My sister?!?!!

Okay, I hope I'm not getting scammed because this would throw me over the edge. But I just got a message from.. my sister! She's coming into town just for a day and wants to finally meet. If this is a scam I swear to everything holy I will find them and I will beat them and then I will feed them to all my mom's pitbulls. They like raw meat. If this is real, this is a dream I have been dreaming for 30 years. Of course I said yes so now I just have to wait on pins and needles for 2 weeks. Do I get excited or wait and see if this is some weird scam? Oh screw it, I'm going to get excited! I wish I had someone to be excited with.

Marlena would love this, unfortunately I need to be a little bit selfish and continue to stay away from her. Mike won't give a damn, and my mom will consider it treason of some sort. She has wanted me to talk to my sister but I don't think she thought we would ever meet. And where will we meet? If we go to her house or to any Denny's, then my mom will really have something to light that fuse. But it's not like they can just come here, because I don't want to be 100% selfish and not let my sister her other family too. And do I tell her why I am uncomfortable around all people? Do I tell her why Helen is a sore spot in my life? Not only because my mom's memories but because when Papa was dying she still didn't reach out. I think I'm going to keep that to myself until we see how this plays out. I would hate to put a cloud over any visitation just because of my past and my mother's past. It's going to be hard enough explaining why I'm allergic to people. Holy crap, I'm going to meet my sister!! My heart is going 3,000 Beats per minute and it's pure happy excitement so I'm just going to chalk this one up to we'll see what happens and hopefully everybody's happy and family can mean good things again.

I have so many questions and the funny/ironic thing is neither one of us new Ed. My dad was his best friend, his sister was my dad's girlfriend, so we're both of my uncles and my younger uncle on a dare but we won't go there just yet. I'm scared to meet her but I want to know this woman that my mom hates so much. I mean, I get why she hates her because I despise Emad's wife,  but that's not exactly the same. My mom looks at my dad like a trophy, something to be one. And they've been married for 43 years so I guess you could say she did win. So why does she continue to feel my head with these stories about when they were 15, 16, 17 years old? My head is spinning and if I continue writing I won't go into this visit with an open heart.

Maybe they can meet Helen for lunch and I'll take her out for dinner? But I don't want it obvious that I'm avoiding Helen. Yeah, I need to power down my electronics and just do some thinking for a while. Wish me luck on what to do!

The absolute 100% most important thing? I'm meeting my sister! My sister my sister my sister!!

Annie

 Val's girlfriend Annie passed away today. She's been battling Huntingtons for as long as I know her which is 15 years but they told me back then she wasn't going to make it 6 months so she's a fighter! 

The past 3 days have been hell because she can't eat and when the Val gives her Ensure she just throws it up. The chaplain's been out there and hospice has been out there. Val has been in touch with me but not Mike because we all know what Mike's going to do when he hears the news.

Ironically Mike called in sick today and about 2:00 Val called and told him to get out there, now is the time. About 15 minutes later Val texted me that she was gone. According to what I can find out Mike has texted his kids so that's a plus. I know he's hurting but I also know that he's going to leave his brother's house and, well, not come straight home.

 I'm hurting a little bit because Mike hasn't contacted me at all which is pathetic to be sad about considering, but he knows that I liked Annie and wouldn't it be considerate to get a phone call or a text? But he's made it clear over the past few months that he and I are no longer he and I. I'll try to post if they plan a celebration of life because I know I won't be invited. Again, Petty as hell but that's how I feel right now.  Val has kept me up to date but not Mike.

Moms always right?

Spent the afternoon with my mom, not doing anything fun.  I finally went in and got my eyes checked; I was sick of everything being blurry so my mom pulled rank and made me go. Turns out she was right () and I've got some serious things to have checked. Nothing diabetic, thank u Jesus! But some things none the same. Then we sat in the car and visited for a few hours so I wasn't anxious about what's coming. Wish me luck so I can keep updating! 

Happy daughter day

 Not too many people know that when I was 20 I became a mom to 2 adorable children. My daughter was 10 and my son was 8. In 2004 the whole family (kids, dad, grandma, and co-mom) went back to Iraq and I haven't heard from them in 20 years until July when an accident brought my daughter back in my life. In my mind she is still that teeny little child, even though she has 3 of her own now. That said, Happy Daughters day, "R". I have never stopped looking for or loving you and I'm so proud of who you've become

My... daughter... holy wow!!

 For those who don't know, when I was 20 I had a small family of 2 children, and the in laws that came with them. In 2002 that entire family went home (Iraq) and I've spent my adulthood looking for them, while afraid to find them.

Recently I was reunited with my 33 yr old daughter and she is just as happy to be reunited as I am, even though our lives have taken drastic turns.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we fill in gaps and straighten the edges of what was taken from us