Christmas 2009

As far back as i can remember, i haven't been the same person 2 Christmases in a row. Could be the personality disorder, could be just growing up.

In 1998, i was 18, had lost a LOT of weight, and was looking forward to the clothes i had been promised.

By 2001, the weight was back, i had lost my place in the Iraqi community, along with my husband and children, and was living out of my trunk, sleeping on my mothers couch.

2003? I was legally "mentally disabled" having tried unsuccsessfully to kill myself. 7 times.

2005 i was married, living in Sweden. Because my husband was more strict about Islam than my boyfriends, i wasn't even allowed a phone call home. This is the first year i actually MISSED them on Christmas.

2006 i was home again, but wasn't missing them so much. Had found a new boyfriend, and we had decided to make Christmas our first time we slept together. I rented a hotel for the day, and 8 hours later, had trouble walking. This relationship would stay secret.

2008 i was halfway living with my bestfriend. It was between his house, and my mother's couch, and the couch was looking less and less appealing. This was the year of awakening. I smoked pot for the first time, as a gift to him. I wanted to get drunk for the first time, but that would take more time. There was 12 inches of snow on the ground, and Matt was having a few friends over. I was honored to be one of these friends.

2009 found me without a job, but with Mike, my boyfriend that puts up with my ever-changing personality. He tells me daily that he loves me, never fails to make me smile, or laugh, or just be content.

This year, Mike and his son Nate came up to my parents and kept me from going insane. My grandmother was her normal self, finding negative things, no matter what. My family has always been a trigger which is why i try to stay away from family gatherings. I hate drama, and that household is FULL OF IT. Part of me wished i could go back to last year, sitting on Matts' bed, watching movies and hanging out.

Then we went to Mike's mom house... she's awesome. They had a gift exchange, and since Mike and i had not brought anything, we disn't get to participate. Now, this was fine with me, because i wasn't about to go in front of his family (20 people) and open a gift- i prefer to hide in the corner. Well, Sharon wasn't going to allow that; she found 2 more gifts, and wrapped them up under Mike and my name. We drew numbers, unwrapped and swapped, stole and restole till everybody had gone around the circle. it was pretty fun, and despite having brought nothing but a plate of cookies, we walked away with a foot massager, a set of glasses, an LED flashlight that Mike really needed, and, courtesy of Nathan's quick wits, a clock that we both needed and wanted. It was relaxing, and fun, and i discovered that i like spinich dip. Who knew? =)