeper than friendship. He shows up @ The Performance Grill for karaoke every now and then, but Allen shows up more. I worry about all 3 of them. 

My friend Mendy found out the worst way possible that her husband cheated. AGAIN. She was pregnant last Summer, on her 21st birthday. She couldn't drink, so she stayed home to pay bills. (seriously.) She was going thru her T-mobile bill, and discovered her husband was talking to another number regularly, did some sluething and, involving half us Walgreener's, she confronted the other woman. Things died down, unfortunately, the stress (or something- cause Dr's NEVER really know) caused a miscarriage.

My friend Tom could be caught in a double whammy- he couldn't (maybe didn't want to) get out of jury duty, and on the way home from day 1, his car quit on him. Didn't make it to the repair shop before closing, but he thinks its the transmission. Keepin my fingers crossed for him, thats for sure.

My friend Tinman is hurting; his brother was arrested today. Turned himself in to get the best deal. Dont know what he did; not my business, but my hugs are with that family. And his 8 month old daughter.

Mike got a blow and a half, too. We filed and recieved our taxes early, and split the refund 50/50. And he's SHOOTING thru his.  If i EVER hear the words "Daaaad...buy me ____, take me _____, lets go/do something" again, i'll go postal. Lets go to the Park? We live ONE MILE away from auburn's biggest park! Nope. Too cold/dark/wet/far. Lets walk the Supermall? Sure! Got money? Idiots.   Whoa-- back on track here....  anyway, Mike has been going thru this money like he had more coming- he thought he did. Unemployment. He was fired same day as i, December 4. Each week, i file his claim for him, and last week they called to tell us the paperwork was on its way. And today he heard... Denied. I hid the alcohol. He was looking for his 5th of rum at 3 in the afternoon, and it would have been UGLY if i hadn't hidden em all.  Rum makes him mad. Mad on top of mad, with 2 teenagers that want to spend money he just lost? No. NONONONONONONO. I rubbed his feet till he fell asleep, and rubbed his back as he had bad dreams.

My mothers problems run into mine, sort of. We don't talk like mother and daughter, haven't really since i was 18. Last time we talked, she called to say she was at the store, buying me something cause it was on sale and would bring it down. Didn't hear from her the rest of the day. Next day, my phone rings, nobody there.  I call back- mom answers. It was the baby she watches that called. I hung up; we haven't spoken since today, when she texted that she needs 500 dollars to get stuff out of the pawn shop. WFT can you have in a pawnshop for 500 bucks?!!  Oh, 5 DIFFERENT things. Lets see... Where's my dead brothers diamond earrings? Oh, you lost those last year to hawk? Hmm... where's his gold necklace? Same?? Wow. Um... where's the very special engraved Mother's Ring, with our names, and birthstones?  Again, lost to hawk over the past year? Wow... STOP F***ING PAWNING STUFF!!!!  I told her to find her slips and I will get the stuff out. Nope- she wants me to give her the money. Which is one of two things. Either she doesn't have 500 dollars worth in the pawnshop, and will pocket the extra, OR she doesn't want me to know what she pawned. Either way, she decided to risk the chance of this stuff being on the shelf until Friday, instead of telling me so i could go pick it up for her.

So- thats my update, and i know i say this everytime, but i will post more!!  REMIND ME!!!  =)

Fired

Why was I fired, you may wonder? Well, i have butted heads with Michelle since she was transferred to our store. Everybody has- Michelle herself will be the first to tell you she has NO personal skills. On this particular day, our store was getting ready for the holiday rush, and we had 2 undercover policemen walking around our store. They were there mainly to catch shoplifters, since Christmas brings out the best in people. But along with the stress of having undercover cops there (even the employees didn't know who they were; and they would change daily so as not to attract suspicion.) we had the store manager, district manager, and loss prevention manager there. All employees were a little tense, it was a Friday which is truck day, ad with that many managers, you dont talk. You WORK. Well my friend, who shall remain nameless, loves to talk. About his wife, financial worries, everything. Michelle had already warned him to work not talk. Then she busted him again for talking. She was in aisle 2, and i was unloading baby supplies in aisle 3 when i overheard her talking about him.  "If it was up to me, he wouldn't be working in my store!" So i walked around the corner, and, without even thinking, said "Michelle, if it were up to me, you wouldn't be alive!"  Big oops. Cause she was talking to the 3 managers. Crap. I was pulled back into the office so fast my shadow couldn't keep up. I had to fill out paperwork saying why i said what i did, and was given a 5 WORKING days suspension.  I say working days because i had cut back to part time, and was only working Thurs thru Sun. So in actuality, my suspension was 2 weeks. About a week into it, i received a paystub in the mail. Checking my bank account, i had a larger amount than i expected. I called to see what this was about, and was told i was no longer employed. Damn. They cleaned out my locker and mailed me my stuff. That was that.

Christmas 2009

As far back as i can remember, i haven't been the same person 2 Christmases in a row. Could be the personality disorder, could be just growing up.

In 1998, i was 18, had lost a LOT of weight, and was looking forward to the clothes i had been promised.

By 2001, the weight was back, i had lost my place in the Iraqi community, along with my husband and children, and was living out of my trunk, sleeping on my mothers couch.

2003? I was legally "mentally disabled" having tried unsuccsessfully to kill myself. 7 times.

2005 i was married, living in Sweden. Because my husband was more strict about Islam than my boyfriends, i wasn't even allowed a phone call home. This is the first year i actually MISSED them on Christmas.

2006 i was home again, but wasn't missing them so much. Had found a new boyfriend, and we had decided to make Christmas our first time we slept together. I rented a hotel for the day, and 8 hours later, had trouble walking. This relationship would stay secret.

2008 i was halfway living with my bestfriend. It was between his house, and my mother's couch, and the couch was looking less and less appealing. This was the year of awakening. I smoked pot for the first time, as a gift to him. I wanted to get drunk for the first time, but that would take more time. There was 12 inches of snow on the ground, and Matt was having a few friends over. I was honored to be one of these friends.

2009 found me without a job, but with Mike, my boyfriend that puts up with my ever-changing personality. He tells me daily that he loves me, never fails to make me smile, or laugh, or just be content.

This year, Mike and his son Nate came up to my parents and kept me from going insane. My grandmother was her normal self, finding negative things, no matter what. My family has always been a trigger which is why i try to stay away from family gatherings. I hate drama, and that household is FULL OF IT. Part of me wished i could go back to last year, sitting on Matts' bed, watching movies and hanging out.

Then we went to Mike's mom house... she's awesome. They had a gift exchange, and since Mike and i had not brought anything, we disn't get to participate. Now, this was fine with me, because i wasn't about to go in front of his family (20 people) and open a gift- i prefer to hide in the corner. Well, Sharon wasn't going to allow that; she found 2 more gifts, and wrapped them up under Mike and my name. We drew numbers, unwrapped and swapped, stole and restole till everybody had gone around the circle. it was pretty fun, and despite having brought nothing but a plate of cookies, we walked away with a foot massager, a set of glasses, an LED flashlight that Mike really needed, and, courtesy of Nathan's quick wits, a clock that we both needed and wanted. It was relaxing, and fun, and i discovered that i like spinich dip. Who knew? =)

Christmas 2009

As far back as i can remember, i haven't been the same person 2 Christmases in a row.

Could be the personality disorder, could be just growing up.

In 1998, i was 18, had lost a LOT of weight, and was looking forward to the clothes i had
been promised.

By 2001, the weight was back, i had lost my place in the Iraqi community, along with my
husband and children, and was living out of my trunk, sleeping on my mothers couch.

2003? I was legally "mentally disabled" having tried unsuccsessfully to kill myself. 7
times.

2005 i was married, living in Sweden. Because my husband was more strict about Islam
than my boyfriends, i wasn't even allowed a phone call home. This is the first year i
actually MISSED them on Christmas.

2006 i was home again, but wasn't missing them so much. Had found a new boyfriend,
and we had decided to make Christmas our first time we slept together. I rented a hotel
for the day, and 8 hours later, had trouble walking. This relationship would stay secret.

2008 i was halfway living with my bestfriend. It was between his house, and my mother's
couch, and the couch was looking less and less appealing. This was the year of awakening. I smoked pot for the first time, as a gift to him. I wanted to get drunk for the first time, but that would take more time. There was 12 inches of snow on the ground, and Matt was having a few friends over. I was honored to be one of these friends.

2009 found me without a job, but with Mike, my boyfriend that puts up with my ever-
changing personality. He tells me daily that he loves me, never fails to make me smile,
or laugh, or just be content.

This year, Mike and his son Nate came up to my parents and kept me from going insane. My grandmother was her normal self, finding negative things, no matter what. My family has always been a trigger which is why i try to stay away from family gatherings. I hate drama, and that household is FULL OF IT. Part of me wished i could go back to last year, sitting on Matts' bed, watching movies and hanging out.

But we went to Mike's mom house... she's awesome. They had a gift exchange, and since Mike and i had not brought anything, we disn't get to participate. Now, this was fine with me, because i wasn't about to go in front of his family (20 people) and open a gift- i prefer to hide in the corner. Well, Sharon wasn't going to allow that; she found 2 more gifts, and wrapped them up under Mike and my name. We drew numbers, unwrapped and swapped, stole and restole till everybody had gone around the circle. it was pretty fun, and despite having brought nothing but a plate of cookies, we walked
away with a foot massager, a set of glasses, an LED flashlight that Mike really needed,
and, courtesy of Nathan's quick wits, a clock that we both needed and wanted. It was
relaxing, and fun, and i discovered that i like spinich dip. Who knew? =)